DOSE:

repeated

smoked

Cannabis

(plant material)

BODY WEIGHT:

90 kg

Around a year ago, some days after the christmas of 2002, I had an experience with marijuana I feel should be shared. Although this is some time ago, I still remember it like it was yesterday.

In the year prior to this experience I had become interested in philosophy and spirituality, pondering questions ranging from buddhism to modern existentialism. I smoked hash almost every weekend, so I was relatively experienced with cannabis. But nothing could prepare me for what this night brought on.

I had managed to get my hands on 5 grams of extremely potent sativa buds. Me and my friend started smoking around 10 pm, and we finished of around three grams in the course of a few hours. By this time I was baked out of my mind, and my thoughts wandered of into the path of the deep questions... No words can do justice to what I experienced next.

It was as if I had discovered a paradox of some sort that was to powerful for my mind to comprehend; my nervous system was spinning out of control like a hurricane, and my consciousness was altered to the point where I felt more like an observer of my own thoughts than the actual thinker. Maddening, to say the least. After spending what I guess must have been around an hour in this state of utter despair, I managed to maneuver my body home (my friend lives approx. 100 metres from me), and managed to force myself into sleep. I woke up the next morning feeling somewhat back to baseline, but it was as if something was bothering me in my unconsciousness, causing me mild anxiety.

I tried to remember what it was exactly I had been thinking of that could cause this kind of reaction to me the night before. I discovered that the nature of this reaction could be pinned down to a simple philosophical problem: Although I had previously felt like I understood the concept of humans and being, it was revealed to me that this is in fact not the case. I discovered that night that I am in fact totally clueless as to my own nature, and the nature of any existence. This paradox of being something that does not comprehend itself, not being able to understand anything that exists really, has continued to bother me, even while sober.

Being unsure of where to go for answers to these rather fundamental questions, I decided to start studying physics, in hopes that by gaining insight into the realms of astrophysics, quantum physics and relativity, I will somehow find clues to answers to even more fundemantal questions. This might seem optimistic to say the least, yet I don't see any other place to look. And there is nothing else I can see myself doing. I now study Math & Physics (2nd term this spring) at a University, going for a masters degree, and eventually (I hope) a PhD. I've cut down on the cannabis, though I still smoke every now and then.

I feel that I should learn what can be learned through my senses, but there are also important lessons to be learned from the realm of psychedelic (or any type of) drugs, as they provide (drastically) altered states of consciousness, giving important clues as to the nature of consciousness, not just by the insights they may provide, but be the sheer experience in itself. I am intrigued to perhaps test other psychedelic drugs, like LSD and psilocybin at some point, but I shall wait untill I feel the time (and setting) is right.

Exp Year: 2002	ExpID: 29608
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Dec 9, 2019	Views: 773
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Cannabis (1) : General (1), Mystical Experiences (9), Hangover / Days After (46), Post Trip Problems (8), Small Group (2-9) (17)