DOSE: T+ 0:00	0.33 tablets	insufflated	MDMA	(pill / tablet)
T+ 0:55	0.67 tablets	insufflated	MDMA	(pill / tablet)
T+ 6:30	1.0 mg	oral	Pharms - Lorazepam	(pill / tablet)
T+ 7:00	0.5 mg	oral	Pharms - Lorazepam	(pill / tablet)

BODY WEIGHT:

170 lb

New Year’s Eve was approaching, and although I do enjoy my usual laid-back family celebrations, I thought I could go for a little more excitement this time around -- courtesy of the MDMA which I had recently obtained.

Although I’m somewhat experienced with stimulants (mostly “diverted” pharmaceuticals) I had never tried ecstasy before. It seemed that I could never find a good time to use it – my expectations of it were high enough that I didn’t want to “waste it” on any old ordinary day. New Year’s seemed the perfect occasion to try it for the first time.

I had it on reasonably good authority that the pill was, in fact, MDMA, so I was fairly confident that the experience would be more or less what I expected, and although it was New Year’s, I didn’t want to cloud the experience with alcohol. I decided to snort the pill, simply because the very acts of getting out the straw, cutting the line, etc. are enjoyable to me – I’ve effectively been conditioned to enjoy that stuff, as it’s always followed by euphoria...But I digress.

I figured out my timing (I know it seems anal, but I like to plan things.) I’d test the waters by railing about one-third of the shit at 9:15-ish, and depending on the results of that, do the rest of it about 45 minutes later.

Here goes. (I’ll write this in the present tense – it makes it easier to describe.)

T=0 (9:15 PM)
Little line, ¾ of an inch or so, right up the left nostril – ahh, that’s the stuff – I can feel myself starting to anticipate the effects. Drip tastes like hell. Even the act of snorting has already got my pulse up a bit. I’m excited to see what this will be like.

T=0:15 (9:30)
I think I feel something, although it might just be psychosomatic. Upping of the heart rate, wanting of a cigarette. I go outside for a smoke and yep, there it is, that extra enjoyment of cigarettes that’s accompanied most of my speed experiences. We go out for coffee and to go to the bank. Music is good, I like singing along.

T=0:55 (10:05)
Still slightly “up,” but that’s all. Decide it’s time to do the rest. Two more little lines, ahhh. Went to get some water – some slight cotton-mouth at this point. I’m offered cookies and realize that I have no appetite at all.

T=1:10 (10:20)
There it is! This high doesn’t seem to “sneak up” on you like a speed high can – it was more sudden. At this point, it seemed pretty close to a fairly-high-dose amphetamine high – endless talking, always needing to do something productive. My friends were watching TV and I found it hard to just sit around, especially when they wouldn’t let me talk while they were watching. (I should mention, by the way, that my friends were sober and therefore easily irritated by my babbling – kind of a buzzkill.) I was smiling, laughing, talking, telling jokes, relating random anecdotes. You get the picture. I was up for anything.

T=1:35 (10:45)
Good shit. Soooooooooo happy. I couldn’t stop talking if my life depended on it. Went out for another smoke, but this time went to a park and sat on the swings and sang. I notice some enhancement of the senses: it seems I can see more clearly; things that I hear seem brighter, cleaner and sharper but also mellower (if that makes any sense) and my sense of touch is affected: everything from the cigarette between my lips to the breeze on my face is pleasurable. I’m flying high, enjoying myself immensely, but with none of the jitters that come along with speed use. I can sing out loud and just enjoy the high. I never want to stop swinging and smoking and singing with the wind in my hair and the night so silent all around us. Life is perfect.

T=2:00 (11:15)
Driving around, looking for a restaurant that’s open this late on New Year’s. No luck, but it’s fine – I don’t want to eat anyway, but I do really want a smoke, so we stop. Ahhh…it’s fucking bitterly cold, but it’s OK. Everything is amazing. It feels a lot like a speed high, but with a tiny extra tinge of sensory enhancement that really improves the experience. I’m not getting any of the much-advertised empathy – likely because my friends are sober. The only thing even close to empathy is that I wish they would take some of this too – I want to be able to talk to someone about how good I’m feeling and have them know what I’m talking about. Not to mention that it isn’t fun to repeatedly be told to shut the fuck up when talking is a truly pleasurable experience.

T=2:15 (11:30)
We end up at a Pizza Pizza. I wish we could drive around all night – I’m singing along with the music, and the comfy seats in the car really allow me to lie back, close my eyes and realize how good life is, how amazing this night is, and how much fucking fun I’m having. Mmmmm.

T=2:30 (11:45)
Back at my friend’s place to ring in ’04. Her parents and some of their friends are there, and I can talk to them with ease. I have been noticing some mild teeth grinding/jaw clenching, which usually happens to me on speed anyway; I’ve almost come to enjoy it for some reason. I got some gum, though, and a drink of water – I still have cottonmouth (again usual for me.) My body temperature seems high, and when I look in a mirror, my face is really quite red. Still flying high, enjoying every minute, but I’m just past the peak.

T=2:45 (12 AM)
Happy New Year! Lots of singing, jumping, hugging, yelling, the usual. Past peak, but still feeling great.

T=4:00 (1:15)
We’re bored. Eventually, we get on the internet and start signing my friend up for gift registries at appliance stores. I enjoy this, though, because I can talk, and help, and organize, and think of ideas, all of which are immensely fun. The only problem from now on is going to be keeping my brain in check. You see, I absolutely dread crashing (which stems from one particularly bad crash) and now I tend to get worried while I should be enjoying myself (“Uh oh, when will I start to come down? Maybe it’ll be soon. Oh my God, I think I’m coming down, dammit, dammit, dammit…”) and it just goes downhill from there. So the challenge for me is to keep my mind elsewhere. I realize that I have some speed on me which I can boost with if I need to (although I’d really rather not) and some lorazepam to put me out. That calms me down – I know that I don’t have to face a crash if I don’t want to, and I relax. It’s always good to have some benzos or something on you whenever you’re using stimulants, because even if you never have to take them, you know that you’ve always got a way out, a way to come down and sleep it off.

T=5:45 (3:00)
My heart rate is still through the roof. We’re watching some movie that I don’t understand, and I’m not making any effort to do so – even thinking about random things is fun enough. I still have real cottonmouth and I’m drinking lots of water. I’m kind of surprised that I’m still feeling positive effects – considering that I snorted it, I expected the duration to be on the short end of the 4-6 hr average time. Oh well, I’ll cross the comedown bridge when I come to it.

T=6:30 (3:45)
My friends went to sleep, and I want to sleep as well. I can feel the effects tapering, I feel mellow and happy still, but it sort of comes in gentle waves – an oscillation, if you will, between the remaining mild mellow euphoria and a sense of mental and physical tiredness. I realize how much I want a cigarette, but no way can I sneak out of my friend’s parents’ house at quarter to four without one of her dogs waking the neighbourhood. I take 1mg of lorazepam in an attempt to bring me down a little bit – my pulse is still quite fast.

T=7:00 (4:15)
I feel a slight heaviness in my limbs, but not drowsiness, and my heart is still racing. I take another 0.5mg – I don’t want to take very much because I’m not going to end up getting much more than three hours of sleep, and I don’t want to be a zombie in the morning. At this point, I believe that if I were to just stay up, the crash wouldn’t be that bad – just a lessening of effects, and the resultant disappointment. But no – I need sleep. I’m still a little “up,” though – I’m sick of lying here doing nothing – I want to at least read a book, or check my email, or anything. I force myself to lie down, try to stop thinking entirely (not easy!) and try to sleep.

-------

It took me until 5 AM to get to sleep, and when I did, I drifted in and out, dreaming weird dreams. When I woke up at 7:30, I wasn’t sure that I had slept at all – the dreams seemed so strangely realistic. I needed a smoke and a coffee more than anything else in the world, so I threw a coat on over my pajamas and went out to the nearest coffee place (luckily it was open.) I felt heavy from the lorazepam but my heart rate was still quick – weird! It felt a bit weird to walk at first, but once I got out in the cool air, it got easier. The introduction of two cigarettes and a large black coffee into my system did me a world of good, although I still felt a little heavy, clumsy and a tad drowsy.

The drowsiness continued the rest of the day, but it was an enjoyable drowsiness, mellow, I settled into bed with a Calvin & Hobbes book and felt great.

Overall, my first MDMA experience was an excellent one, and one to definitely be repeated in the future.

Exp Year: 2004	ExpID: 29652
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Jan 2, 2004	Views: 84,288
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MDMA (3), Pharms - Lorazepam (79) : Small Group (2-9) (17), General (1)