Citation: K. "Death and Rebirth: An Experience with 5-MeO-MIPT (exp29734)". Erowid.org. Jan 5, 2004. erowid.org/exp/29734
Shulgin states that the oral dose for this drug is 4-6 mg. As I do with any drug that I haven't tried before, I weighed out a series of dosages on a precision scale, ranging from somewhat less than the recommended dose (3 mg) to approximately twice recommended dose (12 mg). Over the next several weeks, I consumed these pre-determined quantities in increasing order, with at least a week between consecutive dosings. Prior to each experiment, I fasted for six hours, and I consumed the compound dissolved in orange juice. It should be noted that I had been taking 100mg per diem fluvoxamine (for obsessive-compulsive symptoms) for over a year prior to these experiments, and I continued taking my prescribed dose regularly even while experimenting with 5-MeO-MIPT.
At the end of these several weeks, I was disappointed to discover that the 12 mg dose produced a barely suprathreshold effect. I had read the reports that 5-MeO-MIPT didn't produce remarkable visuals, but I hadn't expected that I would be able to go about my day at an unimpaired +1 after swallowing a whopping 12 mg of the stuff. I was frustrated to have used up 30 mg of my stash and to have repeatedly endured the extremely bitter taste of this compound without achieving any of the sought-after psychoactivity. Foolishly, then, I decided to attempt a much higher dose.
25mg 5-MeO-MIPT (don't try this at home, folks! seriously): Woke up at 4am after about six hours of sleep, right away dissolved the compound in orange juice and drank. An hour later I noticed that I felt energetic, tingly, and euphoric. At this first alert, I started typing notes in a log that I was keeping for this experiment. (Unfortunately, my computer froze during my trip, and so I lost all of my unsaved notes.) This is by no means a complete list of all the things that I did or felt during this trip; I am merely reporting the aspects which I believe are particular to the high dose of 5-MeO-MIPT.
5:30am - Having read a number of reports that 5-MeO-MIPT is an aphrodisiac, I decided to watch some video porn. There was a definite psychological effect here; I had the instinctive perception that the participants in the sex scene were genuinely enjoying themselves (although typically porn stars look rather bored), and I sensed meaning in the various winks and smiles that the actors sent towards the camera (undoubtedly cued by the director). At the time, I attributed these perceptions to the drug. Masturbation felt wonderful. I wasn't able to achieve orgasm, in the sense that my pelvic muscles never underwent the characteristic series of involuntary contractions accompanied by ejaculation. Orgasm seemed rather pointless anyway; every instant of manual self-stimulation felt marvelous in itself, and unlike orgasm which leads to a refractory period and temporary anhedonia, I could have prolonged this quasi-oragsmic state for as long as I wanted without dimunition of pleasure.
6am - I felt a sudden longing for my family, which led me to cry some sentimental tears. This emotional liability due to 5-MeO-MIPT was unexpected, and something I haven't noticed while using any other psychedelic drugs. I called my mom, who was surprised that I was up so early. We had a pretty straightforward conversation, and I am certain that she had no idea that I was tripping. While I was talking on the phone with her, there was also a morning news report broadcast on the radio. I noticed that when I attended to my mom's voice on the phone, the radio newscaster speaking in the background sounded like he was speaking in an alien language (sort of like Charlie Brown's teacher); when I momentarily shifted my attention to the radio, the language cleared up instantly, but as soon as I became absorbed in the telephone conversation this distortion would resume.
After getting off the phone with my mom - we spoke for maybe 20 minutes, but the conversation felt much longer and richer than that - I decided to visit the Pacific Ocean beach, which is just a fifteen-minute ride away from my apartment on the city public transit. While riding the train, I heard it make all sorts of wonderful, science-fiction-y sounds. If you've played MarioKart on SNES, you may remember the cartoonish sound effect emitted when your car is struck by a shell and spins out. That MarioKart sound effect is suggestive of the character of the sounds that I heard; perhaps I can best describe them as the sounds that one would expect a happy children's UFO to make. I got off the train just a couple blocks before the beach to pick up a snack at the 7-11. There were police officers in the store, but I felt completely at ease. I got some Gatorade, and then picked up a pack of chips while waiting in the checkout line. When the cashier rang up the total, I couldn't understand what he was saying; the English language now sounded like gibberish to me. Nonetheless, I felt completely on top of the situation.
I walked the remaining two blocks to the beach, snacking on my chips and drinking my Gatorade. I was surprised that the chips did not taste good at all (usually this sort of aroused state goes hand in hand with eating pleasure); instead, they tasted like salty, starchy, scratchy garbage in my mouth - which I suppose is what they were. As I walked onto the beach sand, I began looking for the sun. I could not find it anywhere in the sky above the ocean waters in front of me, even thought it was clearly sunny outside. Then I realized that it was the morning, and that in the morning the sun rose in the EAST, not above the ocean. At this realization, I laughed at my trippy idiocy. I climbed to the top of a sand dune, which was relatively effortless because I was so energized. Three seagulls hovered above me, and they seemed to be very close to me, even though I knew that they were really quite far above me in the air; in retrospect, I think that they seemed so close because I was observing them so keenly.
I noticed that the seagulls actually stayed rather stationary in the sky, lazily gliding a few yards left, then a few yard right, then back a few yards left, all the while with their wings spread to catch the ocean breeze. From their lofty vantage point in the air, they rapidly jerked their heads back and forth, and their eyes intently scanned the shoreline for something tasty to eat. Even though I had seen seagulls dozens of times before in my life, only at that moment, while tripping on 5-MeO-MIPT, did I actually observe how seagulls spent much of their time so effortlessly aloft and on the lookout to swoop down to grab a meal. My entire world consisted of those three seagulls that I was observing: every twitch of their eyes, every little adjustment of their wings, the way that they kept their distance from each other to avoid colliding in the air, their breathing ... I was oblivious to all else, even myself. For the next hour, I walked along the shoreside, studying all of the marvelous creatures that walked and flew and swam and burrowed around me. I observed and appreciated more in that one hour than I have learned in any other hour of my life.
approx. 9am - I returned to my room, aglow with the beautiful observations that I had made at the beach, and I attempted to write them all down. But my thoughts were so voluminous and intricate that I despaired of not being able to write them all down before they were forgotten. Every sentence that I wrote down was immediately followed by a clarification, then an analogy, then an entire paragraph of commentary, then a reference to another sentence that I had written down earlier ... yet strangely, I was not overwhelmed. There were no maddenning thought-loops, just spectacular insights. Even as the letters on the computer screen began to morph into characters from an alien alphabet, even as the patterning became so uncontrollable that I couldn't even see the text anywhere, I continued to type, hoping blindly that everything would be there to read when I sobered up. At some point during this typing, the computer froze, but I wasn't able to tell when this happened because the visuals completely occluded the screen.
While exploring my universe of extraordinary thoughts, I felt a thousand years elapse. When I say 'a thousand years,' I intend no metaphor; I really felt that I had experienced firsthand how very long - and yet also how very fleeting - a thousand years really were. I felt as though the universe were slowly unhinging itself, coming apart at its seams. To reassure myself, I began typing in the log certain axioms, such as 'time is not reversible time is not reversible time is not reversible' and 'this moment will come to an end.' At some point I stopped typing and got up from my chair immersed in a full-fledged psychedelic experience, the kind that is utterly inaccessible with a sober mind. I experienced death, life, the cosmic, the microscopic, order, chaos, existence, nothingness.
I had gone completely mad on 25mg of 5-MeO-MIPT, and I was so far gone that I believed that I had just died and was now being reborn into another life. I lived a lifetime, then died again, and again, and again. Each death was an instant of infinitely compressed blackness and pain and non-personhood, and each life was a blinding swirl of birth and colors and smells and people and pleasure and pain and suffering and ultimate futility, followed by yet another excruciating death and rebirth.
I was in a Buddhist universe, although initially I did not appreciate it as such, because I was too busy being plunged into these successive lives to have a thought about Buddhism. With each turn of the cycle, however, I became increasingly aware of the cosmic order in which I lived; I graduated from human form to become an alien creature, then graduated from that form to become another sort of sentient creature, and so forth until at last I was a creature of sufficient insight to begin to understand the rules of the game, which I perceived as an intricate palette of colored numbers and letters. By puzzling over these numbers and letters, I gradually understood that I could escape the cycle of rebirth by annihilating my ego, although this was not an easy thing to do.
At some point, in the midst of all of this death and rebirth, I realized that I was once again stuck for moment in a human form, but rather than quickly getting through with it and being reborn into a higher life form, time had slowed down considerably and I was experiencing each moment in intimate vivid detail. I was restrained on a bed, and I could hear metal doors slamming, people screaming in distant rooms, lights flickering. I was a human animal in a torture chamber. In the back of my mind, with my cosmic consciousness still intact, I realized that this was just another puny little human life - I had endured equally horrible things in a number of my previous cycles of rebirth, only to be reborn - yet this knowledge did not allay my utter terror as I attempted to get free of the restraints before it was my turn to be tortured.
After several hours of this sort of madness, I had come down sufficiently to understand that I was strapped to a stretcher in an emergency room, that in fact I was not undergoing the cycle of rebirth, and that indeed I was stuck in my human form for the foreseeable future. Apparently, my concerned roommates had seen me screaming my head off about various nonsensical things (e.g., 'time is not reversible!'). I was not violent, just completely (albeit temporarily) insane. They called an ambulance, and I had been in the emergency room for several hours, where, among other things, I had propositioned an attractive young female nurse for sex and told the attending physician that if he killed me, the bad karma was his to bear. I went home at 9pm, utterly exhausted, and slept. After a few days, I felt more or less normal, though emotionally spent.
I'm writing this trip report several months after this experience, as it has taken this long for me to integrate the experience. Although I am tremendously sorry for alarming my roommates and for needlessly using up emergency room space, I am thankful to have had the breakthrough experience that I had on 25mg of 5-MeO-MIPT. Before, when I read trip reports in which people said that they had watched entire galaxies implode or lived through countless generations of evolution, I felt that they were merely being metaphorical. Now, I understand that it is possible for a human being to feel as though he/she is truly experiencing events of such scale.
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