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Not Prepared to Die
by someguy
Citation:   someguy. "Not Prepared to Die: An Experience with 5-MeO-DMT (exp30288)". Aug 23, 2004.

10 mg insufflated 5-MeO-DMT (powder / crystals)


I've never written an experience report before, but considering the dramatic impact this experience has had on me, I feel obligated to share it with others in hopes that they won't make the same mistake I did. My previous experiences with drugs have been weed, DXM (several 2nd and one 3rd plateau), 2C-I (low doses), and Salvia (low doses). I had no previous medical or diagnosed mental conditions.

On a November afternoon at around 3PM, I insufflated what I believed to be 5mg of 5-MeO-DMT. I did not use a scale to measure out the dose, but from the 200mg I had, this seemed to be a very small dose. In retrospect, my dosage was more likely around 10mg. I was having a decent day, though my mind was a little fuzzy from taking 2C-I a few days before. I had never insufflated any chemical prior to this experience, therefore I cannot compare the burn to anything else. It was painful and the drip was somewhat annoying, however it wasn't overwhelming. Some soda helped with the drip.

I had not prepared myself at all for this experience. Though I had read many reports on 5-MeO-DMT, for some reason I thought with such small a dose that it would be impossible to have an out-of-control trip. After a few minutes, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I immediately panicked and went to lay on the bed and try to control my breathing. My heart began racing out of control as waves of energy came over me. When I felt my heart beat two beats at once, I became incredibly afraid. I thought I would die from a heart attack. The energy was not at all pleasant. My body went cold and tingly for periods of time, and my skin turned red. I could see my hands shaking as I looked at them. I had no visuals or anything else pleasant. Things did however look a little grainy and speckled with light amounts of color.

I felt light-headed as I walked around the room trying to calm myself down. I decided to walk over to the mirror after a few minutes. When I looked in the mirror, I saw that my eyes were more bloodshot than I've ever seen them before (and my eyes have been pretty bloodshot before). My face was very red as well, though on both my skin and my face you could clearly see the arteries as they were the most red.

I went back to lay on my bed. I noticed that I was having a real problem with my breathing, so I just tried to control my breathing. I closed my eyes, but opened them again quickly. For some reason I was more afraid of what was there when my eyes were closed than what I was seeing with my eyes open. Though I did not see anything with any kind of form with my eyes closed, there was a very bright white light that covered my entire vision. The energy would come in waves and rattle my body. It was completely overwhelming. At times I thought that I wouldn't be able to take any more and I would just pass out. I tried to fight this feeling and continued focusing on my breathing, even though I was in complete panic at this point. I tried to turn on some music to see if it would help, but it just made it worse; I couldn't stand listening to it. I kept checking my watch and reminding myself that in a couple minutes it would all be over. I would feel better for a few minutes, and then the energy would come back and make me feel like I was going to die.

I walked over to my chair and talked on IRC for a little bit. I should note that during this experience, my perception and thinking abilities were not altered in any way, most likely due to my panic reaction. I asked for people to tell me I would be OK. I knew in the back of my mind that I would be fine and it would be over in a couple minutes, but it just felt so awful at the time. I then played some classical music (Wagner) and found this helped me to relax. I could now tell that I was coming off the drug, as the waves of energy were getting less intense. Probably about 45 minutes later, I was back to 'normal', however for the rest of the day and the next day I was pretty rattled from the experience.

The following day, I attended a morning class. As I sat there, I began to feel the same panic I experienced during the 5-Meo-DMT trip. My body became all tingly, I had problems breathing, I could feel my heart beating, and I sensed an energy flowing up my spine to the back of my head. I then lost my sense of vision and it was replaced with the same bright white light that I saw while on the drug. At this point, I knew that something was wrong and that I couldn't stay in the class any longer. I told a friend that I wasn't feeling well and walked out.

At the time, I wasn't aware that this was a panic attack. I found out some time later after going to a doctor about the problems I was having. Apparently the 5-MeO-DMT triggered a latent panic disorder. I was prescribed Ativan, which kept me from having any panic attacks for a week. After that week, I thought I could take myself off the Ativan. Big mistake. I then had what ended up being a 4 hour panic attack, though I couldn't convince myself that it was all just in my head. I took an Ativan (0.5mg), but it didn't help. I then felt sleepy, but still very much in a panic. I was afraid if I went to sleep that I would stop breathing. At about the 3rd hour I decided it would be best to have someone take me to the hospital. They gave me some more Ativan there and an Ambien, and I was able to return home and go to sleep. I asked for a CAT scan while I was there because my head was feeling very strange, and they reported that there was nothing unusual.

I went to see a psychologist soon after, and was diagnosed with a panic disorder, social anxiety, and generalized anxiety. I'm now on Celexa to help with these conditions. The anxiety was present before, but I had never experienced a panic attack prior to my experience with 5-MeO-DMT. I had read about the possibility of such a thing happening, but I didn't believe it could happen to me. Some weeks after the experience, I began to notice muscle twitching at various times throughout the day, though not quite at random. This twitching still persists now, 3 months after the experience. I still get the occasional random panic attack, and now most drug use triggers a panic attack.

I would never take 5-MeO-DMT again. Though it may be beneficial to others, my experience was nothing but terrifying. There was no aspect whatsoever of the experience that was pleasant. I blame myself for being so irresponsible with this powerful drug, and have definitely learned an important lesson. A positive result of this experience has been that I've finally gotten help for the anxiety problems that I've had much of my life.

Please, if you do this drug, don't be stupid like I was. Start off VERY low, use an accurate scale, and prepare yourself mentally for what might happen. 5-MeO-DMT is the most powerful drug I've ever done. I would not recommend it to anyone I know. It's simply not worth the risk of going through this traumatic of an experience.

Exp Year: 2003ExpID: 30288
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Aug 23, 2004Views: 15,294
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5-MeO-DMT (58) : Post Trip Problems (8), Difficult Experiences (5), Alone (16)

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