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I Hate Myself
Morning Glory (Heavenly Blue) & DXM with CPM
by Steph
Citation:   Steph. "I Hate Myself: An Experience with Morning Glory (Heavenly Blue) & DXM with CPM (exp30348)". Erowid.org. Apr 2, 2008. erowid.org/exp/30348

 
DOSE:
T+ 0:00
7.2 g oral Morning Glory (seeds)
  T+ 1:00 90 mg oral DXM (pill / tablet)

BODY WEIGHT: 135 lb


[Erowid Note: Most Coricidin contains CPM (Chlorpheniramine Maleate) which can be dangerous in high doses. See DXM Brand Warnings for more info.]

I had some experience with acid before and had heard of morning glory and wanted to give it a shot. I bought 4 packs of heavenly blue. The brand has no chemicals and I didn't experience any nausea, although my stomach swelled 5 whole inches and was enourmously uncomfortable. I didn't prepare them at all, just chewed them thouroghly. Within an hour I was seeing walls breathing and moving, but I wanted something a little stronger, so I took 3 coricin cold and cough pills, which I have much experience with and is a low dose for me.

After than, it was an endless nightmare. The hallucinations were primarily mental, seeing myself as everything I hate. I was recounting all the stupid things I've ever done, all the bad mistakes, and if it wasn't one negative thought, it was another. I felt like all the things I had every done, my personality, everything had been to compensate for being ugly, or selfish, or what have you, and there seemed to be no end. I saw the trip as analogous to my present perception of my life, just one downward cycle. I'm not one who is particularly self-loathing, and have reasonably healthy self-esteem, but all the fears I had overcame years ago came flooding back.

The music was very much in reverb and echo. I began to listen to artists I thought were multi-dimensional and spoke the truth. Soon I began to paint, which eased some of the panic, colors and texture were extremely vivid. But I couldn't escape the thoughts I had had earlier, and then my belief in myself as an artist began to dwindle.

Eventually, I woke up and realized I had been missing an hour of time. The last thing I remeber was thinking about suicide and how I wanted it to end, but didn't want to hurt my love ones. When I came to, I saw my hand had been cut pretty deeply and there was blood all over my bed. I have no idea how this happened.

I really underestimated the power of MG, and don't think I had prepared myself enough. Definately an intense trip.

Exp Year: 2004ExpID: 30348
Gender: Not Specified 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Apr 2, 2008Views: 27,277
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Morning Glory (38), DXM (22) : Combinations (3), Bad Trips (6), Alone (16)

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Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.


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