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Depends on your Mindset
Amphetamines
by Anonymous
Citation:   Anonymous. "Depends on your Mindset: An Experience with Amphetamines (exp30583)". Erowid.org. Jul 24, 2006. erowid.org/exp/30583

 
DOSE:
90 mg oral Amphetamines (pill / tablet)

BODY WEIGHT: 140 lb


When I was fifteen, I tried this drug called Adderall not knowing the greatest downfall of my life. little did I know that this was the drug that would change my entire life, up until now. now Iíve been taking it for some time now and am doing fairly well taking it as prescribed Ė 30 mg Dexedrine/day.

The first time I tried Adderall, I didnít know it was speed. I had no clue. I took three. I was in my room and often had people over to smoke. I didnít prepare for anything because I didnít know what to expect. But when it kicked in, I felt one of the best feelings you could ever conceive. On point and relaxed. Ready for anything and not a minute to waste. From then on I knew I loved it. I remember (Iím 20 now) how I loved to smoke weed on Adderall. The feeling of euphoria and confidence I got from Adderall had me hooked the very first time I took it, but I had no idea the profound impact this drug would have on my life.

I went through years of taking the drug whenever I could get my hands on it. It seems like every kid that has a script to it doesnít just not wanna take it, but they just donít want it at all. Iím obviously, completely different. When I would get Adderall, I would get it 15 or 20 at a time. I would share them with friends, and tell them how great it was to be on it. I'd run around school with a pocketful of these little blue and orange pills that were a dime a dozen (literally), made you feel like the most infinitesimal tasks had to be done perfectly (let alone the big tasks), made you feel 100% confident and sure of yourself, and made you lose weight at a remarkable rate (5 lbs or so/day)

I found it very hard, well, not hard, but not as easy to work or study without it. Adderall and its close relative, Dexedrine, were my drugs of choice. I could do anything forever, and still do the things I needed to get done with a positive attitude. Plus, it wasn't like smoking weed, where you get all stupid, it wasn't like other drugs. It was the perfect drug for a stoner.

A few years later, when I was 18, my doctor put me on Adderall. Whole prescriptions would be gone in a matter of 2 weeks, because Iíd sell íem and give íem away. Staying up days in a row seemed commonplace and I got so good at riding flatland on my bike that I was almost sponsored. I dropped out of school, but I aced my G.E.D. exams because of Dexedrine, which my doctor switched me to after, well, here-read this story to find out why he switched me from 90mg/day of Adderall to 30mg/day of Dexedrine.

Iíd do drugs and go to shows. Ride my bike until 4 in the morning. I did what I wanted, crazy or not. Then, I met this girl who changed my life. We loved each other so much. She made me feel like I could do no wrong. Little did I know, it was killing her inside to watch me take these little orange and blue pills just so I could function. Let alone to get high. So when vacation time rolled around, I made her take some with me. Every time I took some, she took some with me.

And high we were. When we went to the beach I got my script to Adderall the day before we left. Iíll spare you the seven different levels of devil worshiping-horses heads, human sacrifices and cannibalism, candles and exorcism, camels mammals and rabbits, because I donít get into that I kicked the habit, but we ate them like candy. I'd say that in like four days, we probably ate around 500 or 600 milligrams EACH, not even keeping track of how many we took. Maybe more. By the fifth day, it was pretty much like, 'well how crazy do you wanna be today' and we'd take the pills accordingly. And oh, do they make you lose your fuckiní marbles. One of the nights we stayed in a hotel room, and I cried and cried and cried because I truly thought I'd crossed the line with my girl. But it was truly all in my head. She lost it too, though she got more sleep than I did, and sleep deprivation is by far more harmful to the brain than any drug you may be unable to sleep on. And she didnít take nearly as many as me.

I slept very little those four or five days. And all I really remember; though Iím sure other events more important and truly, devastatingly insane and indirectly cruel had and were happening around me; was being in the tent at night and not knowing who was sharing the tent with me (we camped three days and stayed in a hotel two more). My girl and me had our own tent together, we put it up together, THAT DAY! When I Looked across to her side of the tent, she seemed so far away, physically/mentally far away! In a TENT! Then I started fucking her and; because it was dark, I guess, and I couldn't see her face, I started switching back between realizing who she was, and being in a porno with an Indian girl all in sort of this dreamlike set of events that lasted all night.

[Side note: Adderall and Dexedrine COMPLETELY heighten sexual activity, performance and endurance.]

I also remember going to ride my bike by the beach in an empty parking lot at 7:00 am and not realizing it was strange. Even though a cop crept up and hassled me for being there, I still just was blind to see acceptable behavior. Acceptable being bare minimum, I was just loony! Let lone see wrong from right. Even considering Iíd eaten enough add to top out and not be affected by it, I still kept eating more. I went back to the campsite and tried to sleep. My girl had just woken up and was talking to me as I fell into some kind of drug induced trance wherein I was awake and still dreaming, asleep and in reality and all the while talking to my girl though I didnít know what the hell I was saying. Iím not sure, but I think I said I would definitely kill myself were we to break up. But I had no clue. When I woke, she was laying on top of me crying hysterically. She begged me for a long time after that to never leave her, and that was a year ago this summer.

On the day before we left, my girl and I were arguing so fucking bad I was nearly suicidal. To make things a little better I took my Adderall and threw it over the balcony of our hotel room, after, of course, keeping 5 or 6 for myself for when I got back home.

Then when if finally got the nerve to tell her Iíd done that, I pulled out the remaining few and crushed them on the ground. when we returned home, my baby called my doctor and warned him I was taking too many of my Adderall and to be careful with my dosage. The doctor took heed.

Now I take Dexedrine and Adderall (whenever I get it) responsibly and only for work or school. I donít wanna top out, because Iíve ravaged my brain with other drugs and these are the only two drugs that can actually help me therapeutically; without which I would not be able to function. Be safe and donít get this drug outlawed just so you can get high. The kids and adults who need dextro-amphetamine to function and know that they need it DO use it wisely, like I do, and now that youíve read this, ainít no reason why you should go through everything only to come to my same conclusion.

Exp Year: 2003ExpID: 30583
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Jul 24, 2006Views: 29,100
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Amphetamines (6) : Retrospective / Summary (11), Bad Trips (6), Sex Discussion (14), Addiction & Habituation (10), Various (28)

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