Citation: RockeyRacoon. "Four Friends: An Experience with MDMA (Ecstasy) (exp31136)". Erowid.org. Feb 5, 2007. erowid.org/exp/31136
This experience occured a little over two weeks ago, and it has taken me this long to be able to fully be able to explain and discuss what happened.
Dramatis Personae (not their real names): Jennifer (Jen), James, Sarah, myself.
Previous psychoactive experiences:
Me: Grass multiple times daily, Mushrooms about 5 times, Salvia about 10, MDMA 3 times prior, multiple stimulants and depressants taken rarely.
Sarah: Everything that I have done plus acid, she has more experience with them all, having rolled multiple times
James: only drank, smoked cannabis, taken mushrooms, and dxm
Jen: approximately same experience level as myself a little less.
While in my first year at college I discovered thanks to several of my friends the joy that is ecstasy. So, one weekend I decided to come home, as I live only a reletively short drive from school, and roll with my two closest friends, Sarah and James. Sarah is my age and has been my best friend since Junior Year in high school. About a year before this experience I had realized that I was deeply in love with her. About three months before the experience I told her, and she said that she already knew and that she didn't think of me that way. After this event our relationship, while still fun, was a tad strained. James is her little brother who is two years younger than we are. He over the course of the last year had become my second best friend and we confided in each other about everything. This is primarily because he and I remind each other of ourselves to an extremely large degree.
James and Sarah while they don't fight or anything, aren't friends with each other as well as being brother and sister. They dont hang out often, and generally don't know each other as friends. My goal for the experience was to let them both see why I am friends with the other, and thus become friends with each other. I thought that it would be lovely for them too be friends, for them, for their family, and also for me.
Jen is Sarah's boyfriend's little sister who is James' age. She is very clsoe friends with Sarah. I didn't know her particularily well, having only hung out maybe a handful of times. What I did know going into this is that James was planning on asking her out. However, knowing James, this probably wouldn't happen, he is extremely shy.
Friday Night, Sarah and James and I had plans to roll, I had brought 5 pills with me back from school. They are 'Blue Doves' and are the best pills anyone I know has ever tried. We were going to do them in my room while my parents were asleep. However, about two hours before we planned to meet up I called Sarah to confirm. She was over at her boyfriend's house and was rather drunk. His house is an extremely chill one, he is away at college but his friends go to community college around here and they hang out at his house primarily. His parents don't care about drug use or smoking cigs in the house, considering that they both do both. This is also the most loving, accepting, and well grounded group of people I have ever met. So me and James come over to Jen's house, because she can't come to us, and also because we can smoke in the house, and when I roll I smoke alot of cigarrettes.
I picked up James, we arrived at Jen's house and after saying hi and talking to everyone, James, Sarah, and Myself dropped out first pill each it was about 11pm. As we were waiting for it to hit we smoked a bong. Jen was hanging out with us,and we convinced her to roll with us. She had some pills she was saving for her second roll, and she decided this was to be a good time to do it.
I'm not going to write about how it felt. But I will say this, it cannot really be described. It is pure bliss. Nirvana is the best description I can come up with. I think more clearly about myself and about my relationships with others than I ever have, and I come to some major revelations and learn a huge amount about myself and others. This is the empathic quality everyone talks about. This quality or rather what happened due ot this quality is what I am going to write about from here on out in this narrative.
During the course of the night, from 11pm till 8am, we re-dosed. James, Sarah, and myself taking 2/3rds of a pill, and Jen taking her other pill. Rather than try to write about the events in chronological order I will simply discuss each of the major events.
Very soon after we started rolling I came to realize just how much Sarah really belonged with her boyfriend and in his family. I also realized that I had allowed my base physical attraction to her as well as the very strong feelings of friendship and trust, to convince me that I was in love with her. Instead I realized simply that she was a pretty girl, and that she was my best friend and comrade in arms and that was about it. I told everyone about all of these realizations.
Sarah then talked about how she had actually known I was in love with her from literally the day after I had realized it, and that she had been feeling uncomforable with me simply because she couldn't really tell when I was being her best friend or when I was being a guy who was in love with her. She then went on to talk about how relieved she was to have heard me say this and to talk about it, becuase now we can return to our old friendship. Over the course of the night we both felt so comfortable around each other that we were willing to be topless in front of each other and everyone. It was not a big deal for me, but a big deal for her, she even said that she wouldn't have if I hadn't said what I had said.
She also talked about how when we had first started being friends she had realized that I was so unbelieveably lonely, and after that had realized that we were in fact the kinds of people who should have been next door neighbors and best friends our entire lives. I had never before realized that I had been so lonely back then or even that I still was reletively short on friends. But those I have I would trust to take a bullet for me simply because they know that I would for them. This was a major revelation for me and since the roll I have incorporated it into myself in a big way. I had been to a degree acting the way I thought whoever I was with wanted me to (at college at least, with James and Sarah never) and I have since stopped.
The biggest event of the night though occured about midway thought. We all basically forced James to take a shower, since showering while rolling is incredable, its like an orgasm that lasts as long as the hot water. While he was showering, Jen said to Sarah but loud enough for me to hear easily that she was 'SO in love with James'. Sarah then told me that Jen had been in love with James for the last year. Upon hearing this I became even more overjoyed, because I knew that James felt the same way.
Jen told me that she just never thought that James had wanted her. James being a secretive and shy guy had even told Sarah when she had asked him at one point, that he didn't like jen. I turned to Jen and said to her 'You really should bring this up' she said that she was scared and didn't want to risk it. I then told her that she 'REALLY should bring this up because while I can't say waht I want to say becuase it wouldn't be what a good friend does, I happen to KNOW that it is a sure thing if you bring it up.' The two of them got together and now are still together. Everyone who knows the two of them thinks that they are THE perfect couple.
Finally the last major event was that Sarah and James bonded exactly how I wanted them to. Not only that but they had decided to talk to their parents about the weirdness between them. Basically their parents are convinced that Sarah hates them, she is convinced that they hate her, and they simply don't understand each other. They are starting to not understand James either. They also are really dissapproving about their drug use. James and Sarah decided that they were going to talk to their parents about all this, about how much they both loved them. And to explain that their using drugs wasn't in some way trying to spite their parents or to rebell or anything, it was simply because they enjoyed them and they couldn't see anything wrong with responsible use, considering that many illegal drugs are safer than alcohol.
The final minor point is that James and I decided that while we were best friends, our relationship was really that of him being the younger brother I never had and my being the older brother he never had. We now call each other our brothers, and I consider him like a brother, the same way I consider Sarah to be the person who I would have been friends with from age two until forever if she had only moved before senior year. We are going to forever be friends. This was another thing we said when we were talking about our friendship. That even if we lose touch with each other, or fight, or something happens, one can always trust the other to be there for them if they need it.
The point of revealing all these personal details and facts, as well as maybe boring the reader with information on people they don't know, was to explain exactly how good MDMA can be for relationships and for people.
Each of us learned alot about ourselves during those nine hours, we each also learned alot about each other and became much closer friends. Jen and I now talk often and are close friends when we had never known each other before. Jen and James are together, and they never would have been due to each of their uncertainties if they hadn't rolled. James and Sarah are now friends and their parents received the talk very well and it seems like alot of the stress on their family is lifted. and finally sarah and I are back to being the best friends that we always were, basically insepparable when we are together, and a perfect complementary friend pair, like Jay and Silent bob, or Chewie and Han Solo.
Ecstasy is a very powerful and wonderful drug. It makes me quite literally as happy as I can possibly be. My body is carressed in waves of joy. All of the taboos society places on us for no real apparent reason disappear. Jen and James were both nude for alot of the experience and Sarah was topless, none of us cared or anything it was just the natural way to be for them at that moment. I was left with what I truely believe and know and why I am the way I am. I have been long aware of my personality traits, but E has taught me alot about WHY I am the way I am.
COPYRIGHTS: All reports are copyright Erowid and you agree not to download or analyze the report data without contacting Erowid Center and receiving permission first.
Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.