Citation: Shawna Rose Nixon. "Paxil 'Insanity': An Experience with Paroxetine (Paxil) (exp31406)". Erowid.org. Aug 14, 2021. erowid.org/exp/31406
I want my story to be heard, as I want the stories of all mental patients to be heard. Please edit this story as you see fit.
In the fall of 1995 (August, I believe), when I was a freshwoman in high school, I started taking Paxil. I weighed 154 lbs. I was depressed, and it worked for me. That, among other things like love and art, brought me out. I stabilized at 20 mg a month or two after taking it. I still went through rough patches (I gained 20 lbs.), but I did okay. I felt like me. Then I went to college, and life was wonderful, but challenging (down to 165 lbs.).
Things started to get bad the tail end of sophomore year of college, Spring 2001. I had gotten lice and shaved my head (I had long hair that I'd promised myself I'd never cut) and I stopped taking Paxil because I hated being tied to drugs and got fed up with the HMO doctors not being available.
Junior year, Fall 2001, I moved off campus into a really depressing living situation. Classes were really difficult, and I started getting panic attacks and insomnia. I wondered if I was going crazy, like two of my female relatives both had - in their twenties, no less. I was 20/21 at the time. Just as bad, I had a friend that I had a messed up relationship with, and she was the one I hung out with the most. Maybe we needed each other, in some twisted way. I was also so anxious that I lost 10 lbs. in about 2 weeks, going from 165 to 155 lbs.
Things were hellish, and then, suddenly, they got wonderful. Christmas break came, I started taking Paxil again, and I started seeing a new shrink. Those changes helped give me the courage to get out of my bad living situation, and back on campus, which I loved. Once there, I was so happy, and I met my best friend/boyfriend Robbie, and I was so happy. And so happy. And so happy. And so happy... For two weeks straight.
In other words, I had a 'manic episode.' I was aware of cheerfuly driving myself into the ground. I was also terrified of dying, and went to the emergency room twice. I was anxious. My Dad said all I needed was to relax and get a good night's sleep, but I couldn't. Not after what I had just been through. That fall I had been dragging and kicking and punching myself through life. I couldn't just let go...
I was also on Paxil, which was helping to keep me in happy land. At least, that's what I intuitively felt, and I now know you're not supposed to give Paxil to manic people. But instead of just taking me off Paxil, the doctors decided to put me on something else _in addition_ (That kinda pissed me off, and made me feel not listened to)... More 'Insanity' later.
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