Citation: Anonymous. "It's Beautiful Insanity: An Experience with LSD & Cannabis (exp31646)". Erowid.org. Feb 13, 2007. erowid.org/exp/31646
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Although I had experimented with my share of hallucinogenic drugs, including 10x Salvia and Mushrooms, I had no idea what LSD had in store for me. It would turn out to be my first, and last time using LSD.
Me and a very close friend were on our way back to his house to basically trip for the night. He had scored a bunch of LSD and some particularly potent marijuana which he called AK-47. The night was starting off good. I was a little hesitant to take the acid, just because I'm always reluctant to try new drugs, but my friend convinced me that everything would be ok. I wanted to believe him at that point in time. I looked at the tiny tab of acid and thought, 'How could something so small be harmful?' We casually popped the acid in our mouths and happily drove down the highway, blasting Blur and Radiohead, ready for the night ahead of us.
Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. Don't do it!]
Eventually we got back to his house, and invited over another friend of ours, and lay back waiting to be hit by the acid. I remember the feeling well, it was reminiscent of that feeling you get before you go on-stage to perform, or before you're walking up to give a speech in class. Something close to nervousness, but almost like it wasn't provoked by anything. I remember watching a couple music videos my friend had on tape, and beginning to notice that things were changing. Not visually, just the way I felt about things.
Our friend eventually arrived and by this time, it had been about an hour since we'd taken the acid, and I wasn't seeing visuals, so we decided to smoke the pot and take one more hit a piece. After we stepped back in from smoking the weed, I felt so much better, ready to let the acid 'in'. We took one more hit of it, and sat back and relaxed. Our other friend had work the next day, so she only smoked the weed.
Then the strangest thing happened. I had always thought of acid as being a 'visual' drug, or at least, that's what people talk about. Seeing stuff, tripping. But that was only an added bonus. The feelings I had within my body were the most profound I've ever felt. It was like love was inside me, or at least the idea of it, and I could taste it in my mouth and hear it in my ears. I sat on the couch smiling ear to ear as we watched T.V., thinking, 'This is the most amazing feeling of my entire life.'
The world then began to change. Pictures on the wall began to re-organize their order, or grow, or shrink. I laughed hysterically at them. I got up to go grab some cheese crackers, but never made it to the cupboard. I was too busy staring at the coat rack, watching it 'breathe'.
Then my entire view of the world changed. Everything made sense. I thought about my life, people I'd dated, mistakes I'd made, but they all seemed to have a purpose. Nothing I had ever done had been in vain, everything for a reason.
My friend was enjoying his trip too. He came running into the living room with a magazine, screaming that it was telling him secrets. I opened the magazine, only to find the ad he was talking about: A black insert with the Sopranos banner on it. Upon opening it, you'd hear the theme from the show, the Sopranos. I laughed kind of hard at him, but he just smiled right back, and we fell over laughing on the floor together. Our other friend had gone home by now.
We were having such a wonderful time, we thought we should try and write some music while under the influence. So I grabbed my guitar, and tinkered with the effects processor we had for a bit, then lay back and started to play. I have never, ever, played or heard such beautiful music in my life. It was perfect. I've thought songs were catchy, or really good, or awesome before, but this was like hearing the most perfect noise one could ever hope to listen to. There was no need to ever write another song again after this one. Thankfully, we recorded it onto a little tape player we had lying around, and put it in the tape player and listened to it back.
All the love and beauty of the entire world seemed to swell within those notes. It relaxed us, but energized us at the same time. We lay for hours listening to that tape in tears at how pretty the music was.
Our trip had been wonderful up to that point. I thought to myself, 'This is the greatest drug of all time, I'm going to do this all the time.'
Right about the time I started thinking that, things started going wrong. We were coming down off the acid, and it was a HARD come down. I lay in the living room sprawled out on the couch trying to sleep, as it was nearly 8:00 AM and we'd been tripping for a solid 10 hours. The dizzyness and 'boat rocking' feeling wouldn't go away. I began to hyperventilate from fear. I had to go home to my house and talk to my mother in a couple hours. What was I going to do?
Every breath was like my last. I'd hold it in as long as I could, and if I tried to stop thinking about my breathing, I'd stop breathing. I was trying to watch the movie we had put in to get our minds off of it, but it just made me more dizzy. Pretty soon I started complaining that I wasn't coming down the right way. My friend said that I would be ok, just give it time, and that if I felt like sleeping, it would be a good idea.
I Desperately tried to fall asleep for at least 2 hours, but every time I'd seemingly slip off, I'd be awakened by the feeling of electricity jolting through my body. I figured it must have been my breathing getting worse. Eventually we got up, although neither of us had slept, and I had my friend drive me home because I was so dizzy. I remember asking him when the effects would wear off, and he said 'As soon as you get a good night's sleep, you'll be ok again.' So that's what I looked forward too.
When I went home, I ran upstairs and got into bed, telling my mom I had been out late last night and needed to sleep all day. Thank god it was a Saturday. She knew something was wrong, but didn't say anything, so I thought I had gotten off scott free. I slept a little that day, and a little that night, but all along, the feelings of dizzyness and color changes and trails never went away. They didn't seem to be getting better anyway.
I sort of lived my life for about a week before I had had enough of it. I wasn't coming down, it was painfully clear to me now. I was having horrible nightmares at night, feelings of not having a soul or not being human. Whenever I'd be out away from the house I'd feel like I was an alien from another world. The world seemed to be totally different, although it looked the same. It frightened me like nothing else ever has.
Eventually I broke down and told my mom what I had done. She was understandably upset. Up to this point, she had no idea I even smoked cigarettes, much less smoked pot or did acid. But she was great. She said, 'You're in trouble, but not until you're O.k.' So we immediately hopped on the net to try and find out what was wrong with me. We fould all kinds of speculation, but nothing that particularly diagnosed what was going on.
My mom said to try and wait it out to see if it was going to go away. About 3 weeks passed. The symptoms had gotten a lot better, but were still there, so I decided to go to a Psychologist. After discussing many things with him, he came to diagnose me as having Post-Hallucinogenic Cognitive Dysfunction. I think it can also be referred to as HPPD. It was like a horrible nightmare hearing him say those words to me. Thoughtout my life there has been one saving grace to all my mishaps, and that has been the thought that no matter what happens, I still have my wits/health about me and I can try and save myself. Now this comfort was gone. I felt as though I had lost my mind, or at least a very precious piece of it. The doctor assured me that it would eventually go away, but it might take a while.
It's been about 2 months since I took the acid. Although it was the most spectacular drug I've ever taken, with it came HPPD. And I only took it once. This experience has changed my life completely. However, I'm recovering bit by bit every day, and I have a new perspective on life. I no longer use drugs, drink, or even smoke. My grades have risen a lot and I've started going back to church. I'd consider my life to be much better, but at a steep price: a small part of my precious sanity.
On a side note, the tape that me and my friend recorded that night of ourselves playing music still exists, and I listen to it quite frequently. It's still the most beautiful sounding noise I've ever heard.
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