DOSE:

230 mg

insufflated

Pharms - Methylphenidate

(ground / crushed)

BODY WEIGHT:

170 lb

[Erowid Note: The dose described in this report is very high, potentially beyond Erowid's 'heavy' range, and could pose serious health risks or result in unwanted, extreme effects. Sometimes extremely high doses reported are errors rather than actual doses used.]

It happened a long time ago, but I can remember it like it was yesterday. A girlfriend gave me her little brother's unused supply of Ritalin tablets, 60 pills, ten milligram, immediate release. That night we had chopped up and snorted three a piece, and I instantly LOVED the cocaine-type feeling. I went home later, around 10:00 PM, and started to crash, so I called her to talk. Still possessing 54 tablets, I started to crush them up, one by one, snorting a tablet about every five minutes while talking on the phone. I am sure I was blabbering complete non-sense, and so she let me go at around midnight.

I continued to snort one tablet at a time, and soon, it was three in the morning. I was amazed that I didn't reach a plateau, but instead just got more and more geeked. I had cut back to one tablet/line every fifteen minutes, and had finally stopped at around 1:30 AM. I had school the next day, but knew by this point, I would not be making it to class. Little did I know how that point would come painfully home to me in short order.

Suddenly, around 3:30 AM, I noticed that my heart was doing 200bpm, right at maximal heart rate for one my age. Worse still, I realized I had gone through twenty tablets since arriving home. I had also smoked TWO PACKS of Marlboro lights, as they increased the buzz substantially. I tried to lay in bed and sit still, afraid that any exertion would cause my heart to explode. Unfortunately, the high just kept getting stronger. This was due to the fact that I probably had half a bottle of crushed Ritalin filling the tube running from my nostril into my lungs. Not all of the drug had even reached my bloodstream two and a half hours after snorting the last line. I began to seriously freak out, knowing that my body was not designed for this type of stimulation. I mean, really, I was more pumped than if I had gone ashore naked, holding a butter knife, with a bulls-eye painted across my chest on D-Day!

I cautiously ambled into the bathroom, trying very hard to avoid a heart attack, and began pouring water up my nose, trying to wash out the remaining Ritalin powder. I ended up vomiting, and this caused frightening and sporadic arrythmia (heart beating out of sync). I went back to bed, and foolishly lit a cigarette. On the first draw, shit started to seriously go wrong. My heart continued skipping beats, and it became increasingly hard to breath. I tried to yell for help, but couldn't even make a sound, save for a rapid gasp. All of my focus was on trying to breathe, as I had to force every breath. Remember folks, breathing is an involuntary response, and to have it become voluntary (read: painfully forced) is the scariest thing in the world. This went on for fifteen minutes, as I debated what to do. Then, the shit really hit the fan. As more Ritalin flooded my brain, the left half of my body went completely numb, with sharp, prickling sensations similar to when my foot 'falls asleep.' This quickly led to total paralysis on the left side, and I knew then that it was already too late, I was going to die.

I mustered all my strength to go downstairs and awaken my mom. This resulted in a somewhat-controlled fall, which did the trick of waking her. I stuttered uncontrollably, demanding that she call an ambulance, NOW! She had been deeply sleeping, and muttered something about me 'having a nightmare and needing to go back to bed!' Damned straight, I was having a nightmare - while VERY wide awake! I had no strength to argue, or even make it to the phone. Besides, a part of me knew that I would be in deep shit, since the cops would inevitably arrive with the paramedics when I told them I was overdosing. I envisioned the neighbors gathering around to drool and gawk, and the shame that my mom would face losing her son to a drug overdose.

So I lay in the foyer, convulsing and praying for a quick death. I thanked god for letting me live my life happily up to that point, and apologized for taking my life for granted, just to get a buzz. I just wanted to go to heaven, because I was definitely in hell. She went back to bed, having never really fully awakened, and my convulsions and pleading prayers continued for another hour or so. Finally, and oh-so-thank-godfully, the Ritalin loosened its hold on my wrecked body and mind. I was able to stumble upstairs, and continued praying well past daybreak, asking the lord to spare my life, swearing never to touch another drug again.

I awoke around noon, that day, still feeling wired, but fairly confident that I was going to live. I didn't remember falling asleep; it must have happened in seconds, as my used-up body just gave out. I went to see the doctor later that week, having already rescinded on my promise to not get high, I was there trying to swindle some painkillers for my 'bad back.' I was seriously depressed and in the throes of poly-drug addiction. He saw me for what I was, a drug seeking patient, and asked me to be honest about my drug use. So, having nothing to lose, I told him about my near-death experience while snorting Ritalin. He explained that I probably had a minor stroke (fuck, what does a major stroke feel like?), and referred me for further testing.

A while later, I had an ECG, where they looked at my heart. Thank god, it was normal. That still left the status of my brain on question, as a stroke could have left me at higher risk for sudden death due to an aneurysm, a blood vessel in the brain bursts, but I could not afford the tests (PET scan). So, I never conclusively found out if I had a stroke, but it still worries me to this day, thus, I largely avoid stimulants. I have only had a few lines of cocaine years after the event and some caffeine now and again.

I hope the telling of this tale will prevent someone from experiencing what I can definitively say was the most horrifying experience of my life. I literally looked death in the face, and I know what it feels like right before you die, especially by your own hand - horrible. I will never again question that the strongest basic instinct among humans is to LIVE! I think part of the reason that it was so scary, is that I put myself in the situation. I have never, and would never, think of suicide, yet I almost caused my own death.

That said, I guess the positive spin is that I have much less fear of dying - any death MUST be better than at one's own hand, and, I now truly appreciate every day as the gift that it is. At any age, or at any time, I can be having the time of my life, and then it all just ends. There is no arguing to save my own ass, that's it - the sentence has been handed down, and it's off to the death chamber, no second chance, no time for good-byes.

Exp Year: 1998	ExpID: 32058
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Jun 12, 2007	Views: 76,007
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Pharms - Methylphenidate (114) : Difficult Experiences (5), Bad Trips (6), Train Wrecks & Trip Disasters (7), Overdose (29), Health Problems (27), Alone (16)