Citation: Fishbrain blader. "I Am Scared For Me: An Experience with Methamphetamine (exp32381)". Erowid.org. Aug 9, 2018. erowid.org/exp/32381
Tonite I did something I told myself I was NEVER going to do. Meth. When I read a report about a person who was addicted to meth and kicked the habit, and was giving out information on kicking addiction I started crying, because sadly right now I know I am already addicted.
3 years ago I broke my leg playing high school football, and after that became hooked on painkillers. No one belives me but I swear I have ADHD and those pills were the only thing I found that calmed me down. I would sit and get all my homework done and not suffer through it. I am an aspiring film director and editor, and I found myself doing work 100x better than when I was sober.
Well thankfully I have excellent friends and as soon as they realized I had a problem they had me off them in a month. I have been clean now for half a year and have been very very happy. But my grades have been going down lately, its my senior year and I am so anxious I tend to slack off and I feel I have extreme difficulty concentrating on my work. Well I have been working on a film that, if done excellent, will earn me a scholarship. But time is running out, and I feel my creativeness fading. So against my better judgement, tonite I bought 2 grams of Meth from a friend of mine who tweaks regularly and I have always given him a hard time because of it. My intent was just to have enough energy to stay up all nite ( seeing as how we have tomorrow off from school for some weird testing reason) and get alot done on my film.
Well after taking one very small bump, because I felt like I would be a hardcore tweaker if I did alot, I was disapointed by the extreme burning and absence of results. But then 10 minutes later as I was starting to work on my video, I felt a nasty tasting drip start in the back of my throat. Shortly after I became so intensly interested in my film work, and began cranking out ideas a million a minute that are absoloutely genius. Well that was 3 hours ago, and I have accomplished more on my film than I expected to in a month. See this should be a good thing for me, but the reason I feel so sick to my stomach is, Meth gives me the EXACT same feelings of calmness, interest in my projects, and work ethic as painkillers.....but about 100x as powerful. I just called my friend and told him to NEVER ever sell me or refer me to anyone that sells Meth again even if I beg and cry and kick and scream. But deep down inside I know, that I am going to get more, even though I wont want to do it casually, just working on my films, but my films are such a big part of my life I know I am going to depend on this stuff to make my work outstanding.
Now that you have read all this you can clearly see that I am extremly wired as it took me a mere 5 minutes to write this, but I am so scared this is going to ruin my life much like painkillers almost did. I know I probally seem like one of the billion other tweakers in this country, but I really just need someone to reach out to, I know I can stop this if I start now. I know the normal thing to do would be tell my parents, but they are the close minded type that will immeditaly ground me and isolate me from everything in my life without addressing the actual problem, which made my painkiller problem worst in the past. Well I am going to make myself stop writing now because I know I could go on all nite, I am in tears right now, this has made me psychologically realize what is happening to me just by making me type it out.
[Reported Dose: "2 lines insufflated "]
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