DOSE:

15 mg

oral

2C-E

BODY WEIGHT:

105 lb

Started noticing excited, jittery feeling (reminiscent of apmhetamines) around 2 or 2:30am. Hooka smoking for 1/2 hour before. Looked to Mark and noticed he was feeling the same. His eyes were wide with expectation and the beginning stages of wonder. We waited for J to return, which he did once he remembered and the 'trees started exploding'. All three of us walked down to Church Point and I began to appreciate nature more and more with each step. I felt euphoric and slightly floating over the ground. Mental clarity was amazing. I was addressing everything around me, questioning it, and then devising answers. I was persistent in thinking that I was generating light and that was how I could see everywhere in the dark. The College's lights were on all night and this wastefulness disturbed me and I could not find an answer to that question until the very end of the trip. The bricks on the path were shifting and luminescent. I felt very merged with nature and with the other two tripping.

As the trip progressed I consciously decided to do whatever I felt like doing and not hold back. We walked, at times constantly talking with words tripping out of our mouths and over each other, at other times in total and complete silence. The silence was not ominous or crazy....I felt like we were the loudest things in the environment and I mentally apologized to everything for our noise. We reached the graveyard and I looked up. Wonder and love filled me totally to the point where I felt tears forming and falling their way into my smile. The stars were real and pulsing and beautiful. They moved and breathed according to everything in the universe. I couldn't look away from the sky. The three of us moved to a bench, underneath a lowhanging tree, on top of a hill overlooking the water. When I relaxed on the bench, I could feel the wind moving with the trees and touching the stars. The trip kept getting more euphoric and as it progressed I felt so powerful. We left the bench after probably 20mins and continued down the path to Church Point.

After looking up for so long I felt that I couldn't see the ground. When I tried to concentrate on walking down the path, all I could see were shifting greys and blues and no solid ground. I needed the boys on each side of me to make it down the hill. There were three other people with a small fire down at the Point. I felt totally separated from them and yet mildly concerned that my tripping self would make them uncomfortable. This slight worry dissapated when I sat underneath the cross and stared at the sky. My most potent visuals were at this stage. Meteor showers and past star constellations wheeled above me. I saw red and violet and blue pinpoints in between the stars. I knew that this was what made up the spaces between the stars, and that this substance was the same thing that lay between me and other creations. 'This drug fills up the space between the stars', I whispered underneath the sky. The water shifted and made shadows, melding with the sky and creating its own rules of existence.

I began to see sparkles out of the corners of my eyes. And, in accordance with the agreement I had made with myself, I responded by following these sparkles with my eyes and body. The strongest experience was while I was sitting beneath the cross. I saw a blue-yellow sparkle out of my right eye. The sparkle was urging me to turn around and look. I followed with my eyes and torso. Behind me I found a rosy vista in the skies that grew and waved and covered the whole sky behind me. As it rippled I began to think about space and time. I visualized the matter waves in the rosy pink and purple darkness above and behind me. I saw such beauty and knowledge that I had to tell the boys. I turned from the still morphing waves and placed myself in front of chris and mark. I told them as simply as I could what I was seeing. Chris said as I spoke I was glowing. We turned to the fire that the other kids had left. It was still burning, mostly embers and coals, but with a few flames that we attempted to manipulate with our minds. The three of us turned our attention to the fire.

I noticed what I thought were people across the water over by the boat in HSMC. Moving dark shapes with light interspersed...I was positive they were people until minutes afterwards. The boys were cold, but I felt physically wonderful. Warm and tingling with curiosity. When they decided to leave, because of the cold, I suggested we bring the fire with us. Chris picked up a stick on fire and led me and mark back to the path. Visuals with the fire was awesome. Incredible trails followed the fire and it totally fascinated both me and mark. Chris waved it about and tried a couple rave-style tricks. My wonder only increased and I was content watching Chris with the fire ('I am Prometheus'). He offered it to me and I began leading the group up the hill with the fire always before my eyes. It was difficult for me to concentrate on getting up the hill because at that moment all I wanted to be or do was fire. I began to vocalize physical commands. 'Up the hill, up up up the hill', I said and then sang in a ditty tune.

I had felt that ultimate connection with the flame and ember in my hands. I wouldn't have been anything if I hadn't reminded myself that I existed and I needed to mount the hill. It wasn't frightening. Nothing like the severe feeling of insignificance on salvia. If I had decided not to mount the hill, I would have become absorbed in the fire and been anything and everything that was not myself. I made a choice to use/be the drug. I controlled everywhere I walked and thought and saw. The god phase began. I honestly felt like the master of the universe. Light and understanding was with me everywhere. I began to feel magnanimous (delusions of grandeur), as if I was sharing my gift with these other two and the world. I stopped to read a gravestone in the Church. I felt and said that the woman buried had not been visited for a long time. This began a whole series of thoughts about afterlife and creation. We are energies. And humans are so passing....just fleeting energies in a massive cosmic cycle. Shortly thereafter, I focused on the dying embers in the stick I was holding.

The fire went out and we decided to go back to Caroline for more clothes so we could continue walking comfortably. My feelings of godliness (Chris said, 'The three stages of godhood' - I objected to the suffix hood, preferred way or ness) increased and I think they began to effect the other two. As we walked up the path, the forsythia bush behind dorchester drew us all. It was golden and glowing in the night and immediately began to arouse me sexually. I voiced this feeling because it was so strong. The power the bush had over me was hypnotic and ultimately physical. Chris jumped into the bush, and I was afraid he would hurt it. I protested kindly and began untangling the branches from inside the tree. I discovered as I untangled more golden rods of incredible bliss, that the bush grew tangled. The roots and base of the tree twisted in perfection and unparalleled design. I marveled at nature's creation and teared for happiness again. I wanted a piece of the bush, but only if it gave it to me, I sincerely didn't want to wound the bush. I felt around the branches and a weak twig broke off in my hand.

I was happy to leave the bush with a piece of it with me. We walked around the back of Dorchester and I decided that I wanted to view the hill in front of PG. The ground was illuminated so clearly in my eyes and mind that I swear I saw every blade of grass and indentation in the soil. It glowed green and golden yellow. They weren't 'psychedelic' colors but they were fascinating because they were real and I could see straight through to their essence. I stopped and enjoyed the view for a few minutes, the boys followed my lead and sat down to enjoy the grass for a little bit. They weren't cold when we reached caroline. So we walked around distractedly for approximately ten minutes and went back outside. On our way towards mattapany, they remembered the cold again. We returned to Chris' room to get jackets. This was a very confused and jittery stage. People were entering in and out of 'my' world. I felt that when they opened the door they were altering the reality that I was examining at the moment. And I was annoyed that I couldn't address all the questions that they raised when the opened the entrance door.

I craved to be outside. After we entered Caroline for the second time, we practically wordlessly put on more jackets and stepped outside as quickly as possible. The physical high I began to feel when we were outside rivaled any drug I have ever done. I immediately compared it to coke. The mental lucidity and the physical pleasure increased and passed the threshold of narcotics. I willfully decided that I wanted to walk down the path, across mattapany, into the practice fields and woods. The darkness intimidated the boys once we crossed mattapany. I was so brave in my godliness that I knew the light would follow me and I would be safe. I ventured out until the ground proved unstable beneath my feet. I was convinced that there was water behind this line of trees and that I must go in that direction. The boys didn't want to. But as I made my argument for that route of exploration the wind picked up and blew us towards the spot I wanted. The light seemed centered around this break in the line of trees. I felt irresistably drawn to the spot. I walked to it confidently and found the ground was unstable.

I made up my mind that I was going to cross the line of trees and walked alongside them until I saw a break that I fit through. I walked through the opening into a beautiful field. Open and wide I could see the sky again. We were in the dead center of a ring of old respected trees. Hundreds and Hundreds of years they had seen us stare at them in amazement and they still enjoyed our wonder. So tall and ancient and personable. The trees were personified, and Chris tried to place them in an hierarchical status ('that is the king tree, that is the lord'). I was having an excellent time in full control of all that I was doing and seeing. My exclamations unnerved Chris and he began talking about social conventions/society/coping. After a while, I decided I wanted to walk back. The trip shifted here, probably because of the conversation. All night I had been envisioning other people in the distance. None of those visions were as strong as the one I got upon leaving the circle of trees. As I broke back into the first field I saw four dancing lights in the distance.

I was totally fascinated and engrossed by the lights. But for once I could not define them. I thought very hard that they were people, but as I walked faster and faster towards them they seemed to get farther away. Dancing out of reach at the same distance no matter if I walked faster or slower. I dropped back behind the boys who still walked steadily towards the lights. I wandered off to the left side, thinking briefly that we could perform some sort of pincer movement to capture the 'light people'. Then I began wondering whether they were nymphs or mischievious creatures who were trying to fuck with us. I slowed my walk to a shuffle, I was a good distance away from the boys who had stopped up ahead. I walked slowly up to them, conveyed my inability to understand the lights. I believe mark saw them as I did for when I looked at his eyes they were wide with questioning and acceptance. He couldn't look away from them until he said, 'That's enough of that' and turned his back on the lights. I told/asked for affirmation - that I felt he made conscious decisions alot of the time on questions of reality. He responded in agreement.

Constantly he makes decisions that construct the reality he lives in, the line between conventional and dreams is thin for him. He was much better at absorbing things then I was I think. A more seasoned tripper and I compassionately wished I had the talent to do the same. We returned to Caroline, to chris' room. We were dehydrated and got a pink lemonade. I found the firestick had left ash all over my hands and I wanted to wash them. When I wandered down the hallway to the girls bathroom and looked in the mirror my eyes were wide and my pupils were extremely dilated. I almost laughed from my wide-eyed stare. Returned to Chris' room where he played Godspeed You Black Emperor. The perfect tripping music. My second peak began when I looked out of Chris' window onto the hills and volleyball net and felt the music sink into my pores. After a couple songs where I felt amazingly physically - awesome sex drug? - I felt an intense need to make fire. Chris and I began lighting stuff in his window which overlooks the balcony.

While he was lighting paper and caps on fire I was inspired. I reached for one of the empty drink bottles scattered around his room and took the paper towel roll off the desk. I stuffed the paper towels in strips down into the empty bottle. I then attempted to make several sticks of paper that I could put down the mouth of the bottle and light the paper inside of it. This worked to a degree. It melted the bottle and glowed with embers. I picked another bottle and decided that what I wanted was to see the fire in the very center of the clear plastic. I stuffed it with paper towels again and constructed a couple paper wicks. I melted a small hole in the center of the bottle with the lit paper wick and then used the other wick to light the paper in the center inside of the bottle. It worked. I felt wonderful. I had once more created exactly what I wanted. A portable fire that you could take with you and not be concerned about burning anything or yourself.

As the fire burned the air flow increased and I could see the embers more clearly. It was beautiful and I freely and happily gave it to Chris and to Mark to hold and have. We started coming down off of the trip as the sun came up clearer and clearer. We closed one blind all the way and left the other half open so we could gaze at the designs in the brick wall. Chris began to get agitated. I tried to help him relax. Mark and I silently relaxed, enjoyed the music, and stared outside. We asked Chris to go get the chessboard from Ryan's room. He returned with it and found that it was too complicated for him to concentrate on. The possibilities swamped him. Mark and I began to play. Chris needed to sleep so we broke from our group and decided tentatively on tripping again Monday after classes.

Monday's experience is a totally different story...

Exp Year: 2004	ExpID: 32409
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Jun 15, 2004	Views: 15,186
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2C-E (137) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Nature / Outdoors (23), Glowing Experiences (4), First Times (2), General (1)