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Going Down the Rabbit Hole...
Ketamine
by Herald of Chaos
Citation:   Herald of Chaos. "Going Down the Rabbit Hole...: An Experience with Ketamine (exp32582)". Erowid.org. May 21, 2019. erowid.org/exp/32582

 
DOSE:
  repeated insufflated Ketamine (powder / crystals)

BODY WEIGHT: 120 lb


Dose: slightly over ¼ gram of K. nasally. First line about half of it, then the rest of it in smaller lines (5 of them) (purity unknown, but from the coinsures it was mediocre stuff, however this comes from people that have done and do pure.)

Other drugs in system: 3 pills of Ecstasy, last pill taken more than 12 hours before k experience.
Other drugs in system: 3 pills of Ecstasy, last pill taken more than 12 hours before k experience.
First pill was very rushy; the second two were more of a mellow floating in warm water feeling.

Past K experiences: this was #5 for me, the first one was fantastic, the next two just kind of there, my fourth was a real trip.

Activities of the night: a really good party, followed by hanging out at a friends place then home.

Physical condition: actually I'm in the best health physically since I was 16. Though there was the fatigue of the party, and pushing 24+ hours of sleep dep by that point. (As a note however, un-assisted I often do 48 to 72 hours sleep dep, so a day isn’t much of a deal for me)

Frame stats: Male, Caucasian, 5’10”, 120 pounds, age 30, Virgo/water ox

First Dose taken: 6:25pm

End of Experience:
10:31pm is when I was level enough to know I was coming out of the Dive, however I was still very high at point.
At 11:15pm I was together enough to leave my room, interact with the roommates, etc… but was still wobble high.
By 2:00am I was as close to completely sober as I was going to get without a hot shower and sleep. (Which followed.)

Total real time: 4 hours 50 minutes roughly
Total real time: 4 hours 50 minutes roughly


It’s all about Rabbit holes.

For me drugs are a good time, or a tool to use to connect with the spark inside. Which means, sometimes I do drugs to have a good time, and sometimes I do drugs to do things. I'm not going to really get into the specifics of my belief structure, but when I say do things, I mean in a magical/spiritual/mental sense. Not all of them or just one of them, sometimes its to see what I have buried in my subconscious, and sometimes its to heal over psychological wounds sometimes its to chat with higher powers.

The rabbit hole is that sense of “hey this goes somewhere.” For me it’s like having a good time, and then noticing that hey there’s a rabbit hole there, where does it go? My first time on K was like that. The experience wasn’t anything I thought I would be, and as I spent my time disconnected and translating reality, I saw in the experience the rabbit hole.

Many of my big trips have been great experiences, however I found myself at the end of it trying to put what had happened in some sense of order; or sometimes trying to figure out what had occurred. Nothing bugs me more than coming out and then thinking something really cool happened in there, what was it?
Nothing bugs me more than coming out and then thinking something really cool happened in there, what was it?


Jokingly, what’s the sense of having a deep very good experience and talking to god… if you can’t remember what you guys talked about?

So I decided to go on a dive into the rabbit hole but this time, I would do it solo. Most of my previous dives has been done with a support network “just in case” a very sensible thing to do, we are talking about playing with parts of your Psyche and spirituality that might not necessarily go somewhere good. (e.g. one of my previous dives was unintentional, and resulted in a partial nervous breakdown and the discovery of a locked off part of my Psyche unknown even to me. Regression, repressed memories and being high sometimes aren’t a good thing.)

The decision to go off on this trip was actually an afterthought; I had a bunch of the K sitting around and thought, hey why not.

I decided to go solo this time for a few reasons, the biggest one is I had to learn to trust myself. I was smart enough to set it up so if help was required, it was accessible. (My roommates were home.)

First thing I did for set up was lay out the lines. Then I did the smart thing of putting the rest of the K far away. Then I started to set up the physical environment around me so anything and everything I would possibly need would be in less than arms reach.

Now, part of this trip I wanted to document as much as I could while it happened. And I wanted a variety of mediums to do it in. I have an instinctive familiarity with my computer, and know that even if my view of reality is completely skewed I can still type.
On top of that I got my big sketchbook and a brand new box of 8 Crayola crayons.

My previous times on K had shown me an interesting connection to my inner child, so the next thing I addressed was comfort/mental health things. So I got my actual security blanket out to snuggle up into, my favorite mashy toys, put on some comfy cloths.

Media, not only to document with, but also to experience during the Dive was next. So I arranged the media to play windowed on my monitor seamlessly so everything I needed was only a mouse click away.
Media I picked and used.
Music Gladiator- main theme, Hans Zimmer & Lisa Gerrard. On repeat.
(I had had previous interaction with this track that was incredible positive.)
Movie: Disney’s Song of the South. This movie has a deep connection with my inner child.
Visual: my Photo album, with pictures of friends’ family and myself in my youth. On top of that I had several pictures set up in a folder that I could scroll thru in a window on my computer.
(As a note, yes I did have the audio of the movie and the song playing at the same time.)

So I got snuggled in, closed and locked my door. Made posts in my online journals hit enter and did the first line.

Journal entries, pictures of the pictures I drew in as close to chronological order as I can are available, however hosting it from my server isnt happening right now... sorry.

The first thing I would like to mention about the experience is, this is the first one I've had to the depth I got, that afterwards I didn’t feel completely drained in some way. In previous experiences with other chemicals, afterwards I had felt a “rode hard and put away wet feeling” either physically, mentally or spiritually. However, I cant say if that was from using K, or if the other Dives had a intensity that was different, or even if because I'm getting better at doing these dives that the shock to the system is lessened.

The timing and frequency of the rest of the dose wasn’t kept track of. Basically, when my experience said it was time for a little more, I'd do one of the smaller lines
when my experience said it was time for a little more, I'd do one of the smaller lines
. I only have the memory of doing two of smaller lines; one of them being me noting to myself that that was the last line, and that eventually my experience would come to an end eventually.

Sorry for some of the edits in them, while I would like to share the bulk of my experience with you all, some things are completely private, I hope you all understand.

So all in all a very good personal experience, and while it was a fantastic trip down that particular rabbit hole, I have the sense that I'm not quite done with it yet. Which means, since the success of this trip, and the documentation that it provided, I'm going to dive in again, this time probably a lot deeper and for longer.

In hindsight it was a little bit foolhardy to do it solo, especially to such a depth, but I had done my research, set myself out boundaries and took special attention to my safety and well being.
I had done my research, set myself out boundaries and took special attention to my safety and well being.
I had a safety net layer out as a back up, roommates and assistance was only a room away or at worst, mouse clicks and typing. (MSN Messenger.)

We all have separate quests, paths and journeys to make. Mine are not anyone else’s, but if I can blaze part of a trail, or leave bits of map, or tools I used in my quests that help others with theirs. Then I've helped the Whole as well as helping myself.

PLURR!

Exp Year: 2004ExpID: 32582
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 30 
Published: May 21, 2019Views: 1,409
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Ketamine (31) : Alone (16), Personal Preparation (45), General (1)

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