BODY WEIGHT:

140 lb

I discovered the 'joy' of opiates when I was 14. I had an infected tooth that required surgical extraction and my dentist prescribed Tylenol-3 for postop pain. My Mom took me home and administered the pill. Within 30 minutes I was in what I can only describe as paradise.

That was the beginning of my undoing. I have been an abuser of opiates for the past 20+ years. Since I am something of a chicken I never found a 'dealer' per se. I have never had a 'street' connection so I have always been compelled to lie to doctors, etc. to get what I wanted. It was never a serious problem as I never had a steady enough supply to cause any real trouble.

Until October of 2001. I finally met a 'Dr. Feelgood' and the adventure began. I was truly suffering from back pain and I had a dramatic MRI to prove it. It started out innocently enough, small doses, short acting and limited quantities. But we ramped it up in short order. At the height of this I was on 120mg Oxycontin BID and 5mg OxyIR QID. We had some misunderstandings in our relationship (Klonopin from another MD) and he put me onto Duragesic 100mcg patches because they were not abusable. Bullshit. I had that figured out in a matter of hours. But that is not what this story is about.

What this is really about is when my supply got cut off and I spiraled into a hellish withdrawal. The reasons for being cut off aren't really important what is important is how to live through it. After many prohibitively expensive internet purchases, bullshitting a dentist and even convincing my dog's vet that he had a terrible cough that required Tussionex, I hit bottom. I was not willing to keep bullshitting, this is a small town and I feared 'talk' about me so doctors and dentists were out of the question. Veterinarians are not idiots either so that was short-lived. Just when I thought I might die from being in the depths of withdrawal I discovered my salvation. POPPY PODS! Thank God!

I am currently ingesting tea BID and the gnawing desire to be high is slowly fading away. Once that is completely in my past I will begin to titrate the tea dose down to zero. I am supremely confident of my ability to do this. But I arrived at that opinion after asking myself (can't lie to the mirror) some tough questions as to the true nature of my addiction. I have settled on the fact that I am/was highly physically addicted/dependent but as the desire to be high fades into the background it occurs to me that psychologically I was probably just a recreational user. Nevertheless physical withdrawal is VERY real and can be cruelly protracted.

Exp Year: 1977-2004	ExpID: 32835
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 41
Published: May 1, 2026	Views: Not Supported
[ View PDF (to print) ] [ View LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Swap Dark/Light ]
Poppies - Opium (43) : Retrospective / Summary (11), Addiction & Habituation (10), Alone (16)