DOSE:

repeated

IV

Methamphetamine

(liquid)

BODY WEIGHT:

130 lb

I cant remember when I the last time I got high just to have a good time and party; but need a good bump just to function like a normal person-go to work, clean the house, just to make it through the rigors of everyday life and I bearly even feel good when I do blast.

I started doing meth because it was always a good time staying up, hanging out-and the many crazy and stupid projects were once a great party; and the bonus was it was an excellent way to diet. Each hit was a euphoric rush, and made me feel ontop of the world, able to accomplish anything. I thought that I will feel like this forever, and slowly it took me down a road leading to hell with no ride back.

My life has made a total 180 in the past ten years (my first line back in 1994). I was in college, had a good job lined up after graduation, a new car, a decent savings account, and respect and admiration of my family and love ones. Slowly I screwed up everything I had worked hard to earn. I have a degree in graphic design, and at one point I was designing for a large printing company, and on the fast track to be the chief designer-but when I was asked to take a drug test because of my changing attitude, erratic behavior, tardiness and using all your sick and vacation hours as fast as you earn them, along with being sloppy with your required paraphernalia (dropping your syringe in the bathroom, and being too spun to pick it up) I didn't keep that job. After the first job it becomes more and more easier to accept being fired. I slowly ruined my reputation, and my work got more and more sloppy to the point no one wants me working for them. Then I slowly start losing everything..even my self respect.

I currently live with my parents and I struggle to pay my 400 a month rent, because of a awful rental history that includes numerous noise complaints, having visitors all hours of the day and night, the cop calls, ect..to where no one wants to rent to me. I have sold, lost, given away anything that was worth anything of value, I cant remember when I had a enough money to go to a movie, dinner, buy an outfit, anything- I balance my dope to what important, and god forbid if I buy groceries or pay a bill and then good shards appear-I save for the shards. I can barely take care of Myself. Its a struggle to function if I'm out if stuff..all I can do is sleep, stuck in death-bed mode until I can get a spoon full to help me get up, take a shower, do dishes, laundry, anything, I feel totally worthless-which makes me want to get high to block out the anger I feel towards myself.

I no longer have friends that I can relay on, because those I run with are just as shady and out for the next spoonful as I am they cannot be trusted. And the friends I could count on are either in jail, treatment, in the hospital getting treated for hepitis c. I become totally alone. I have gone to treatment-but there are not very many programs for meth users- I am put with the drinker, or with people with other addictions so I dont get very good treatment..because I have a hard time relating to the alcoholic, or pot smoker who after detox feels better and I'm still on deaths door, and my issues are similar but not the same, and along with physical and mental addiction is harder to work through (they say meth is almost worse than heroin to kick)

Sometimes I wish that my next blast would be my last. I have overdosed before..but always seem to come through, because its no longer fun.

Exp Year: 2004	ExpID: 33242
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Aug 24, 2020	Views: 1,356
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Methamphetamine (37) : Addiction & Habituation (10), Not Applicable (38)