Citation: J. "My Clothes Were Falling Off Me: An Experience with Methamphetamine (exp3343)". Erowid.org. Dec 24, 2001. erowid.org/exp/3343
I was 17 the first time I experimented with Speed. I had only ever smoked pot and drank. I was always curious about other things, but was always a little too scared to try them because of the bad stories I always heard. One day, I was talking to a close friend who did use Speed, and I made up my mind that I would try it. I bought $20 worth from her. I left her house and hid everything in my car.
Later that night, I drove to another friends house, and told him that I had just bought it. He was indifferent about the whole thing, and didn't really want to participate, so I went and sat in my car outside his house. I didn't know exactly what the hell I was supposed to do with it. It was my first time, after all. I sat there staring at it for the longest time. I didn't have a mirror, or a razor blade, so I used a CD that I hated for my chopping surface, and a hair barrette to chop it up and make the lines. That part was fun to me. Chopping, and making lines. I still find myself doing that with candy. Anyways, I managed to make a few decent lines, and then I took a straw that I just happened to have laying around and bit it in half.
I held the straw to my nose, and counted to myself, 1..2..3. I sniffed hard and got the whole line up quickly. My eyes watered so much that I had tears streaming down my face. My nose was burning like I had just inhaled fire. I hadn't chopped it up enough, so I had inhaled big chunks of it. That was stupid of me. I choked on one of the chunks when it slid down my throat. The bitter aftertaste started dripping down my throat, and it made me gag hard. I cleaned up my nose and put the rest of the stuff away.
The first thing I remember feeling was a tingling sensation going up the back of my neck, and to the top of my head. It felt like all of my hair was standing straight up. I had to check myself in the mirror to see if it really was. It wasn't. I got a little clammy and cold too. That feeling didn't go away. I felt a fast flutter in my chest, and then started getting a tingly feeling all up and down my arms and legs. I felt really good. Really happy.
I went back into the house, and felt like doing something. Anything. Anything would have been fun. I felt like I had just hooked up to the electrical socket, and was charged full of energy. I sat down and started writing nonsense on a scrap of paper. Then I started tearing the paper in perfect uniform pieces. It took me forever. I felt like I was accomplishing something great. I can't believe that was actually entertaining.
The feeling started wearing off after about an hour, maybe less. I felt like I needed more in my body. I didn't want the feeling to go away. I did another line. Then another, and then another. I had finished all of the speed by the wee hours of the morning. I couldn't believe it. I thought it would have lasted me longer than one night. I think I did more than I should have.
I absolutely loved that night, and I definitely wanted to do more, so I got into the habit of buying $20-$40 worth every week after that. I rationed it more carefully too. I did have a lot of fun.
A little more than two months passed, and I developed a constant need for it. I had to have it everyday or I would get cranky and mean. I couldn't even imagine having to go through everyday life without it. I was addicted. I only weighed 125 lbs to start with, and I bet I lost about 10-15 more during those months. My clothes were falling off me. I never ate, never slept. I looked like shit. I was getting so bad, that I did lines on the freeway while I was driving. I was on my way to go and pay a speeding ticket. I did lines in the parking lot of the courthouse when I got there. There was cops all over the place. I realized even more after that day, that I had a problem. I just didn't want to believe it.
I ran out of extra money one week, and couldn't afford to get anymore. I thought I could handle it. No big deal. Yeah right. I was the biggest wreck you ever saw. I didn't want to get up from bed to deal without it. I figured if I was sleeping, I wouldn't want it. I stayed asleep all weekend long. I knew I had to get up Monday and go to work at 6:30am. I made myself get up, and when I looked in the mirror, I cried. I didn't recognize myself at all. I couldn't see the color of my eyes because my pupils were so huge, and I had huge dark circles underneath them. My face was white as a sheet. I was shaking, and sweating. I was having such horrible stomach pains that I was doubling over. I tried to do my makeup, and it just kept sliding off my face from all the sweat. I did my face up about 5 times. I finally just washed my face, got dressed, and just went straight to work. I shouldn't have gone. I couldn't handle it. I felt horrible. I walked out of work bawling my eyes out, and ended up telling a friend what I had been doing. He calmed me down, and I went home for the day.
I haven't touched Speed since then, but I have considered doing it again in the future. At least next time, I will know what to expect, and what to watch out for.
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