Citation: Kley Kruze. "To Break: An Experience with Diphenhydramine (exp34135)". Erowid.org. Feb 13, 2007. erowid.org/exp/34135
Well, it all started in February when my friend and I started using Diphenhydramine recreationally. We had heard that it makes you hallucinate and we had read experiences. We stopped using DXM temporarily to make room for DPH. The first time I took 25 tablets of Benadryl (625mg). The second I took only 22 tablets (550mg). The third I took 30 tablets (750mg), and this time, the fourth time, the last time, I took 30 again.
It was a week after spring break. I got home from my girlfriends house at about 11:20pm. I called my friend over and we slowly downed the little pink pills. We did this in my room since it had a lock and my parents are quite nosey. I took thirty, he took thirty-six. He weighs a bit more than me though so it was about even.
I started my stopwatch as soon as we downed the first set of ten. We had all the pills down as my stopwatch passed the six minute mark. We had also consumed two cokes each. As crazy as it may sound, a minute after I had all the pills down, I swear I started hallucinating. A hard-cover book appeared to be bending in the corner of my eye. I didn't tell this to my friend because he'd think I was retarded, which at times I am.
We went for a walk as my stopwatch approached ten minutes. We disposed all the boxes and wrappers by dumping them in my neighbor's trash can. We slowly walked back to my house. We both started shaking and shivering, as it was only March and still a bit chilly out. As we approached my house I noticed the downstairs lights were on. I yelled, 'Oh Shit!' and we started running towards the house. Surely my mother was downstairs. I told her we just went for a walk and we were fine. I told her to go back to bed. I noticed my voice was becoming extremely light and weak. It was on the verge of a whisper. Once she got back to bed, I was much relieved.
My friend and I started playing Medieval: Total War, the best game ever. I honestly don't remember it too well, but he says we did. I turned on some soft rock music on low on Winamp. I told him we should lay down until the shock of the DPH left. I actually just wanted to sleep. My voice had turned into a whisper by now, and my body felt like it weighed about 600lbs. We pulled the futon out from against the wall and extended it into a bed. We decided not to sleep longitudially on the bed, since we were both very straight. We slept laterally with our legs protruding a good two feet from the side of the bed. I grabbed a few blankets and threw them on us, and my friend used my beanbag as a footrest.
My state of mind was in a word: chaotic. Waves of opposing emotions overwhelmed my psychie: fatigue, apathy, paranoia, and feminism. I checked my stopwatch. An hour had passed since we consumed the pills. The lights were off so I didn't get to notice any open-eye hallucinations.
My stomach started to ache with a sharp, pulsating sensation. I noticed I could evade the pain by taking deep slow breaths. In my mind I thought I would puke if I stopped breathing slowly and deeply. I felt my heart in complete tachycardia. It was like a bass drum being beaten my an obiese boxer from southern Kentucky. Insane as that may sound, those were the exact words that came through my head.
I checked my watch again: six hours elapsed. That can't be right I thought. I checked it again: Hello. My watch was talking to me. It didn't strike me as a hallucination but simply as the way things were. No matter what time it was, I had to pee. I would've stayed and talked to the watch, but all that would've come out would be a whisper. And the effort it would've taken would force me into a coma. I slowly stood up. Now I no longer felt heavy. I felt like I was hovering. I had set my glasses by the computer. I walked slowly around the bean bag and put on my glasses. I opened the door and hovered to the bathroom.
When I finally arived in my bathroom, I turned on the lights and began to piss. It kept coming out. It kinda stung, but I wasn't about to complain. I noticed that we now had a black fish in our toilet bowl. It swam aimlessly about inside the toilet. I tried pissing directly at it but it must've taken it the wrong way. It flipped out into the sink. I finished pissing and walked to the sink. It was so real. The fish was still in it, grasping for water. I turned on the faucet to let it breathe. After about ten seconds, it turned into a very small maple tree that got sucked down the drain. I thought my plumber is going to be pissed about this. I washed my hands and returned to my computer room.
I suppose somewhere in my head, I knew a black fish could not live a toilet, nor could it turn into a small maple and be swallowed by my sink. Perhaps it only happened because it was impossible. Perhaps my subconscious awareness of the bounds of reality provoked this visual manifestation. Whatever the cause, It freaked me out. I didn't realize it was a hallucination until I re-entered the computer room and took off my glasses and went back to sleep (well, I wasn't really sleeping, but thats what I'm calling it so sue me).
Throughout the night I continued making voyages to the bathroom and being confronted by open-eye-hallucinations such as ants and spiders swarming out of my vents, a gecko on the mirror, a threat note posted on the bathroom door. It was a strange feeling, having to pee constantly, but never being able to do so in peace.
My friend announced he was leaving. I looked at my watch. It was 10 in the morning. I said goodbye and walked upstairs. I had to go to a church trip to Des Moines at noon. I walked into the kitchen looking for food. My mom came and told me we needed to talk. I was worried to say the least. I couldn't tell if I was still messed up or not.
We wound up sitting on a couch in my upstairs living room. My mother opened the conversation with, 'How much benadryl did you take last night?' I answered with none, but she looked at me like what the hell are you talking about. She hadn't asked me a thing, but I heard it. I heard the question I didn't want to hear and answered it. She disappeared straight in front of my eyes. I got scared. I looked at my watch again, 9:30. Oh shit! I'm still hallucinating. It was just 10. I looked at the wall clock which has large numbers, hard to mistake. It was 5:30 in the fucking morning.
Maybe my parents were never talking to me. Maybe I could go downstairs and sleep. I got up and made my way downstairs. I never made it. I wound up outside. My parents got me and started yelling at me. My mom forced my dad to take me to the hospital. I told them I was fine, but she insisted. To say the least, the ride to the hospital felt like years. Seriously, years. No exaggeration. It only took about 17 minutes in reality, but I was no longer in reality.
In the waiting room I asked for some water because the dry mouth was setting in. My dad got me an Aquafina. I drank a sip and choked on it. I couldn't swallow. I spit it back in the bottle and set it down. I told him I couldn't swallow. Suddenly I was back in my house. I was in my computer room. My mom came down and told me to get back to the hospital. Shit, I'm dreaming. I awoke and I was still at the hospital. I longed to get back to bed with my parent's ignorance, but I was lying back down on a hospital bed with needles in me and sensors all over my body. I saw many hallucinations at the hospital since it was well illuminated with fluorescent bulbs and great windows. At one point I thought I was in Davenport.
It was a horrible trip and I can't wait until we get the hospital bill (joke...). It wasn't even that much fun. No it wasn't any fun. The only reason I did it was to get hallucinations, which scared the fuck out of me. I still hallucinate today although this was nine weeks ago. Just small things of course. I plan to pick up DXM again some time this summer. I never will do Diphenhydramine again. It sucked. Anyways, goodluck to all the trippers and druggies. Keep it real, Keep it safe, Underclock. Time governs us all.
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