Citation: Mr. Clean. "Too Easy To Fall In: An Experience with Cocaine (exp34256)". Erowid.org. Dec 12, 2007. erowid.org/exp/34256
||(powder / crystals)
These are my experiences with coke, first a little background.
Most people start young, I didn't really do anything until I was 18 and working, so I already had a fair bit of life experience before trying any drugs. I became an avid pothead for about 3 years, and they were the best years of my life in many ways! I wish I could go back, but coke changed it all.
I had tried a line here and there in the end of high school, but I didn't buy any until the fall of 2002 when I had a good job and my pot dealer could get me blow regularly and it was easy. So I bought some. I was so excited about finally having my own stash to try, and the first little line or two I took it easy, and only felt the effects a little bit.
Then I took a gagger (a fat rail) and it hit me fully for the first time ever. 'Go' by Moby was on my stereo, and my heart started beating to the beat. I felt so alive, I can't remember but I think I danced around my room for a bit. Then I snorted another line and sat back with my guitar. I played some of the best riffs I've ever come up with, I never had that much creative energy when smoking pot. Then I settled down as I had work the next day and I did not want any kind of hangover. I remember feeling euphoric the next couple days at work, kinda like the big man around the job. I got in the habit of having one or two lines after work, and that was it. Just to feel it's effects and 'experiment' in my mind. I told myself I was only going to buy one 8 ball (3.5 grams) and that would be it.
Well my mom was getting on my nerves, and I decided to buy a second ball when the first ran out. That's when the trouble started. I started taking a line after my mom would fight with me, to forget about the bullshit and feel better. It helped and she calmed down, and I was doing really well at work. This went on for a little while and I felt fine, a couple times taking the train to work in the morning I still felt mashed from the night before, but rarely did it affect my work.
Two things happened to me that scared the shit out of me. I was staying in a motel once and I had work the next day. I didn't even realize the time fly by, but all the sudden I looked up and it was 5 in the morning and I was still doing rails. I tried so hard to look sober at work, and I don't think anyone noticed, but it scared me. Another time I had to go pick up a relative on short notice, and I was already fried, and I was starting to sketch out while driving. [Erowid Note:
Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. Don't do it!]
I'd rather not repeat everything that happened but the whole event made me see myself from other peoples eyes. It scared the shit out of me. I never bought it again after that. I did finish what I had though.
Since then I haven't been able to smoke pot, and it took me almost a year to feel 'normal' around people again. I never had an addictive personality before this experience, but it really changed me. It's been over a year and a half since I touched the stuff, and every once in a while I think about it and my heart starts to beat. I could get it in a second if I wanted it, but I don't. In the long run the only thing coke gave me was a long lasting headache. Many people will tell you it's very bad, but when you try it you think 'Hey, this doesn't affect me that much' but it's a habit, and once it's in you it's hard to get out.
I'm glad I came out clean, I've got the same job still and it's going great, and my life is really starting to come together piece by piece. I wish I could say the same for friends of mine that got caught in the same trap.
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