Citation: Phate. "My Own Synthetic Mother Nature: An Experience with Oxycodone, Hydrocodone & Codeine (exp34377)". Erowid.org. Jun 26, 2007. erowid.org/exp/34377
I guess I need to just explain my story and tell the whole world about addiction... teenage addiction. I am 17, 4.0 student, many friends (most clean...won't even drink that often), and I have a few home problems but none more than your average teenager. This all started in 2001, my mom had breast surgery and got 40 Vicodin. I took one here and there and told my friend how awesome the buzz was. Every once in a while my best friend would want to try one and we'd share the experience. It was bliss...
I never thought I could get addicted to anything. I had the perfect life and how could I get into that crap and be addicted right? I couldn't understand why people that smoked just couldn't quit...I didn't get it. Well this year it got much worse. In the fall of 2003, my Dad injured his back. He got about 60 Vicodin and a refill whenever he needed. So me and my best friend would experiment when they left the house or occassionaly I'd bring a few to school and swallow two with a friend of mine. No biggie and he had always told me 'You better not get addicted, have fun but don't get addicted.' OK I would tell him I promise. Well we both got a little heavy into this kind of stuff. My mom eventually got kidney stones and an unlimited refillable script of Endocets (5/325 of Oxycodone) this was a whole new world. Screw vicodin...oxycodone is where it's at...we would do these many a time in school and just sit there and be relaxed and just chill. Until came a time when I took 4 Vicodin and 2 Endocet's. My friend had one of each...I was so energetic it was great...best time so far...next morning I threw up...it made me think. I thought a lot. Well, I decided it was best to not use.
Uh-oh, February of 04 and my dad has his surgery...what am I lookin at when he gets home? Ah who cares about how he's feelin, right as he goes to bed...oooh he's got 60 20mg oxycontin and 60 5/500 percocet's. I'm loving this. Well I had bveen dating a girl at this time and her mom was addicted to pain killers...we broke up cuz she knew I was on them. Screw her I thought I got my friends right? Wrong...they soon turned on me cuz of what I was doing...ok. So in April I talk to my dad about his pain and how he's feeling 'Well, I haven't taken but 5 of those oxycontin...they make me sick'...how many are left in the bottle...i check that night...15. I take the bottle of that and every other pain killer one by one over the next two weeks. Holy crap i'm out...ok don't panic. Go to grandma's...ooh tylenol 3's...ok 20 of those...gone in a week crap...what to do. OK, watch the neighbor's dog...ooh she had surgery what she got. YEAH! 10 40mg pills of oxy in my pocket. gone in two weeks. AGH!
I got help. I finally decided enough is enough. I still crave day in and day out. All the time, it is a voice in my head always nagging me 'when ya gonna get more...come on find some...' no one deals scripted drugs around here so that's out of the question. I have been clean for a month almost and still crave. I am back with the girl that broke up with me and life is ok. I am so scared to go to the dentist cuz I know I will have teeth pulled and I know it will be so hard for me when they hand me a prescription for whatever pain killer they deem necessary to deal with the pain. Can I handle even getting a script and taking the pill and not abusing? I don't think so and I am so afraid each day that I will come across some and take them and begin this crazy cycle over again. Please, I am not trying to tell what to do or not to do...but don't ignore the fact that addiction is real ok? It really does suck...I mean this addiction will be with me forever. I am going to be a doctor, this addiction will put a real damper on that if I end up getting an urge and steal some meds and then get caught...what will I do? Think about all of these things before using recreationally...please. Becuase I didn't, and I don't want people becoming addicted like I am...
here's a poem that I wrote while heavily addicted and trying to quit but seemed like there was no way to quit...and no one was there that could help.
You see through me
Feelings of angst flee
Feelings of hate are hidden
My own synthetic mother nature
Shows me I'm not love-ridden.
I have love, I can prove to you
Just not for beings in your reality...
Never again will I become defensive
And never again will I have to care
Because my own synthetic mother nature says
With you, I have nothing left to share.
You will no longer find me here
No longer within your grasp
Our worlds are different, it's obvious
And the doors been closed with a synthetic clasp.
The OC keeps the key.
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