Citation: Nemo. "Tweaker Motormouth Defloweration: An Experience with Methamphetamine (exp34834)". Erowid.org. Jan 25, 2005. erowid.org/exp/34834
This was my first time trying crystal, though not my first with stimulants, this anecdote is pretty long and detailed, mainly because I'm still high as I write it and I've been blabbing like a toddler all night. Before I begin though, a little about my prior drug history:
I was totally straight due to hanging out mostly with nerds until Sophomore year of high school. I had a friend who smoked a lot of pot and finally I got curious enough. I smoked all year without ever really feeling anything beyond mildly spacey, no idea why I had such an unusual reaction to it. First day of Junior year we smoked a bowl after school, and it hit me SO hard; I'll never forget the rush that went through me, I coughed for like twenty minutes, then I looked up and grabbed the pipe again. I'm a pothead, I admit it, I take a small bong hit at least once a day; not because I'll feel shitty and pissed if I don't, because I love it (what can I say). Smoking pot turned my gaze inside me and matured me from a noisy and stupid little kid into a more confident and less obnoxious man; it also introduced me to the fact that getting high is fun.
Junior year was my high point of experimenting and stupidity. I got drunk for the first time and had a phase of alcoholism the following summer (I was addicted, I NEEDED to drink, but I decided it was stupid and got over in about a week, this seems to piss of a lot of FOB's), I started smoking a lot (plus buying it to have around for when I was alone, which I hadn't ever done before); that year alone I tried shrooms, DXM, cigarettes, and began taking ephedra on a daily basis. The last one I can't comprehend in retrospect, it was just retarded; I popped a yellow jacket (25 Mg ephedra and a bunch of caffeine) in the morning on the way to school just so I could be wired all day, completely illogical. Since then I've also tried some other lesser known natural drugs more recently (about 3 years after HS I think), Salvia for one thing, and I grow a Brugmansia who's flowers I've smoked, I mostly stick to the natural side. I've tried a few chemicals, mostly DXM in in 4 oz doses of robo (worked the first few times), I've also popped some pills or been injected (pre-surgery) with morphine; I've tried vicodin, some percs, ritalin, valium, and those wimpy tylenol with codiene that they give after minor surgery, ultimately I'm not a man of anything chemical in nature, LSD included.
Recently I've been unmotivated to try anything different, but it's really that I don't like my thoughts being made too intense; for this reason I don't see myself doing any type of hallucinogen for a good while, even salvia was a bit much for me and I have yet to feel really definite effects off my Brug. I just like being high, pot and booze high; I would, however, try almost anything if it was put in front of me, just no psychedelics for now, and I would never inject anything (I hate needles).
I started with a new dealer of late, and he's become a personal friend so he's always giving me fat sacks and smoking me out free; he also has access to some of the best shit around the city, not just in weed, but any drug you want he'll get the powerful stuff for street price. I knew that he sold meth, and for whatever reason got sort of fascinated with the idea of trying it one day while en route to his place. We chilled and got stoned for a bit, then somebody asked him something about meth or coke and he flashed a small bag of meth crystals for the guy to see. This seemed like an omen (or maybe just a good opportunity), so I just out and asked him if he'd let me smoke a bit to glut the appetite of my curiosity. He obliged, but had to herd us all on a good walk to the store to buy a crystal pipe; he used to mainline it but not anymore, and he had mentioned that he owned a crystal bong, but perhaps it wasn't around for whatever reason.
I was always told crystal meth is smoked in the standard hand-pipe, perhaps whomever told me that was thinking of crack, and too fucked up one or the other to think cogently. This was a very elaborate process, so much so that I let my friend operate the lighter and the pipe while instructing me in breathing all four times. We smoked a bowl (if it could really be called that) among three people including me, my friend said that he had put about fifteen dollars worth in, and I was noticing the size of the bag as I studied the remaining crystals. For a twenty bag it seemed tiny, though I'm admittedly used to the bulkiness of pot; they both had at least four rips plus my four, thus I've concluded that meth is a rather pricey habit to maintain, I'm also confused as to if powder meth is lighter or something because I can't believe that bag would have provided even one line. The crystals themselves were...definately crystals, not large ones but nontheless a proof of their purity; I didn't notice any water droplets around them, but I was under the impression that Meth Hydrochloride is the smokeable one, my friend makes this shit but he didn't know the difference between hydrochloride and sulfate, I sense an exploding home lab brooding...
I didn't feel anything until after the third rip, then I felt it everywhere in me at once. I wasn't stoned, there was no feeling of pressure in my head or anything like that which goes with pot highs; I was high though, it was a good high too, the kind that I really like. My friend insisted I take one more hit from what was left in the chamber; he told me he'd get me a really fat rip, because mine had been big, but when I exhaled I didn't have this thick billowing cloud like they were getting. His method worked, and I was puffing out a highly concentrated volume of chemical vapor for a good ten seconds or so; we were hitting it deep and slow which he said is the best way to get a good draw as you exhale immediately afterward, but we all were big potheads, so huge hits are an everyday thing to us.
The smoke itself is not at all as harsh as I imagined it would be, actually it goes down pretty easy, but leaves a foul taste in the mouth wherever it touches first like lips and front teeth, like burning tires. After the exhale of the fourth hit I was flying; I'm very familiar with the body high feeling of stimulants I guess, because my body felt the exact same way it did when I was wired on those poppers. Ultimately I found meth to be a very paradoxical drug, while I could tell that I was really keyed up and hyper, I felt really relaxed mentally; relaxed yes, but stoned no, I was very alert and had seemingly increased ability to think and concentrate, yet not racing thoughts or anything. I had lowered inhibitions to some extent, though I think it was largely due to the fact that everything felt SOO good to do that I just couldn't even care for the pleasure of living, even as I walked down this ghetto street in the late noon heat when I finally went home I was loving it; I had these rolling sensations that were extremely pleasant all throughought my body, every wave brought another burst of euphoria, and the intensity of all these beautiful sensations would follow a pattern of increasing quickly to a peak before tapering slightly, and quickly increasing again.
I felt a level of mellow euphoria that was a lot like a decent bit of Vicodin, but there was a definate feeling of energy, more all through my body than in my face; it wasn't nervous energy that wouldn't let me sit still without shaking or anything along those lines, simply a very present energy feeling, though I note that my heart rate and breathing weren't really sped up too much. My blood vessals were dilating and I could feel the raw power of my frame, flexing my muscles and just moving my body felt great. My friend said that because I primarily smoke pot that I'm likely to feel more mellow on speed than someone who doesn't, he said that such was the case with him, as he's always been a major pothead, but used to do a lot of crystal too. I never felt dizzy or anything negative, it was good in every way: alert but not racing, a sense of floatiness in the entire body but nothing uncomfortable, high but not out of it in any way, I was more lucid than I am on anything else.
When I returned home I talked A LOT with my mother, incessantly in fact, then too with my father (though we do on occasion have great discussions when no one else is around), then with my mother a little more, and eventually chased them to bed. I wasn't acting very wired, not tearing around and vaulting over furniture, but in retrospect I'm sure it was obvious I was on something. I was talking a lot more than I normally would, and I talk a good bit; I guess just the fact that I had so much to say was a red flag, my mom asked me if I was on cocaine and I denied, she was being playful but in a way that made it obvious she was suspicious.
I plugged my electric guitar in for a couple hours and played like hell. I'm not a bad player normally, everyone who hears me thinks I sound amazing, but I let them judge that and refuse to evaluate my own abilities. Few times have I felt the music the way I felt it when I played that night however, I was shredding and screaming away with pretty accurate and impressive technique to boot, I just had this incredible sense of streaming energy; it was beyond just the physical effects of a CNS stimulant, that was partly responsible for my just wanting to tear through the strings, but I was thinking fast and hard about what I was doing, I've never experienced such great mental capacity and lucidity before, on anything. The only drawback I noticed in the entire experience was with playing however, sometimes when I played really fast passages my left hand would get a more nervous energy feeling, it would tense up and start to shake slightly; obviously this reduced my accuracy and the tension would make the graceful motion that one SHOULD play with more difficult, to combat this I had to stop completely for a second and relaxe my arm completely, and resume playing concentrating more on controlling my fingers.
I've been taken in my music before, any musician knows about being musically posessed, you just suddenly are moving without knowing why and as you just let it come you realize you're channeling some force through you're hands, and it guides you to create the most amazing music for a few minutes or so, truly a beautiful elation. This however, was beyond that even; all of the above, not fleeting though like the posession that leaves you wondering whence it came, in this I was totally aware of everything I was playing and controlling every miniscule element of it, I just suddenly knew everything about how to play, like somebody made me fucking Joe Satriani or something.
It's about 4 am, approaching the 10 hour mark (we smoked at about 6:30 pm), and I still have a floaty energy feeling in my body. I've had a couple bong rips, and they make the lingering crystal high stronger, however I've lost that amazing lucidity that I had a few hours ago; I'm sure that was just the major psychological effects of the stimulant wearing off, though the physical effects I can imagine will linger for a good bit, I won't be sleeping anytime soon. The body high which is probably caused by this is great nontheless, every touch is so stimulating, I have the continual feeling that the sensations of life in my body are really pleasant, just moving and breathing make me feel euphoric and elated. Considering this I can't wait to get laid tonight, which I was wise enough to ensure earlier.
My Conclusion on this whole experience? One of the best high times I've had with a drug ever! I'm sure that if I tried it again, I could get that same feeling and just fall madly in love with it. I was prepared for something really great like that, but I will admit the intensity of it, especially when I was playing, amazed me. I do not plan on purchasing any paraphanalia relating to crystal, let alone start buying bags of it. For one thing it's obviously highly addictive physically and psychologically like most drugs in the same caliber as it, once more I know that if I developed a habit of using it to gain the incredible feelings I had then the pleasant effects would quickly deteriorate and I'd gradually become a-fucked-in-the-head tweaker, who would be instantly recognizeable due to the very outrageous symptoms of amphetamine psychosis. I thought meth would be the last drug I'd try, truthfully after what I've learned about it I'm scared shitless of it, especially after reading some of the reports about people who got really bad with this stuff. I also know that besides the very taxing effect of heavy stimulant use over a long period of time, which are potentially deadly in themselves, the action of meth on those dopamine receptors is really harsh; if they get attacked frequently they eventually deteriorate like any body part does if put under too much stress.
It is because meth is an obviously very dangerous drug that I plan on keeping my distance; I'm sure I'd try it again at some point down the road, because it really was an awesome and powerful high, but I can prevent the major possibility of habit formation if I don't make it a part of daily life. This is one drug that I value my own health too much to fuck with; my vice the herb is benign, it's very habit forming and smoking is of course not great for the lungs, but it won't eat away the brain (unlike meth). I don't love being compelled to smoke because of the irrational idea I've developed that it will make me enjoy something more; I sometimes don't feel like I have much control over my habits with pot, but always if I get rid of anything I could possibly get high with, I won't even miss it let alone feel withdrawal from it. Thus I don't really mind being a stoner, my wallet gets pissed off about it, but I know I'll grow out of it eventually when I have to be more of an adult.
I'll pass on getting hooked to anything harder than that though, especially because the elation I experienced was the effects of one of life's 'cheat codes' that made me a god of my own art for a good while; the power of a chemical like that is obviously fleeting though, in order to really achieve such mastery, a person must arrive at it through their own study, and this experience has made me even more eager to pursue my own study and get to such a level of understanding naturally. Overuse of drugs like that always fuck things up ultimately; they're a lot of fun every now and again however, and even in such non-habitual use a seriously wicked drug like meth is a treat without seriously endangering health, an occasional user isn't going to become tolerant to it and be using in high doses, which is what awards brain damage and other nasty complications.
My the motto be with you:
Have your fun and enjoy life to every extent, but don't forget about your own health either; screw that up and you won't even be able to have fun anymore, and basically, that sucks. -Nemo
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