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Snow-covered Footsteps
Cocaine
by Slh
Citation:   Slh. "Snow-covered Footsteps: An Experience with Cocaine (exp3621)". Erowid.org. Nov 4, 2000. erowid.org/exp/3621

 
DOSE:
    Cocaine (powder / crystals)

BODY WEIGHT: 123 lb


The first time I tried coke was two and 1/2 months ago. I meet a boy who I thought could love me; instead we made addiction our love and fed off of each other's destruction. Now, I might be pregnant, I have lost many close friends, and bite my fingernails until they bleed. Although I am seeing a psychologist, and sub.abuse specialist, I still do coke almost everyday (On the days I don't do coke, I am either taking E or snorting ice). I have become numb to everything, everyone. THis drug IS A DEMON. It tests one's strength and divides the weak from the strong. I am weak. No one can save me but myself, but I don't want to be saved. I want to stay high, confident, motionless forever.

Two months out of the 21 years I have been alive does not seem like a long time, but it was enough time for me to lose myself, and sight of all that mattered to me. I want to be able to cry and accept all the wrong I have done, but it is like I am spellbound by this magical potion that won't let me go. Tomarrow is another day, and I have the choice to change my life, but I know I won't. I am not sure what will make me stop, hopefully it won't be the lack of my heart beating.

Exp Year: 2000ExpID: 3621
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Nov 4, 2000Views: 7,740
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Cocaine (13) : Addiction & Habituation (10), General (1), Depression (15), Various (28)

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Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
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