Citation: Billy James. "Nitrous Oxide Revelations of God and Eternity: An Experience with Nitrous Oxide (exp36803)". Erowid.org. Jul 1, 2005. erowid.org/exp/36803
I am a dentist who frequently administers nitrous oxide analgesia to my patients for routine oral surgical procedures. I have studied the drug from a medical standpoint for many years and most of my knowledge dealt with lung function, titrating to effect, etc. I have become increasingly aware of a phenomenon with my patients when nitrous oxide is administered at seventy percent for a reasonable amount of time. Once a patient was right at the edge of not being able to understand my voice. I would tell them to take six deep breaths in through their nose and out through their mouth. After completing this many patients pupils would dilate and become fixed for a time. Upon starting to come down many would speak of God and Jesus, deceased loved ones, and a profound realization that faded as they entered back into this world. Most of the time patients are embarrassed by their actions afterward and just sit bewildered.
I decided to experience the effects for myself to see what exactly they are experiencing. I have experimented five times with the drug and the mystical nature of it is extremely intriguing. Basically, at the beginning of the experience one feels what I would call a 'beer buzz'. You are happy and may giggle or find regular things quite amusing. Next, a stage of confusion begins. If ones eyes are kept open you may hallucinate. I quite vividly saw things that could not have possibly existed. A patient being wheeled down the hall, a nurse pointing out things to a patient on an x-ray, etc. A couple of times I was included in another world. I guess these were dreams (or were they?). I would try to reach out and touch the things I was interacting with, but just then I would be plunged back into this world. I started to believe in ghosts because one time a teenage Goth looking girl was spitting on the floor and her boyfriend urinated in the hall. These images are so real it is unbelievable. It is like you are witnessing something that is going on around you all the time, but finally are able to see as the fog is lifted.
Water is a frequent experience. Patterns would turn into waves like the ocean and slowly roll by. The next stage experienced is deeper. The face and body start to numb. The world swirls with vibrant colors and patterns. Some are so recognizable, but you don't know why. You have the feeling that they are all right before your eyes, but that the more you are in this world, the less you would allow yourself to see them. The next level is ascension. This is truly a feeling of getting higher and higher. There is a strange sound that happens every time and you can only remember it for a few minutes after the experience. It soon fades when you come back to this world. I just cannot describe the sound, but it is familiar and expected, but you just don't know why. It is just cosmic. It is rhythmical and repetitive, but also includes a sound of going up. I know that does not make sense. You would just have to experience it. The last level is only achieved for brief moments. The difference in it and going back to being drunk are but a few deep breaths - maybe even one breath. It is unity, extreme euphoria, and the realization that God is real. One realizes that you are very small in the universe, but that you belong.
I couldn't help, but think that drugs must have been how man initially had religious philosophical experiences - ancient experiences that perhaps a few elite have kept hidden. Enter secret societies and the illuminati etc. I mean what the hell is all that anyway? All I know is that government does not want the masses to have these experiences. It makes you care little about their control over your lives as it puts things into perspective. This level is so extreme that you do not want to leave. All is well with the world and you feel like you are getting closer to God; perhaps ascending to be with him and worship him. Now when I say that, I do admit that I am a believer in Jesus Christ as the Messiah sent from God to help us understand Him and save us. There is no way to comprehend God. He is far too great, but at this state you are almost able to glimpse a little bit of the reality of the universe. I think that you leave your body, become dissociated from this world, and YOU JUST UNDERSTAND. There are profound realizations. Everything for a moment makes sense and time stands still literally. This is one of the strangest things about it.
Now, the reason I believe I was able to recall this so vividly, is because I was ripped back into this world very suddenly a few times. These times made the biggest impression on me. Basically, my wife caught me doing the drug and right when I was at my zenith she slapped the nasal mask off of my face. I descended through the top levels rapidly and could feel myself coming back into my awareness of this life and world. Once I got back down to the 'beer buzz' stage that lingered for about a minute. I am telling you, the difference in feeling goofy and experiencing this trip is but a few breaths. As you are slapped back into this existence the window closes and the realizations are taken from you. You hold on to them for a minute or two. I told my wife over and over, 'I have finally figured it out', only to be discouraged by my lack of being able to articulate what I realized. It keeps fading and then as you totally become worldly again you start to doubt it. You say to yourself, 'No, no. I know this is true. I know it! But it continues to become foggy.
My conclusions about this are many. First of all, many of my patients who are addicted to substances do not like this experience. Many of them freak out and become panicked. I had one girl completely lose it and told me she experienced 'burning on the inside'. People who claim to have no belief in God also are frightened by the trip. Look, I am not going to preach here, but I am just raising the question; if this is a window into something else unseen, might those ascending into heaven experience bliss and perhaps those not ascending may be experiencing something else? I don't know. Just posing the question.
Also, I have come to the conclusion that this experience mimics death. In fact, I wonder where in the hell do we go when we are under general anesthesia. Maybe the same place. Maybe the window just shuts more concretely and you cannot recall anything at all. Look at anesthesia and any type of numbing medicine or depressants as capable of simulating a small piece of letting go - death if you will. Stimulants like cocaine bring you more into this world. They heighten your worldly experiences. Nitrous oxide is other worldly. Sound crazy? Well I think that the local anesthesia that I administer every single day is fooling the mind and body into thinking that that part of the body is 'dead'. This experience is similar. The neurons firing in your brain simulate what happens when you finally let go and relinquish all. Alcohol in certain doses does this to a lesser extent. You feel loose, slightly numb. But think about if you mix alcohol with the chemicals of your body. You will have different experiences depending on your mood. Add endogenous catecholamines to your ethyl alcohol and you have a surly drunk. Same way with this. Go into it with the right mindset and relax. Let go. Don't think about this world. Forget it for just a moment.
Be careful though. Don't use a hundred percent nitrous oxide. It can be dangerous. The bottom line is that I have been profoundly affected by this drug. I am glad to have experienced it, but I also believe that this is not meant to be. This is an artificial way of reaching this higher level. My conclusion is that God fully wants us to reach this level and be with Him constantly. I don't know if he is trying to weed out the pure from the impure in the universe or what, but this life is a test that we must pass. It is important to achieve a healthy balance in life. Love truly is the most important thing we have here. We must seek to love without injuring others or bringing hurt to others. This is how we experience small pieces of heaven - holding a puppy, hugging your mother, making love to your wife, helping another person in need; these are small highs that are not as intense, but over a lifetime will pay off. I now fully understand this reality!
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