DOSE:

2.5 g

Heroin

(daily)

BODY WEIGHT:

115 lb

I have always had an addictive personality. I started drinking and smoking pot when I was 11. Then I moved to coke, then acid, extacy, special K, then crack, then oxy's, then heroin. I never liked speed.

I grew up in a small town in the Ozarks. I was raped in seventh grade. I was wasted and woke up to my coke dealer ontop of me. I never pressed charges, although I did go to the hospital. That's when my parents decided they were shipping me to Atlanta to live with my uncle.

It was a big change for me. When I was a freshman, I got into the acid, X, and K. I got to where I wouldn't go to school without trippin. I wanted to get to the highest state of spiritual enlightenment as possible. I would sit by myself and study everything. I have read alot of Terrence McKenna, Ken Keasy, Timothy Leary, etc. I wanted to 'know all.' I'm definately not stupid, I just make stupid decisions.

I met my fiance, Chris, when I was 16 in a bar. He was 21. I was husslin this guy in pool. I have always looked older and had a fake ID. I'll be 21 in a few months. He went to jail for eight months after we were together for five months. I moved out with him as soon as he got out. We started smoking crack. Sometimes we would spend a thousand dollars a day on the two of us. Needless to say we were selling alot of drugs. I would fien so bad when we ran out, I would get the shakes and make him go out with me to get another hundred peice. Alot of times we would just ride around, so when we ran out, we would already be close to our destination and on our way. I hated coppin in the hood. It was too dangerous. We hooked up with this one guy who would break us off fat!

When we decided to quit smoking crack, we started drinking and taking pills like it was going out of style again. We would have a $70 minimum bar tab between the two of us. Plus, we were taking God only knows how many Xanax and Valium. It made us really mean. People didn't understand how we were together because we were constantly into it with each other.

One of our friends started selling Oxycontins. Everyone and their grandmothers are on either heroin, oxy's, or Methadone in Atlanta. We loved it! Especially me! I found my nectar. All of my friends would always tell me to just go get dope because it was cheaper and better. You could buy an 80mg Oxi for $30-$40, or go get a $20 bag of boy and ALOT higher. I was so anti heroin and needles I said FUCK NO!

Eventually all of my friend were shooting dope. I started to get where I wasn't getting as high anymore. All of them were faded as fuck. That's how I wanted to be. I started snorting heroin. I loved it even more! One of my friends came to live with us. He was addicted to the shit, and didn't have a liscense or a car. I started taking him to get it every day and have been doing it every day since. I was selling cars, and ended up losing my job. The same day, Chris and I got into it and he went to live with his parents for a while. Meanwhile, I had to take my friend to get his fix. I told him I was thinking about shooting dope instead of snorting it. I was pissed off and depressed and I wanted to get as high as he did. He said he would hit me. I have always been deathly afraid of needles, but I let him. I was hooked from the first shot.

A couple days later, Chris and I made up and he moved back in. He didn't know I was shooting it. Eventually he caught on when I would come home already high and would never do any around him. I am very good at hiding things if I need to, but this was obvious. He checked my arms one night. I confessed. He was pissed. He said if I was going to shoot it, then so was he. I wouldn't stop.

We ended up kicking that kid out, so we had to cop in the hood instead of going straight to a dealer. It didn't take long before we found the best and fattest sacks. I was at work one day and Chris had my car. He was supposed to pick me up. He hadn't been answering his phone all night. I knew something was wrong. I left early and had a guy from work take me home immediately. We lived on the second floor of the apartments. The door was locked, and he had my keys. We always kept the balcony door open when we were smoking. He wasn't answering the door. I could see him lying on the couch, and I could hear him wheezing. My friend climbed the balcony and opened the door for me. I'll never forget the way he looked. He was stiff and blue. He had foam stuck to his neck where he had already seizured. I ran over to him screaming his name and crying. I told my friend to call 911. They took him to the hospital and he barely made it. It was a miracle that he did. Apparently he was lying there all day. I rode in the ambulance with him and stayed by his side the whole time. I have never felt such pain in my life. I thought I was going to lose the love of my life.

Three weeks later I was at work at my knew job at the club, dancing to support my habit, and I just had a feeling something was wrong. He wasn't answering his phone. I called back one more time and immediately freaked out. He had my car, so I called a friend to go over and check on him. It was the same situation. He had to climb the balcony. I heard 'Oh my God!' I started crying and told him to call 911, I was on my way! I took a cab all the way across town. All he could hear was muffled voices and a high pitched ring. He couldn't answer the nurses questions, but he could understand me, just because we know each other so well. I stood beside him and held his hand. They had an air filled heat blanket on him. I slept with my head next to him. they put him in a detox center this time since this was the second time he went to that hospital in 3 weeks.

When he got out a week later, I told him if he got back on the shit, I would leave him. We weren't really physically addicted yet. I quit for his sake. A few days later he came home with needle marks on his arms. At first he said he was just shooting coke (another one of our favorites). It really hurt me. I made him move out, even though it killed me. I had to do something, because he wasn't going to get lucky again.

Some time past and we got back together. We started back on the shit. I made alot of money dancing and he did hustling. We ended up going on tour with The Dead. We would go from city to city and visit their ghettos. I called it dope tour. We went back to Atlanta to quit. We just got worse. When we moved to someplace cheaper, quit hustling because we were so junked out people wouldn't work with us, pawned all of our shit, and lost our place, we decided to kick.

One of our friends helped us. She took our keys and locked in a hotel room with her. She had just kicked in jail a few months earlier and was a speed freak now. I was puking every second. My body was flopping like a fish. We were doing about a gram a piece a day. Chris has never gotten very sick. A week later, I was starting to finally get a little energy. I started smoking and eating speed with her. I never liked that shit. I'm a tweeker peeker and I always think the cops are coming or watching and everything is bugged.

We did good for a month. We started back just splitting a $30 bag now. We said we wouldn't up our dose, but of course, we did. We ended up pretty bad off for two more years. We ended up breaking into coke machines and asking people on the street for money. I thought I was a good con. People gave me $10, $20, $100. We ended up getting locked up in north Georgia. We had broke into all of the machines around here, so we were traveling to do it now. I had to detox in jail. They didn't give me any medicine. I got out a couple weeks later and got locked back up 6 days later in the hood. I ran and ate the dope. They tackled me and took me to the hospital to pump my stomach. I signed a paper saying if I died, they were not responsible, but they were not pumping my stomach. I got 2 disorderly contacts and was released with a hold in another county in north Georgia! The kid that rode with us up there narced us out for hitting some machines in another county. Chris was locked up with me. He got out the first day after he was transported. I stayed there a month.

When I got out he had a shot waiting on me. We were spending $300-$500 a day eventually this time. I got an absess on my muscle on my shoulder from taking a muscle shot one day when my veins were not working, and I was jerking, puking, and hallucinating. I had to go get it cut out. A couple weeks later I was having really bad chest pains and I had to go back to the hospital. I was supposed to go to court that morning. They issued a bench warrant even though I faxed my papers.

I was picked up at work at the club. I had to detox in jail again. Dekalb County put me in the infirmary and gave me 2 Darvocets, 3 times a day and checked my vital signs 5 times a day. I was transfered back up north again a week later. Another week later I was charged with Cospiricy to distribute heroin and marijuana across guardlines for a package they found a couple of months before that was dropped off when Chris was locked up. They didn't have enough evidence to charge me until it happened again. They cought Chris redhanded dropping a package off, and charged me again. The jail was so small that the men's cells were next to the womens. There were usually 8-10 women in the entire jail. The building was condemmed for 9 years, so they moved us to a new jail. The men and womens cell blocks were connected with a door, so we could talk to them.

They dropped my charges from conspiricy to distribute across guardlines, to bringing controlled substances across guardlines. I thought for sure I was going to prison, so did everyone in there, including the guards and the captain. The captain of the drug task force fought for me to go. They offered me a plea of 10 years probation with intense and a bunch of stipulations and fines. I spent three months. I just got out yesterday and Chris is still locked up. He is on intense probation for mushrooms. That's what he got locked up for when we first got together, but he violated. That's why he's on intense. Part of my probation's special conditions says I can have no assotiation with Chris. I'm hoping and praying that I can get that dropped.

I am really going to stay clean this time. I have more will power than ever before. I wanted to kick for a long time, I just didn't know how to stay clean. I didn't want to resort to Methadone, but I was about to because I didn't know what else to do. I miss my life and my love so much that it hurts more than anything else ever! We'll see what happens. Wish me luck.

Exp Year: 2004	ExpID: 37038
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 20
Published: Mar 11, 2006	Views: 121,951
[ View PDF (to print) ] [ View LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Swap Dark/Light ]
Heroin (27) : Various (28), Hangover / Days After (46), Depression (15), Overdose (29), Addiction & Habituation (10), Train Wrecks & Trip Disasters (7), Health Problems (27), Bad Trips (6), Difficult Experiences (5), Retrospective / Summary (11)