Citation: The Bear. "Transendent and Yet Embodied: An Experience with LSD (exp37090)". Erowid.org. Jan 24, 2008. erowid.org/exp/37090
||(blotter / tab)
I am a 26 year old caucasian male. I grew up in an upper-middle class family in Tennessee. I took LSD when I had just turned 19 and was a senior in high school. I think about my life before that trip as my 'automaton days.' The three tabs of paper that I took that night awakened me to God Consciousness, The Glory, The Thundering Silence, The Clear Light of The Void, The Absolute. Since that night I have been seeking for this Truth, or reflections of it, in every earthly discipline, including art, literature, poetry, psychology, anthropology, philosophy, mysticism and spirituality. The experience initiated into those seekers, those treaders of The Path, who seek meaning in the human form as in the Ground of Being, That Eternal Space which is beyond this corporeal life. Not a day goes by that I do not express deep gratitude for this Gift. It has enriched and inspired my life beyond measure.
I had only tripped two times previously, and I had had one mediocre experience and one horrendous one. I don't know what exactly prompted me to trip again, other than a feeling that there was more to experience. Also, the conditions were ideal. As I mentioned, I took three 'hits' or tabs of blotter paper at around 1 am. I was in my house and my parents were asleep. My three friends, 2 guys and a girl, took the same dosage that I did and a fourth friend decided to stay sober and just hang out with us.
It started to kick in about an hour later, as we all sat comfortably on the carpet in my living room, playing with some peacock feathers and a magnifying glass, which just fortunately happened to be in the room. We enjoyed the visual effects as well as the tactile sensations, which seemed to be magnified 100 fold. We went outside. Although it was probably only 3 am, I could already sense the position of the sun in relation to the earth and anticipated the 'sunrise' with great joy. In fact, the whole experience could be described as anticipatory, yet without any end resolution. That is, the colors of the world kept getting brighter and fuller, and my bliss kept rising to more and more ecstatic levels. I had the sense, 'So, this is what life is all about.' There were levels upon levels of meaning and revelation that I will not describe here, out of respect for the essentially ineffable nature of the experience of Pure Being.
At one point I had the distinct sense that I had entered a more primal stage of my soul's evolution. I was walking hunched over and scratching my belly just above the navel, as primates are often seen doing. There was a pleasant, ticklish sensation there, that I felt I had to touch with my hand. I realized that this place was where the soul resides, or at least where it is most specifically concentrated. I felt good and right and happy and free in this primal state. I was acutely aware of my surroundings - every touch, smell, sight. The flowers in the garden by the carport were exploding with Brilliant Inner Light. The grass was covered in the most precious, shining diamonds I had ever seen. I was aware that this perception could also be scientifically reduced to the effect of the sunlight reflecting off the blades of grass, but I was not interested in explanations. I was seeing the world afresh, as if I had just opened my eyes for the first time. I was seeing the Universe just as It is, in Its 'suchness.' And it was Glorious.
I mentioned my bodily sensations were enhanced greatly. I felt such indescribable joy and yet I felt more at home in my body than ever before. How could this be? I had been living in this vessel for 19 years and had never felt this right. Everything was as it should be, both inside and out. And yet, this distinction was meaningless. Every distinction was meaningless. There was no more sense of being myself as distinct and separate from others. My friends and I were obviously One Being. As such, all concerns with boundaries dissolved. My friend and I were suddenly kissing each other and it felt wonderful. The closer we became, the better, generally. We drew flower petals on each others' cheeks. This soul-vessel was here to be decorated! Why not?! We put on the most colorful clothes we could find. We wanted to express this joy. Why not?!
We beheld the intricate designs in the bark of an oak tree, bewildered by the Design. We spoke to each other without words. We Knew what each other was thinking. Words/concepts/symbols and even metaphors fail to capture this experience, but, hey, I tried. Then we put on Ray Lynch's 'Deep Breakfast.' This was the perfect deepener. I believe that those exquisite minutes, hours?, years?, were the happiest moments of my life. But 'happy' does not do it justice. No words do. So I will just keep to the phenomenological description. Tears were streaming down my face and my friends faces. Our eyes were shining with the Light of Soul. There was nothing that could be said that would have accurately expressed the depth and richness of the experience. I remember feeling Gratitude. I remember feeling Love. I remember feeling Peace Beyond All Understanding.
The following night, my trip companions and I met in a cafe. We were still embued with the Energy from the experience. We felt a deep bond between us: we had become brothers and sisters. Since that day, I have had other transcendent (as well as embodied) experiences using LSD, mushrooms, ecstasy, meditation, holotropic breathwork!!!, chanting, drumming, dancing and sex. I will always be a professional psychonaut (Jonathan Ott's term).
My holotropic breathwork session that I recently participated in was incredible: I accessed a place in where I felt completely comfortable and at home in my body and yet energetically expansive and expressive. I realized that this Precious Sanctum is always there and must be respected. Because of this Inner Divinity, we must be kind to ourselves and forgive ourselves for not being who we want (idealize) ourselves to be. We are all beautiful, vulnerable, magnificient Beings. It is of great importance, cosmically, karmically and energetically that we love ourselves, in spite of all our perceived flaws. I think that everyone knows this instinctively, and yet we get distracted from this vision by the media and work and school expectations and, especially, religious ethics. We must trust in our Original Perfection.
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