End it on a Good Note
by Jiz
Citation:   Jiz. "End it on a Good Note: An Experience with Cocaine (exp37611)". Erowid.org. Feb 29, 2008. erowid.org/exp/37611

1 repeated insufflated Cocaine (powder / crystals)
My coke use began at the beginning of college. It started off with my friend and I splitting the cost of an 8 ball with several other people. I have always been the experimental type, believing that substances are just another way to experience life, and as such I had no apprehension of doing it. We took our share of what we had bought back home with us and spent the night snortin and just having fun. I loved the feeling of just being so unbelievably clear headed, and I felt like everything would be okay.

I was happy and chatty and completely numb. That being said, I hated coming down. After it was all gone I feel like the smallest most feeble human being alive. I went into this entire experience with the thinking, okay, I am only going to do it once, and after the come down i was almost content with that being the last time. But of course that wasn't close to the last time.

Over the course of the next few months my friend and I had snorted enough coke to make George Jung look like newby. Eventually it got to the point where we would buy nearly a quarter ounce of coke every weekend, and snort it all in that weekend. We would always buy it with the thought that we could sell some of it off to our friends and make some of our money back. That never happened though. We eventually hit a spot where neither of us could afford it anymore. My friend was fucked over by his bank, and a large portion of my college money was being threatened to get taken away.

We decided right then and there that we were going to stop doing coke, that it if we continued we would be spending money that we didn't have, and we agreed never to do that. We decided to stop... After one last 8 ball. Our guy told us that he got some unbelievably pure coke. We could not resist that last time. So we bought the 8 ball and went to a friends house to have some fun. We broke it all up and made a bunch of rails. We machined gunned about 6 rails a piece to start with, and it was one of the greatest experiences I have ever had.

Over the course of the preceding two hours we finished off the entire 8 ball (about 1.75 g a piece) and I was so happy. Atleast for that instant. I had taken more than I had ever done (I would recommend to no one in taking that amount), and I felt more than adequetly spun. We all played hacky sack for quite a long while and just enjoyed the experience. At the peak of the whole thing I was so numb that I could function and move my body parts but it just felt like they were working on their own. When I started to feel like I was coming down, it sucked, however, the odd thing was I didn't want any more coke.

Instead me and my friend smoked two joints and a couple of bowls. Most I have encountered have always said don't mix weed and coke, but when after that experience I would use it whenever I am coming down. The entire bad experience of coming down was completely alleviated by the weed. Instead my body felt like it was completely stoned, yet my mind kept its absolute sense of clarity thanks to the blow. I never felt the unpleasantness caused by the normal drop in dopamine levels and the next morning I felt completely normal (Though I should note that I have never experienced any ill effects the following day after snortin cocaine).

During the whole experience I became content with the idea that I could very well never coke again, and I was fine with that. I convinced myself that if there was a perfect end, that this was it, and I didn't have to do it anymore if I didn't want to. However, my goal with the whole thing wasn't to never to do coke again. I have done it once since then, but that was because it was free, and who can turn down any free drug? I guess what I really wanted was closure in the form of the perfect high. I wanted to end the habit of spending money on the stuff every weekend, to that end I have been very successful, and I didn't want to become an addict.

Despite how much coke I had at one point, I never considered myself an addict. It was one of my biggest fears to be addicted to something, and that last final time capped everything off and ended everything on such the perfect note. I have no doubt in my mind that I could have stopped by just will power, I could have, but if it wasn't for the closure that I got from that last experience, I would still have the want for blow.

Exp Year: 2004ExpID: 37611
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Feb 29, 2008Views: 8,619
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Cocaine (13) : Addiction & Habituation (10), Glowing Experiences (4), Retrospective / Summary (11), Alone (16)

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