DOSE:

repeated

Amphetamines

BODY WEIGHT:

130 lb

The first time I did addys (adderall) was back in the summer of 04. I was a summer freshman in college, which was going alright. I tend to be more of a shy guy, and I have very little motivation. Anyway, I'd blew other perscription pills, smoked more than my fair share of weed, and occasionally tried shrooms. Aside from that I haven't done any other drugs, and I don't foresee myself trying any new ones soon. So I had heard of addys before, my one friend had been into them on and off for a few months, and he seemed to be enjoying himself.

So one of the new kids I met at college was a well rounded drugie, and I figured he'd have some or at least know someone who would. Luckily for me, he had 3 20mg extended release Adderall, the kind with the orange capsule and annoying balls that I have to crush up. So I got them from him. I knew I had a test the next day, so I got to sleep early, woke up around 8, blew one and started to study. At first nothing seemed too different. However after about 15 minutes or so, I noticed that I would stare off into space and not realize it. Long story short, I was able to study for the exam, got a B (I believe) on it, and was happy. I had trouble sleeping that night but I figured that'd happen and eventually I passed out. When I woke up I felt kinda sick. I figured it was cause I hadn't eaten anything since the day before my exam. So I grabbed one of my roommates bagels, and just started to eat a small piece here or there. After about 2 minutes I puked up a bit of bile. That was the only bad thing that had ever happened to me on addys.

To bring this to the present, its now late November in 04, and I'm still up to my old tricks. I recently became rather bored with weed, and it started to make me depressed. I would think about upsetting things, be extremely lazy, and simply not care about anything. However to undo this, I learned if I blew an addy when I woke up, I could smoke some trees throughout the day, and still have motivation. Not only that, but I lost my shy-guyness and would talk to almost anyone who looked interesting. That's not to say that I would come up to them and blabber my head off, but someone who I'd be in an elevator with I might strike up a 5 minute conversation with. Once I realized how much this benefited me, I began to buy them more regularly.

Yesterday I had an exam in my biology class, and seeing as how I hadn't gone since the last test, I figured I might as well throw in 10 bux and get 4 20mg addys. I hadn't gone to class because school is bullshit, not because I was messed up on something or just that apathetic. So I talked to my friend, she knew the kid with addys, after a little walking around campus I ended up back at my basement apartment. I gloated a little, even though I was the only one who blew addys in the house. Anyway I knew if I took one then, I wouldn't go to sleep that night and that wouldn't help my pre-test studying. So I went to sleep around 2am, very early for me. I'm usually awake from about 8pm to 12 the next day. But I slept so easily because I hadn't slept much the past few days as I work night shift, so my time schedule is horribly off.

I woke up at about 4am, coughed up some nice loogies and had a cigarette. I hoped I could fall back asleep, but I knew I couldn't. So around 8 in the morning I blew my first addy. I noticed a little change, not much, but seeing as how I started to do them maybe 3 or 4 times a week at about 40-60mg each day that I did it, I understood why. I chatted online with my one friend who is also a night owl until maybe 10-10:30 in the morning. I would study on and off during that time. At 10:30 I noticed my concentration began to wear off a little. I was not sleepy or ready to sleep at all, just couldn't pay as good of attention as I wanted to, so I got another pill and blew that. That kept me pretty well until maybe 1pm. I blew another pill, went back to studying (very hardcore now, my exam was at 4pm and I had only gotten through about 1/3 of what I wanted to know). Between 1pm and 3pm I was able to study and remember what took the rest of the class about 3 weeks to do. At 3:30 I blew my last addy, and walked off to class, fairly confident of myself.

I got into the mass lecture room, sat in the back as I usually do, and played with my dreads until the professor came in and began to hand out the tests. I took my time, although I know I could have gone much faster if I really wanted to, but I wanted to ensure myself a decent grade, if not and my mom found out, I'd never hear the end of it. When I went to hand in the test, as soon as I stood up everything got a little off balance. I would compare it to being mildly lightheaded for about 5 minutes. This confused me at first, but I realized it was due to the fact that I hadn't eaten in a few days. I went back to my apartment, shitted around for a while, and here I am now writing this.

My actual experiences were very benificial to me I believe. (1) I had energy and motivation to do things I normally wouldnt give a shit about. I could study, draw, or play with my dreads for a few hours and not even realize it had been that long. (2) it got rid of my shyness, which I was very thankful for because I hate how I'm always like that. The only drawback to that was sometimes I'd lose track of myself and talk too fast for someone to understand me, or I'd keep talking even after they were done listening. No biggie, just a bump in the road. (3) my comfort level became incredible. No matter where I sat or how I sat, I was instantly comfortable and wondering 'how come I never sat like this before...'. (4) I have self esteem issues along with very low self confidence. Addys let me feel proud of myself and what I had done, even if I hadn't done much. it was just like a sense of being at peace. I could rationally think through any problems I had, and come to a conclusion with very little time wasted. (5) weight loss. These do pretty well for that. Even though I'm a 5'9 130lb male, I still didn't like how I looked. I had been anorexic before, but that messed me up a lot cause everyime I looked at any food, I just wouldn't dare let myself eat. Addy's do that for me, without having to tell myself 'No, you can't eat today, you ate already.' This can be good or bad depending on how you look at it. I just think of it as a help along the way of losing weight. I still eat semi regularly when I'm not on them.

The bad side of my experiences are very minimal. (1) my heart often began to beat a little faster than normal. if I had to walk to class or wherever, I noticed it would feel like I had just sprinted 50 yards (this could be due to the addys, or my smoking habit of a pack and a half a day. I'm really not sure which). (2) sleeplessness.. sure it was fun the first few times, but once I started to do it a bit more regularly instead of smoking weed, I would tend to get annoyed at the fact that it'd be 930am, and I hadn't eaten or slept in the past day or so. (3) I can see how it can become an addiction. I wouldn't say it is like coke or real meth (from what I've read or heard), because apparently after one line of coke all you want is another. Addys aren't like that in the same sense. meaning, I would notice when I began to come down a little, I'd want another just so I wouldn't come down, but I never HAD to have another.. I just wanted another. (4) my sleeping schedule is fucked.. that could be due to me working night shift as well, but the addys don't help. Also I noticed that I would do tasks until I physically hurt. such as drawing, my fingers would be red, raw, covered in graphite, but I didn't care, I accomplished something and I was proud. (5) I grew a tolerance semi quickly to addys. first time, 20mg was more than enough to keep me goin for about 14 hours. Now I need 80mg to do the same thing. And last but not least, when I'm on addys I smoke cigs like a fiend, but I won't complain, that's my own problem to take care of.

All in all, I would say addys have helped me very much through this semester. I became more social, less depressed, except late night/early morning when I'm coming down and no one else is awake. I tend to get a little sad then but it's nothing thats bothered me more than my usual depression). Also my grades are fantastic considering the amount of work I do. I have a 3.0ish average this semester, and I've only gone to class when there was a test. I've been condemplating going to the doctor and explaining how I cant stay motivated or focused for too long, just to get my own perscription. I wouldn't blow all of it in a week, in fact if I can get that, I plan to just blow one a day when I first wake up. It gives a boost of energy, and I can focus on all my classes much more.

Exp Year: 2004	ExpID: 38388
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Feb 27, 2008	Views: 5,868
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Amphetamines (6) : Retrospective / Summary (11), Not Applicable (38)