Citation: poisoned candy. "The Cosmic Self Gets A Massage: An Experience with LSD & DXM (exp38411)". Erowid.org. Jan 23, 2018. erowid.org/exp/38411
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A beautiful hippy/backpacker beach in Thailand, a session of traditional yoga massage, and some very good drugs combined to form an astounding mystical experience on the island of Ko Chang.
I arrived at Treehouse Bungalows on Sunday morning, and instantly I fell in love with the place. A large thatched bamboo hut formed the restaurant, overlooking the sea, with dread-locked and tattoed travellers lounging around, reading, or lying in hammocks. A collection of small bungalows available for less than $4 per night. A beautiful white sand beach, with clear turqoise waters lapping against the shore. This was one of those places that I never want to leave.
On my first day at the Treehouse, I decided to try a combination of LSD and DXM, which I'd never done before. The acid was a microdot I'd bought a month earlier from some Japanese hippies, and it was good (I'd tried one before), definitely enough to get pretty decent visuals. On top of the microdot, I planned to do 300mg of DXM (enough to give me a strong 2nd plateau trip on its own), and some very good cannabis. The setting was marvelous, yet somewhat risky; I was alone, so I'd have to take care of myself.
I took the acid around 3:30PM, and ordered a chai tea shake in the restaurant while waiting for it to kick in. Perhaps 30 minutes later I noticed a gradually increasing body buzz, a feeling of 'energy', which is when I took the DXM. Colors were enhanced, but still no significant mental effects.
A short while later, I went back to my bungalow, smoked a couple of bowls, then returned to the restaurant. On my way to the restaurant, I noticed a couple of Thai women offering traditional massage on mats overlooking the sea. I'd never had a massage before, but the idea of having one on drugs seemed tempting, to say the least.
By now the effects of the drugs were quite strong. I lost perception of my body, and, while returning to the restaurant, began walking in a robot-like fashion. Meanwhile, my head felt like it had expanded to three times its normal size, with a distinct feeling of pressure inside my head, as if it were a balloon filled with helium to the point of bursting.
I lay down in a hammock in the restaurant. My mind became clear and open, and all my internal dialogue, or 'mental chatter', ceased. Simultaneously, any thought which did form in my head was distinct and observable. I could watch my thoughts, as if each one were an electric charge spontaneously moving between two points in my enormous, gas-filled balloon of a head.
I could actually feel my heart beating, yet since I couldn't feel my chest, it seemed to be beating in the midst of nothing, suspended in mid-air. I spent several minutes just feeling the sensation of my heart beating, with a sense of awe.
I could see open-eye visuals at will, such as branches of a tree moving and taking on the shapes of animals, but the visuals seemed neither important nor amazing, so I ignored them, and started surveying the scene unfolding around me in the restaurant.
And what a scene it was! I felt as if I had divine powers of observation. All around me, different conversations were taking place at the various tables of the restaurant. I could 'tune in' to any one conversation at will, and hear all the words (and feel the emotional weight behind the words) distinctly, as if the words were being spoken to me - even if in fact the conversation was taking place at the other end of the restaurant.
Gradually, as the effects grew stronger, worry began to form in my mind, and I wondered what I could find to occupy my time for the remaining hours of the trip. I remembered the possibility of having a Thai massage, and as crazy of an idea it seems being in the state I was in, I thought with a smile, why not?
I robo-walked over to the women offering the massage and pointed to the sign advertising it (she didn't speak english). I lay down on the mat, and suddenly hands began crawling over me. I had lost contact with my body from the DXM, but whatever part of me was being massaged, that part became the totality of my existence. When my shoulders were being massaged, the only part of me that existed was my shoulders. In turn, I became arms, legs, buttocks, ankles, and so on. Even stranger, it seemed as if each body part that was being massaged was comprised of hundreds of life forms, as if my consciousness had expanded to the cellular level of awareness.
Soon it became apparent that this was no ordinary, western-style massage. Thai traditional massage is considered a form of healing and religious practice; indeed, 'applied yoga' is a better term than massage. After the regular kneading of muscle, the masseuse began manipulating me into yoga-like postures and stretches. And of course, yoga is itself meant to induce altered states of consciousness, the goal being the realization that one is in fact a manifestation of Brahman, God, or the eternal Self.
The combination of drugs and yoga induced a mystical experience of enormous power. I was not thinking it, I was experiencing it. The three bodies of thought which shaped my experience were Brahamanism, which regards all forms as being of the same, godly essence; Buddhism, which insists that there is no Self, and quantum mechanics. In the midst of my mystical state, all three bodies of knowledge converged to a single point, in a manner which I will attempt to convey as best as words will allow.
I ceased to become my ego. My ego (the person I thought I was, that I identified with) was a mask that I'd been wearing for so long, I forget it was actually a mask, and believed it was actually who I was. Instead, I became the source from which all things emanate. I discovered my true Self, the self that Brahamnaism refers to, yet this Self had no relationship to anything my ego was or had experienced, other than the fact that my ego is just one form that the Self can take on (as are all people, animals, plants, and inanimate objects). The Self that is not-self (annata).
This Self, this core, was not a God, for a God would just be another manifestation of it. Instead, the Self was quite like a single fundamental unit of matter. In the midst of the mystical state I was in, this was a conviction stronger than any beleif I have ever held. The eternal Self was nothing more than a particle, which due to quantum uncertainly, spontaneously spawns virtual particles, which in turn can combine to create an infinite variety of forms. Of course, the probability of such a random configuration becoming a form of life is minuscule, but then again, we can only be aware of it once its happened!
During the height of my mystical experience, I was only faintly aware of my limbs moving in according with the masseuses instructions (another women had joined in, so there were now two massaging and stretching me). Time seemed to be eternal, and I felt as if the yoga-massage would continue until I had attained full enlightenment, and hence would have fully transcended this world!
Of course that did not happen, and eventually the masseuses tried to indicate to me that it was time to pay and leave! I was jolted back to my ego long enough to pay my bill, and somehow (miraculously) stumbled back to my bungalow and lay down in bed. The peak of the experience had passed, but I was still tripping hard.
As I lay down in bed and felt my ego slip away, I felt anxiety for the first time. It was a familiar anxiety that I often experience while tripping, especially in the moment of ego-loss. I suddenly remember all of my commitments and unfinished work, and feel that if I loose my ego, everything will result in failure. This only lasted for a moment, and I had the sensation of facing and finally defeating this anxiety.
The next few hours I lay in bed, experiencing tastes of the same mystical state I had experienced while being massaged, except of a lesser degree. As the drug effects began fading away, I experienced some valuable insights regarding myself (on the level of the ego) and some of my friends. When I was finally able to sit up in bed and get my bearings, I began experiencing incredible swirling visuals, though these only lasted a few moments. My watch read 10:30 (seven hours after the LSD ingestion) and I felt sober enough to grab some dinner.
In conclusion, I found LSD and DXM to be an incredible combination! While I doubt that every (or even most) of my future experiences with this combo will result in a mystical experience, I believe it holds much potential. LSD by itself causes a transcending of the ego, though (at usual doses) attachment to the physical body remains intact. DXM, on the other hand, causes a transcending of the physical body, though the ego remains intact. The combination, therefore, allows for the transcending of the ego and body simultaneously, which can result in some breathtaking (and potentially terrifying) experiences.
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