Citation: Fractaliam. "Optimism for the Future: An Experience with MDMA (Ecstasy) & Cannabis (exp38453)". Erowid.org. Feb 7, 2005. erowid.org/exp/38453
| T+ 0:45
Im not really sure how to start this, but I will give it my best shot...
I graduated high school in may of this year, and I decided to 'go all out' this past summer, seeing as it was my last summer before college, and had some wonderful memories. I feel I am reasonably well educated, however my intelligence comes with great labor. I am now in a local college from which im going to transfer to a college in California, and I plan to get a masters, and maybe even a phd in Pharmacology. I have been heavily interested in psychedelics since the first puff of marijuana I tasted at 13. I had always felt like there was something else, deeper in the mind that could only be activated at a certain time of life, or under a certain chemical. Up until that moment, I thought all drugs did the same thing (and by drugs I mean 'dope' which basically all drugs fell under). They got you drunk; thats all I needed to know. You can immagine my surprise when marijuana gave me its first effects!!
But, as I'm sure many of you would like to bypass the chronicals of my life and my experience with mind altering substances, I will end that section with this: For the next two years, I read everything I could, educating myself about a facet of knowledge once unknown. I have read about basically every substance, its dosage and its effects etc., not so much so I could be a 'pro', but because all of this information was amazing to me. I began reading Shulgin's works and was just as amazed. I have thought to myself everything I possibly could about these substances. From 2c-e to DOM; GHB to AMT; though for most of them, I am yet to experience. (It's more of a trip to find out about all these substances that one may never have known about, than to take the substance itself!) Time is on my side I suppose, but in the meantime I have dabbled with DXM, cannabis, a few prescription drugs (never got to into that luckily), as well as LSA, salvia, and nitrous.
SO ANYWAY, I have enjoyed going to a local mall for quite sometime on fridays. It's always nice to see friends, as well as after a while, I can find many of the (mainstream) drugs that I please. Summer was rolling around, the days were getting longer and the crowds at the mall were getting larger. However, after a while, the marijuana feeling that I held so dearly, became a common occurence on fridays, and nearly every friday I was starting to smoke, and buy for later in the week. It was becoming so common and bland, I lost sight of my reasons for smoking in the first place, but none the less it continued until august. So I got to the mall, looking for the normal group of friends I'm with, and maybe a little bud. A friend of a friend asked if I wanted to buy a 20 bag for 15, saying that he wanted to buy e so he needed to sell it. I was more than happy to buy it, and I decided to ask him to help me get some Ecstasy as well. I had never taken it before that day, and was a bit enthusiastic about it. So I bought the bag, met his friend J who had some pills, both D (the kid who sold me the bag, and has since become a friend of mine) and myself bought a pill each.
About 15 mins later I swallowed the pill with a bit of water, and took a last look around me. 'My god', I said to myself 'There are alot of people outside the mall tonight!'.
T: 0.0 Swallowed the pill
After swallowing the pill, which was a redish/orange superman pill (which had a very bitter taste), I walked around a bit, talked to some people, and met a kid and his two buddies who were looking for grass. I said 'what the hell', and we walked across the street into a grass sump, rolled a joint and smoked it. I think at this point I got my first alert without even realizing it, because the bag of bud was uncloseable, I told a kid smoking with me to hold it. Maybe it was malicious, maybe he forgot but in any case, I forgot to ask for the bag back and he walked off with it.
T: +0.45 Smoked a joint
As I arrived back to the mall, something was different. I had a mild weed-buzz but it seemed so 'right'. Within 5 minutes, an incredible sensation of rushing hit me like a freight train, and after a few moments of anxiousness this magical pill began its effects!
T: +0.50 AND SO IT BEGINS
Over the next two hours, I felt at home with everyone I talked to, and told a very serious entire life story to two complete random strangers (who might I add, were very friendly and listened). I trusted those around me, and after venting an entire life-time story, to a new found friend, some critical issues that had been plaguing me for sometime, were resolved in my mind. It wasn't a feeling of 'I don't care about my problems' like you might get from opiates or grass, but it was more of 'my problems are manageable, and I will be able to work through them.' It was the most amazing optomistic outlook I had ever had. The normal guards that stop you from saying things to people you know, were completely blown away. I bonded heavily with friends I have known for a while, and made new ones along the way. Words fail to express how connected I felt with those around me; how wonderful it felt to be alive; how majestic the green grass was, and how awe-inspiring the green trees were. (though maybe I just expressed it right there, heh..)
T: +2.0 Rolling very nicely!
After a few more hours, I went home, and I began to think about the things that have troubled me for many years. I was able to let go of a very painful relationship I had been involved in, as well as let go of my woes and fears of moving on to college. Those fears were replaced with something very alien to me: an optimism for the future. I looked forward to my first day in college, and I couldn't wait until my first kiss of actual love; but the funny thing was the waiting feel was fine, it almost made it better (think of marinating a steak over night, the longer it sits the better it is). I can say, without any conviction, that that pill of ecstasy along with a some wonderful music by The Orb (little fluffy clouds anyone?) left me with a wonderful outlook that I still maintain.
I wasn't able to sleep much at all that night, and actually wound up waking up at 4 am to watch the olympics in my living room. Never had I been so impressed with the athletic abilities of my fellow man. Like a little kid on a saturday morning, I woke my mom up at 7 AM (T +13 hrs after dropping) and treated her to breakfast. My appetite wasn't much there but, what I did eat tasted especially good! Remember the optimistic outlook I told you about? It remained all the next morning, and though not as forcefully strong, is still there today, 4 months after taking that amazing tablet. I won't delve too much into my personal life, but after that night, alot of things changed in my life. I worked (and still am) on developing a better relationship between my mom and me, I put my cannabis habit aside indefinitely, began working out more, and COMPLETELY CHANGED the lazy habits I had picked up from pot. (if I haven't already mentioned, though I've used other substances, and enjoyed them immensely, cannabis was the only thing I used overly frequently). I now make time to clean my room, I watch a bit less TV, I do chores around my house without being asked: Those kind of things may seem very small from an outside view, but to me and my family they made a world of difference.
I still enjoy going to the mall to socialize with friends, though, as I said, I've cooled the guns on my drug use. I have however, recently found an LSD source, and I may consider taking it in the winter. Tripping under the snow fall has been a fantasy of mine!
'What were the skies like when you were young?'
'They ran on forever...The skies always had little fluffy clouds the were long, and clear...'
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