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The Help I Hate to Love
Citation:   Anonymous. "The Help I Hate to Love: An Experience with Methylphenidate (exp39030)". Nov 27, 2006.

2.5 mg oral Pharms - Methylphenidate (daily)
It was actually my mom who got me on Ritalin. I had always done really well in school, took all advanced classes and had a 4.3 GPA. However, during my Junior year in High School, I just stopped caring. I didn't mind school, but I liked writing music and poetry better than doing my homework. My mom suggested we go to a doctor to see if I had ADD. I knew I didn't, but I had heard about the beneficial effects of drugs like Ritalin and Adderall. I agreed and told the doctor I had trouble concentrating for long periods of time, didn't have much motivation and some other basic symptoms I knew were present with ADD kids. After just one meeting with my doctor, he prescribed Ritalin for me. It was as easy as that.

I tried taking a full tablet at first, but found when I did I couldn't sleep. My body and mind would be absolutely drained but it took physical effort to keep my eyes closed. I would lay in bed and on one occasion actually cried out of frustration and sleep deprivation. After about three days of that, I decided to reduce my dosage to half a tablet.

What I found was incredible. My mind was fully aware of everything, I could write 2000 word essays in one sitting, and I began to really pay attention in class. Sometimes my hands would shake and I would get 'the shivers' (usually accompanied with a cold sweat). I was extremely social and excitable and best of all, I never needed to eat. I honestly stopped craving food altogether. Being a girl, and as superficial as it is, this was the most enjoyable part.

I'm still taking Ritalin, and have yet to up my dosage. I'm a petite girl, weighing 113 despite my 5'6' frame so any drug effects me strongly (though I have only tried weed and alcohol and disliked both). Ritalin keeps my weight low, keeps me motivated to do my school work and my GPA raised to a 4.5.

The only draw back is the occasional depression I feel. I am a very optimistic person by nature. But when I've been taking Ritalin continuously for about 3 or 4 days (I usually skip about 2 days a week), I get into these lows. They usually hit me late and night and make me think my friends don't really care about me, that I have no one to talk to, and that I would have nothing worth talking about anyway. I feel untalented, uninspired and useless I don't at all feel like myself during these times.

I wouldn't call myself addicted because I don't feel my body needing it when I'm off for awhile, but I definitely enjoy its effects. I don't want to stop taking it, which makes me wonder if I'll still be on Ritalin when I'm 40 with kids and a husband. I really don't like that thought.

Exp Year: 2004ExpID: 39030
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Nov 27, 2006Views: 35,249
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Pharms - Methylphenidate (114) : Various (28), Depression (15), Medical Use (47)

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Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the authors who submit them. Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.

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