Citation: KandyK. "The Collapse of the Universe: An Experience with DXM (exp39340)". Erowid.org. Jul 19, 2017. erowid.org/exp/39340
At approximately 2pm of a Thursday afternoon, I made the decision to consume 700mg’s of DXM—250mg’s more than what I was normally accustomed to. I was expecting nothing more than some closed eye visuals and maybe some mild open-eye hallucinations if I was lucky. But little did I know that I was about to experience one of the most meaningful discoveries of my life.
It was around 8 hours later when I had just entered the fourth plateau of my trip and the hallucinations had begun. I was lying on my bed when everything in my room had suddenly appeared to come to life. The bed I was lying on engulfed and swallowed my body into its stomach, my skin had melted into the mattress, and objects in my room changed shape as a threat to my life (the phone cord floated up and formed a noose with itself, the people in my posters would pop out at me in a hostile, 3D manner, etc.). Knowing I was just tripping hardcore, I lay back calmly, enjoying the vivid illusions of my DXM trip.
Somebody had called my cell phone, but when I picked up my phone it transformed into a purple mushroom in my hand. Wanting to make sure if it was real, I attempted to eat it with no success, and eventually figured out how to receive phone calls on my new mushroom. I remember talking to my boyfriend on the phone for a little bit, though I have no recollection as to what we talked about or for how long. The only part of the conversation that I distinctly remember was when he mentioned that he had to leave. At this point in time I felt myself IN the phone line, getting lost in the vortex of wireless service.
I felt myself IN the phone line, getting lost in the vortex of wireless service.
Suddenly, the possibility that I would fade out of existence became so real to me that I truly believed I would be lost and gone forever if we were to lose connection over the phone. I begged him not to hang up, but he reassured me that nothing would happen and clicked off.
The second he did, I felt an incredible rush of life escape from my body as my soul was torn from deep within my core. I knew at that euphoric state I was in that I was experiencing death. As my inner being left my body, my identity that I had assumed to be real for so long was ripped from me. I was submerged with this extreme sense of freedom as my soul finally escaped the boundaries of the physical body.
Then it came. That transient moment where the universe made complete perfect sense, and I was connected spiritually to all things in life. All concept of time was lost, as the past, present, and future had morphed into one single moment of eternity. Everything opposite suddenly became parallel to each other and joined in unison. I was intoxicated with an incredible surge of overwhelming chaos and peace. I had found life in death, meaning in triviality, sensation in numbness, and an entirely different world in DXM.
I had not expected a personal god, but a universal god of some sort emerged from deep within me. I sought an eternal moment, and a dying eternity unfolded before me. It was this unity between my soul and the cosmos that gave me the shocking awareness that this entire time I was a prisoner of the physical world, held captive to the boundaries of the flesh. In both losing myself and finding true existence, I lost my fear of death, as death merely became a passing moment into a higher level of existence. And I had realized all this in less than three Earth seconds.
I had not been out of my body more than a few moments when a female deity, who I somehow recognized as being related to me in a past life, approached me. I was blinded with visions of deja-vu; memories of my previous lives and identities came flowing back to me in short frames and waves (though oddly enough I could not remember those lives or identities the second I snapped back to reality). She was both old and young at the same time, and she seemed to be a god of some sort with intentions of protecting me. Concerned with my well-being, she asked me what had happened to “that girl” (referring to me), and I explained that she was no longer. I had transformed into a higher being in an alternate dimension of reality, and “that girl” had merely become another lifeless body. Like all physical things in this world, she was destined to evolve into nonexistence.
The deity, the guardian angel, whoever or whatever she was, instructed me to re-enter my body because my time to leave this world had not yet come. At this point, the world I had been previously living in had become so meaningless in retrospect that I did not care to go back. But trusting her character, I obliged and lay back down, whereupon she kissed the breath of life into me, and I immediately opened my eyes.
The second I arose I called my boyfriend to tell him of my intense near-death experience and my voyage into the spiritual realm. He automatically presumed that I was hallucinating and the “journey” I just imagined was my subconscious sending me a sign about my rampant drug use. I felt that he held such a biased, superficial analysis of what I knew deep down to be a surreal and profound experience from another perimeter of life. I knew right then from his unwillingness to follow me that I would be alone in my unworldly high, with nobody to share this divine intervention and explore the depths of the unseen with.
To this day, even long after falling out of my trip, I truly believe that DXM opened up a gateway and gave me access to a forbidden, hidden dimension of reality. DXM has definitely exposed my mind to the possibility of so much more, and even in a completely sober state, I often find myself questioning what we as humans believe to be “real.” In the end, I believe this encounter has made an overall positive impact in my life; loved ones around me have commented that I am much more in touch with my feelings, am more empathetic towards others, and overall have an elevated aura of inner peace.
This shit’s a LONG, INTENSE, DEEP, AND POTENTIALLY SCARY journey...
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