Citation: Anonymous. "Lovely and Demonic: An Experience with Amphetamines (Adderall) (exp39898)". Erowid.org. May 26, 2006. erowid.org/exp/39898
I am an 18 year old, female college freshman at a small liberal arts college in southern Wisconsin. During high school, I had some experience with Adderrall, but I mainly used it in an irresponsible, recreational manner. For instance, I would take 20 mg before a party so that I would have an increased tolerance for alcohol. I also smoked weed everyday throughout high school, for the relaxing effects and increased insight. When I came to college, I was hardly a babe in the woods as far as drugs were concerned, but I still managed to become ensnared in Adderrall's trap.
My roommate 'Sue' had a prescription for 20 mg capsules and the sleeping medication Ambien. During the first two or three weeks, I would take one capsule, study for 8 or 9 hours, and then down an Ambien to sleep. I was aware that it was foolish to get in a cycle like that, so I cut out the Ambien, and started to stay up for days at a time. I also became good friends with the boy downstairs, 'Tim', and as it turned out, he had a prescription as well.
Three months after school started, Tim and I got together, and our Adderrall addiction increased dramatically. First, we would take 20-40 mg to study, and, unable to sleep from it, we'd make out all night, then pop two or three more to go to classes. I quit eating, and for someone who's 5'6 and naturally 95 pounds, it was very unhealthy. Also, I went from a half a pack a day smoker to a two or three pack a day smoker virtually over night. We often slept from 3 PM until 11 PM, which meant that had we wanted to eat, we slept through dinner and were too jacked during breakfast and lunch to eat.
I would go into classes, hands visibly shaking, purple circles under my eyes, and proceed to babble absolutely senselessly. The papers that I wrote during the time of my heaviest abuse are unintelligible, the sentences contain 30 or 40 words, the paragraphs strectch on for pages. The worst part is that I thought I was very insightful, perhaps even brilliant, during this time period.
Often, after staying up for 36 or 40 hours on Adderrall, Tim and I would lay in my bed, wide awake but unwilling to go to classes. My tolerance for weed, which was never high before, became enourmous. Tim and I smoked at least a half an ounce of dank per week for the last month of the semester. I showered about once a week, sometimes less, since it seemed that I either had a pressing project or was sleeping like the dead. Tim remarked that showering felt like a waste of time and I couldn't have agreed more. It was impossible to clean my room, do laundry, eat or sleep. I had to get the Word down on the page, I spent hours cleaning bowls for resin, I bullshitted for my classes for entire nights without truly processing any information.
Finals week was when true disaster ensued, as it was bound to. Tim had a fresh prescription of Adderrall, 30 20 mg capsules, and we ate them all in 4 days. I weighed about 80 pounds, I was absolutely breast and hip less, I picked at my zits constantly so my face was covered in scabs, I hadn't showered in two or three weeks, and I realized that I was going to fail most of my classes, due to not attending class or writing absurd papers. The night before my logic final, Tim and I stayed up for 36 hours, and he'd come storming into my room at 3 AM. 'Mary, what's the sign for Adderrall toxicity?' He was white, sweaty, and shaking like a leaf on a tree, but I was not overly concerned. 'Are you convulsing?' I asked him. 'No!' He cheerily replied. A few hours later we ate the last four Adderrall, and I took my final while he collapsed in my bed, exhaustion finally winning over amphetimines. Over the next weekend, we were immobilized with depression, and we just hid in my room, ate delicous fattening food, and tried not to think about our folly, but that proved impossible. I later discovered that I had failed every single one of my finals, due to a mental haze.
The aftermath of that little episode is still being presented to me. My grade point average is 1.1. Tim is not back for this semester and I haven't heard a word from him. I thought we were a charming, gregarious couple, but our old mutual friends all say, 'Thank god you're off that Adderrall, Mary. You and Tim were so annoying, you'd just come in a room, scream at everyone, and run back out.' Or, even worse, 'It's so good to see you looking healthy, you were dirty and starved last semester, I could tell.' After more than a month without any Adderrall, I have regained my weight and my sense of sanity, but the damage to my grade point average and various personal relationships is impossible to undo. I never experianced physical cravings for it.
I thought I could have permanent energy, and in a quest for it, I lost my fiancial aid, a boy that I really cared about, and possibly admission to grad school.
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