DOSE:	1 tablet	oral	MDMA	(pill / tablet)
	1 tablet	oral	MDMA	(pill / tablet)

BODY WEIGHT:

155 lb

My girlfriend's best friend Brooke, a somewhat troubled, very intelligent girl, came back from Amsterdamn with some 'ecstasy' pills. She offered us one of them, so we decided to all go to a rave together and roll. It would be me and my girlfriend's first time, Brooke's second. We took the pills in the parkinglot and then got in line. The line was an hour long, and we felt nothing; the pills were completely bunk, they didn't even relieve Brooke's slight headache.

Here we are, upset with the fake pills, irritated by the hour-long line full of weird kids calling eachother 'butterfly' and 'midnight,' fed up with the people constantly cutting to the front with the unverifyable premise that they were all 'production,' we finally made it to the door, where we paid twice what was advertised. We weren't very happy.

We get inside and turn towards one of the rooms. Immediately a guy approached me and said 'come here.' I said, no man, I'm allright. He insisted. He said everything would be ok, he could sense that tonight was our night, that we were dissapointed. He sold us 3 E's, and these ones were VERY REAL

Waiting for them to hit, we danced a bunch, and then went downstairs to a quiet place to take a rest.

WHOOOOOOOOSH. It wasn't subtle. I came up and up and up. I was so high. sooooooo high. I started laughing, I smiled, a smile which wouldn't go away for 5 hours. 'What?,' I thought, 'Ecstasy's actually real?!' I hadn't expected it to 'work' on me. I thought I'd gain some perspective on the rave culture, have fun, dance, do my thing. But this E hit me like a load of love-bricks

My girlfriend, her best friend Brooke, and I all entered an embrace that would include various people until the end of the event. We told eachother how much we loved eachother, everyone. To me and my girlfriend, it felt like the love we have for eachother just expanded outward and enveloped the world. I looked at everyone that walked by with new eyes... the weren't strangers, they were PEOPLE. PEOPLE were the most fascinating, exciting, beautiful creatures imaginable. Hugging them was GREAT.

Talking, we realized all sorts of hang-ups in our relationships, in our individual psyches. I realized that, while 'intellectually' I like to believe that we're all one, I hadn't really internalized the notion. There were still people, sorority girls, the rich kids that hang out by commons, that I just would never consider valuable people. OF COURSE they're valuable people, it was ME who hated THEM, not the other way around.

There is no way to write a coherent, linear trip report, because that four hours is like a dream in my memory, a soft, brilliant, place, where everything feels like love... the people all looked like love, the air tasted like love, the music was aural love, the air was liquid love. We never danced again after the stuff hit, just hugged, rubbed, kissed, met everyone.

It didn't feel artificial. It didn't feel like a drug. It was as if the layers of gunk between me and everyone else, evolutionary remnants of hierarchical thinking, fear, laziness, trauma, defense mechanisms, were all just temporarily dissolved. I saw what the world should be working towards. My girlfriend looked like the most stunning creature on the face of the planet: big beatiful eyes, pupils filling almost the whole blue iris, shiny smooth soft white face, brilliant smile. I always love her like that. But eveyrone else, I loved them too, in a different way sure, but LOVE all the same. AMAZING!

I couldn't believe such a place existed. EVERYONE was so absurdly NICE, genuinely NICE. They weren't trying to be, they were gratified by it. You know the raver girl in your class thats always very open and friendly? She learned that from E.

Adderall helps me talk to people by giving me lots of confidence. If I feel equal or superior to the person, I can engage in conversation without fear. Otherwise, I avoid even eye contact. E, on the other hand, didn't give me confidence, it gave me UNDERSTANDING. PEOPLE don't judge eachother as much as they think. We're all strangers, and we all react positively to kindness. You can talk to anyone you want, they're almost always going to be appreciative of you taking the time to say hi, whats your name, nice to meet you. I am a changed human being.

Brooke and I, who used to feel awkward towards eachother as mutual friends of my girlfriend, now we love eachother, we're lifelong friends. We're not deluding ourselves, the day after dosing, we all sat and talked for hours, me and Brooke have so much in common. We're going to visit her when she goes back to school, I can't wait.

Its been 36 hours since we dosed. Thanks to 5-htp before and since dosing, lots of vitamins, green tea, antioxidants of all sorts, I don't feel at all depressed. I feel WONDERFUL, I'm still rolling

I LOVED the experience. I don't want it to ever loose its magic. I'll go to another rave as soon as possible, and just dance without drugs, maybe just a lil pot and a redbull. And after a long break, whenever we agree that we need to visit that place again, we'll do it, and it'll be fucking magical.

For me, the main value of MDMA was just the knowledge that such a perfect bliss is possible. Granted, its pharmacologically driven, it can't last forever, its artificial. But just knowing something that AMAZING is out there gives me hope. I've made so many new friends in the past couple of days, I talk to everyone with fearless eye contact now. My EGO, which has always bothered me, is so much less of a problem. I don't feel superior to anybody anymore, they're all just my brothers and sisters. If they don't have the same values as me, its ok, they're doin there thing, they're beautiful.

Exp Year: 2005	ExpID: 40011
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Dec 4, 2019	Views: 1,116
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MDMA (3) : First Times (2), Glowing Experiences (4), What Was in That? (26), Hangover / Days After (46), Rave / Dance Event (18)