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working to minimize harms and maximize benefits, and
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Why Did I Let This Happen to Myself
Heroin
by HALO FOURTEEN
Citation:   HALO FOURTEEN. "Why Did I Let This Happen to Myself: An Experience with Heroin (exp41359)". Erowid.org. Mar 30, 2018. erowid.org/exp/41359

 
DOSE:
  repeated   Heroin


Sour Diesel

When I was 16 I first tried heroin. I remember feeling lost-having no idea why I just bought this questionably small bag of brown powder. 'You watch yourself, little girl', everyone said, but I didn't listen. I did just what the guy standing over me said to do, snorting a quarter of the tiny bag. I thought I must have done something wrong- I didn't feel anything. BAM! A brick wall hit me. I was ontop of the world, 'I'm feeling great, I feel beautiful, I want to do this for the rest of my life'.

When I look back, one year after I abruptly stopped my use, I wonder what I was thinking. It's not the same kind of wondering that my mother has, but more of 'Why did I let this happen to myself?' I don't know if it is hatred for myself, or hatred for heroin and the goddamned addiction that comes with it.

For the rest of my heroin use I based everything on my first experience. I had never felt so good in my entire life. Everytime I used after that I needed more, starting off snorting 1/4 of a stamp to shooting whatever I could buy with the money I stole from my sleeping mother's wallet.

It didn't take long for me to get caught. 2 weeks before the end of my junior year in high school my life changed. My 'scared' friends turned me into the cop at my school. I was searched, and a razor blade was in my wallet. Shit, I was screwed. I got off pretty light, since the cop wanted to see me get help. I went to several treatment centers, and did find one I loved and did in fact work for me.

I am pleased to say I will have one year clean May 25,2005. It takes the life out of me everyday to not use. Using, especially heroin, was my life. I wish, although who knows if I would have listened, that I could have seen all the shit I saw, and felt all the things I felt when I used the first time.

Exp Year: 2004ExpID: 41359
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Mar 30, 2018Views: 1,039
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Heroin (27) : Addiction & Habituation (10), Not Applicable (38)

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