Citation: HALO FOURTEEN. "Why Did I Let This Happen to Myself: An Experience with Heroin (exp41359)". Erowid.org. Mar 30, 2018. erowid.org/exp/41359
When I was 16 I first tried heroin. I remember feeling lost-having no idea why I just bought this questionably small bag of brown powder. 'You watch yourself, little girl', everyone said, but I didn't listen. I did just what the guy standing over me said to do, snorting a quarter of the tiny bag. I thought I must have done something wrong- I didn't feel anything. BAM! A brick wall hit me. I was ontop of the world, 'I'm feeling great, I feel beautiful, I want to do this for the rest of my life'.
When I look back, one year after I abruptly stopped my use, I wonder what I was thinking. It's not the same kind of wondering that my mother has, but more of 'Why did I let this happen to myself?' I don't know if it is hatred for myself, or hatred for heroin and the goddamned addiction that comes with it.
For the rest of my heroin use I based everything on my first experience. I had never felt so good in my entire life. Everytime I used after that I needed more, starting off snorting 1/4 of a stamp to shooting whatever I could buy with the money I stole from my sleeping mother's wallet.
It didn't take long for me to get caught. 2 weeks before the end of my junior year in high school my life changed. My 'scared' friends turned me into the cop at my school. I was searched, and a razor blade was in my wallet. Shit, I was screwed. I got off pretty light, since the cop wanted to see me get help. I went to several treatment centers, and did find one I loved and did in fact work for me.
I am pleased to say I will have one year clean May 25,2005. It takes the life out of me everyday to not use. Using, especially heroin, was my life. I wish, although who knows if I would have listened, that I could have seen all the shit I saw, and felt all the things I felt when I used the first time.
COPYRIGHTS: All reports are copyright Erowid and you agree not to download or analyze the report data without contacting Erowid Center and receiving permission first.
Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.