DOSE:

repeated

insufflated

Cocaine

(daily)

BODY WEIGHT:

200 lb

Sometimes the things in the world are so beautiful they cant be described in words.
Sometimes things are so ugly, we use harsh words towards others to try to forget our own problems.
Sometimes people try to understand something they would never be able to comprehend.


I remember the first time like it was yesterday. I remember the 2nd 3rd 4th then they all blur together. I remember the lies and saying it would never happen again. Then, I remember folding everytime it was around and continuing to lie about it. I remember doing it in the bathroom at my own grandmothers funeral. I remember doing it at work, I remember doing it at school.

The only thing I don't understand is why something so amazingly beautiful and perfect in every way, could make a person feel so useless and dirty and sick. I guess like most people I was a user since my first time. I could go a week, shit I remember going over a month without any. Then the cycle starts all over again. 'Better than sex' I remember saying over and over again in my head and out loud. Nothing makes me feel more alive. My entire life off of it seems like a dream. The only time I wake up is when I indulge, at this point I would rather sleep forever.

I am an addict and I am starting over.

Exp Year: 2005	ExpID: 41470
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Mar 8, 2020	Views: 945
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Cocaine (13) : Not Applicable (38), Addiction & Habituation (10)