Citation: Free Spirit. "This Is Real: An Experience with Salvia divinorum (exp41776)". Erowid.org. Jul 12, 2007. erowid.org/exp/41776
I got some Salvia divinorum tincture last week. I prepared all day yesterday for the event, cleaning up my meditation room, fixing a place on the floor where I would rest, and setting up the altar with appropriate spiritual images, particularly ones of the Blessed Mother, whose patronage SD enjoys. I've had no experience with LSD, mushrooms (the children) or any other psychedelics, so I wasn't sure what to expect. I'd read many trip reports about SD, though, so I felt like I knew what 'could' happen. It's worth noting that I am currently taking 50 mg of Zoloft and 30 mg of Ritalin. However, for the purposes of this ritual, I had not taken ritalin in more than two days.
I got my fiance to be a sitter for me, though now I am thinking that might not have been the best choice. For one thing, he's got no experience as a trip sitter. For another, he didn't really understand why I was wanting to meet Lady Salvia. In retrospect, that affected my mindset. You'll see how in a minute.
After meditating for about 30 minutes, I prepared my mouth by brushing my tongue and mouth to remove dead cells and I rinsed with cool mint listerine to increase absorption of the tincture. I notified my fiance I was ready and he went to the meditation room, seating himself in a chair across from where I would be lying down.
According to the literature that came with the tincture, a recommended dose for first timers was four dropperfuls of the tincture, diluted with 3 dropperfuls of hot water. I prepared the mixture and immediately consumed it, holding it in my mouth. I extinguished all but one of the candles on the altar and moved to the pallet I had prepared for myself. I put in earplugs and slipped a mask over my eyes to block out the dim candlelight. Our small dog then planted himself beside me, lying down against my leg. I shifted so as not to be in contact with him (there was a concern I might 'melt' into him), but he shifted to remain in touch with me. Since he was one of the reasons I was trying to meet Lady Salvia (he is very sick and no doctors have been able to help him), I settled back and tried to relax.
My fiance was watching the clock for me, as the literature said to hold the mixture in my mouth for a minimum of 15 minutes. The first thing I noticed was that my mouth began to get numb. Then I realized that the mixture had slipped to the back of my throat, but I could barely feel my tongue blocking the the liquid there. I began to feel my 'self' sliding...it was a very curious sensation and words really fail me in describing it. But I Knew something was Happening. Raising my arms, I pointed at my wrist--I couldn't ask how much time had passed for all the liquid in my mouth. My fiance said that it was about 10 after 7. Really, that told me nothing, as I had no idea when I'd taken the tincture. I grabbed at the cup by my side and held it, but settled back into the pillows. Then the weird sliding began and I felt myself starting to fight the sensation. It was so beyond anything I'd ever experienced before, it scared me. I quickly leaned up and spit out the mixture (I learned later I'd only had it in my mouth for 10 minutes).
I settled back, trying to relax, wondering what was going to happen. Then I began to speak. I called out for the Lady, trying to focus on Her, making it as clear as possible that I wanted to meet with Her (not the fears that were rattling around in my monkey mind). Speaking seemed to ground me, kept me from 'losing' myself. Then it occurred to me I was speaking out loud. And my fiance could hear it. I began to censor myself, not wanting to freak him out. So I began to describe my experience, my voice some kind of rope tethering me to the existence with which I was familiar.
Me: 'This is real'
Fiance: 'What do you mean?'
Me: 'This is realness, this is what 'recreational' users don't expect, they don't expect to meet with a being, on this side. It's what freaks them out and they never touch Salvia again. (I went on in this vein for a few minutes, then--) Do you have any other questions?'
I wanted him to ask more questions...I was in a space where I felt like there were answers, if only he would ask more questions. But he didn't, so I fell silent. after a few minutes, I pulled up my arm, lifted the mask and peeked at him. Throughout the event I had no CVE's and I realised then that none would occur. I put the mask back over my eyes and tried to relax. After a few minutes of just being, I got concerned that my fiance was still sitting across from me, probably bored. I told him he could leave if he wanted to. Since I was getting a bit chilled, I asked him for a blanket and curled up under it. I felt very tired. Curious, I asked my fiance what all I had said. He told me he couldn't remember. :(
With a sadness, I understood that I was not ready to meet Her. Conscious that my fiance still hadn't left the room, I pulled myself up, removed the eye mask and put out the last candle on the altar. The dog stood up and walked to the door, where my fiance let him out. I checked the clock. It was only 8pm, but I felt so tired, I decided to go on to bed.
I've always had trouble sleeping--getting to sleep and staying asleep--but last night I got to sleep pretty easily. I had many dreams and even when I woke up, I was able to get back to sleep with no problems.
I would like to try to meet Her again, but I know I need to have an experienced sitter with me. Until I can find one, I will take lesser doses of the Salvia, about 1-2 dropperfuls, a dose that I feel will not require a sitter. I am weaning myself off Zoloft, so I look forward to seeing what an experience is like without the effects of an SSRI in my system.
All morning I've been thinking about my experience, what I felt and how it was. Also have been thinking about the dreams I had. I will definitely return to Salvia, but will take my time. This is not a party drug or a cheap high. This is a serious tool for personal growth.
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