Citation: Predisposition. "Three Days to Enlightenment: An Experience with MDMA & LSD (exp43922)". Erowid.org. May 26, 2006. erowid.org/exp/43922
It was Friday, June 10th, 2005. I left to go see what was going on, I picked up my a few of my friends, Tom, Josh, and Daniel. We had nothing to do, but we all knew we wanted to do something. We went up to the park where we met a few other people. The plan the proposed was to go to Galveston and stay all night at the beach. I called my mom and told her I was gonna play Halo and asked if I could stay all night (halo is a good excuse) she said it was, so my night was looking good.
We called the guy who had the tabs, He was gonna meet us at the park to sell them to us. We waited around for about an hour for him to show up, by now it was about 10pm or so. Now for this next part you must understand the layout of the park. To one side is a big parking lot next to a bunch of baseball fields and closer to the bench where we were waiting. To the other side is another parking lot, a bunch of buildings, the tennis courts, and pool. Once the guy with the tabs showed up I got mine and Josh got his. About 2 minutes after he shows up we look to the side of the park with the baseball fields (where me and the tab guy are parked) and cop car rolls up and parks. We look at each other and run as fast as we can. I pop my tab, and Josh pops his. Im 16 so on top of drugs I'm out past curfew. I look back after we all got about 100feet and notice the cop leaving. Everyone stops but we are all still worried. There are about 10 of us at this point and all their cars are parked on the side with the tennis courts where cop wasn’t.
The guy with tabs comes to me and says he’ll sell me the other tabs for 10 dollars each cause he put em in his mouth when the pig rolled up. I had 7 bucks in my hand so I went ahead and got 1 with help of my friend. I stuff it in my shoe and we all get ready to leave. Once I get to my care and take off my shoe my tab is gone. I start freaking out but Tom has 2 ounces of dro on him and Dan has 4 hits of acid. So we go ahead and jet, incase the cop decides to come back. Now the tab was a Tweak based double stacked blue Mercedes. No one in the truck knew I had taken the first tab, they all thought I had lost the only tab I had. I turn to Daniel and say hey would u spot me that hit of acid. So Daniel thinking I had nothing, gave it to me. I didn’t find out until later that he didn’t know I was already on a tab.
Daniel took his other 3 hits of acid and Tom is the only one not on anything. Once we get on the highway [Erowid Note:
Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. Don't do it!]
its about a 45 minute ride to the beach, so we decide to smoke a few bowls. I begin to roll pretty hard 30 minutes into the trip. We get to Galveston and its my first time to drive there, so we get kinda lost. Now Galveston is set up on a grid, going east and west are the streets named by letters, a-z, and north and south are the streets named as numbers. When we first get there we're at about 80th street, and we just keep going trying to find sea wall which is the street against the beach. We go down to about 6th street and by now Im feeling the acid and the tab and the streets begin to trip me out and confuse the fuck outta me, and everytime I think of the streets I just begin laughing maniacally and no one know what at. We call our friends already at the beach and they tell us we were suppost to get of on 61st street. Eventually we find our way to seawall, I dunno how. The call us again and tell us to go to a department store to get a football and some vitamin C. This is where our journey truly begins.
At about 1am we arrive at the department store and we walk around for about 20 minutes. Every time we look down an aisle it just seems so immense and endless. Daniel keeps laughing and just randomly sitting down in the middle of aisles for no apparent reason. We grab the glow in the dark football, vitamin c’s, and Tom gets a 3 dollar shirt that says “Official Dunk Master”, we found this shit hilarious. As I looked around in the store I began to get thoughts about the war machine and the capitalist ideals and corruption that store stood for. Normally when that happens the trip turns bad, but this time I was candy flipping, and the tab made all my bad feelings go away. When we get to the truck I begin to roll VERY hard and the trip intensifies, so I let Tom drive because he is the only sober one, even though he doesn’t have a license. As we get to the more secluded part of Galveston there are no street lights and this only makes me roll harder. I keep thinking we are lost and freaking out and calling our friends at the beach already to get directions. After about 20 minutes and 5 phone calls we finally arrive.
The beach was secluded, it had a few houses but other than that we were alone. When we get there we figure out that 2 of our friends left to go get the other car full of people. We get there to find John and Terry “holding down the fort”.
When we get out everyone is reluctant to do anything as we are not used to the surroundings. About 10 feet from the tide and about 10 feet wide is a carpet of seaweed that has washed up, its as far as the eye can see along the beach. We all took off our shoes and walk around. About 10 minutes later the others get there. 15 guys and 1 chick. We don’t care though, we are all rolling, tripping, or both. The sand felt so good on my feet, its hard to explain but the fact that It molds to your foot each step you take just makes it an awesome feeling. I look up to see all the stars in the sky clear as day, or well night. There are no clouds and its rare to see this in the Houston area seeing as there is so much light pollution and pollution from the chemical plants. Tom sees me looking up and comes over and he says, “Wouldn’t it be awesome to be able to know whats going on everywhere u look? Like if u looked at that star and just knew what they were doing, inventing a new drug or going to school or something?” And as I normally do on acid, my mind starts going 90 miles a minute.
The way I describe it is its like letting the flood gates on a ragin river open up. If the river is dry, nothing really happens, but if its there then you will feel it, that’s how all drugs are in my opinion. The only girl there, Candice, comes over and makes me lay in the bed of this truck and look at the stars. Now the first time on acid I got kinda suicidal because I naturally am a little nihilistic, and acid made it get worse, but with the tab, every bad thought I had went away. My body felt warm and tingly, my mind felt open and clear.
As I laid there looking at the stars I would stare at one star, and then after a few seconds all the other stars in the sky would melt away. It was like Tom had said earlier, but I actually felt like I knew what was going on everywhere I looked. Suddenly I lost focus and I could see all the stars again. Now my heart began to pound really fast, the feeling I had now is very hard to explain, but I only feel it when I take a meth based tab. Its kinda like im about to have heart attack its going so fast and I breath kind of hard, but its not scary, its kind of invigorating and makes me feel so alive. Suddenly I see a shooting star but right when I see it Tom come and flashes a flashlight right in my eyes and I lose it.
At this point I kinda got annoyed by everyone around me cause everyone was talking and wouldn’t shut the fuck up so I just kinda tuned it out and once again all the stars accept the one I was looking at melted away and I felt almost godlike. It was like all the worries I had melted away and I couldn’t concentrate on them enough to get worried if they were still there. But soon they all came back because the utter lack or worries kinda bothered me. Like I didn’t know what I would tell my mom when I came home and was all sandy and sun burned, but I tried to not let it get to me. At about 3am me Tom and Jonathan all go back up to the store with me driving. Jonathan is on 2 and a half tab and 2 and a half hits of acid. He couldn’t stop talking about anything and everything.
Once we got to the store me and jonathan took 2 of the vitamin c tablets we bought earlier and go inside without shoes and Jon has no shirt on. We wander around for what seems like hours looking for anything and everything. The utter size of wallmart tripped me out so bad. I just got so overwhelmed by everything my eyes would get really wide and I would start to breath heavily and look around at everything and try to take it all in. Once we left jon got in the back of my truck and he tried surfing in the bed. The feeling of driving while candy flipping is awesome. When we let Tom drive I felt super uncomfortable like I was gonna die or something cause my truck is standard and he cant drive standard.
Also the fact that it was standard made driving that much funner. I saw the road ahead of me and it was rushing past me like I was goin 100mph, but when I looked at the speedometer I was going 45. I felt like I was driving away from all the bad in the world, and with pink floyd playing I kinda spaced out. When we finally got back to the beach I wasn’t ready to get there, I wanted to explore some more and smoke a few more bowls like we had on our way to wallmart. I went and layed back in the truck bed but soon the last car to get there had to go cause everyone had to go to work at like 6am so the left. Time at this point seemed to just flow freely and very fast, it literally only felt like 30 minutes when it had been 5 hours or so.
Once everyone left I began to think more deeply and I realized something, all night I hadn’t once looked at the ocean. It felt like if I did look at the ocean I would be overwhelmed by its infiniteness and it would overtake me. It was very intimidating to even think about how big the ocean was. But then I decided it was time so I gathered all my strength, however weird that sounds, and cast my gaze upon the immense ocean. And there I was, I saw what Columbus had seen more than 500 years ago. I was looking at the edge of the world, but also the edge of the universe. It was like I could everything that ever was is or will be. The feeling of god. I don’t really know what I was doing or where I was at this point all I remember is my thoughts and seeing the ocean. It was almost as if I had transcended my body and my soul was flying freely through the universe. I looked down at the waves rolling in and out and they looked like horses running to shore, kinda like in lord of the rings.
At this point I had The Wall playing in my head and it was on repeat, but it was like I was listening to it. All this time ive been smoking cigarettes, but I was about to light up another stogie. I sat there for a good 30 minutes before I lit it up, everyone kept offering me a light but I didn’t want one, I just kept saying, “Im waiting for the right time.” And then I realized something when I was looking at the universe, It isn’t greater than me, I told myself that all night but it wasn’t true, creation isn’t greater than me, it is me. My reality is defined as everything I perceive but we can construct out own realities if we try, we can alter everything around us and in us, and why is that not real? If you feel something and it seems real, who is to say its not real. And then I realized something else, what I needed to do was let everything inside of me out and everything that was outside me in. And I did. I took in the universe. And I told Tom how weird it was to think it possible that the entire universe if understood would be contained inside a human brain, thus creating two universes. The thought of infinity preoccupied my mind all night.
As the hours went on and the sun began to rise I was still rolling and tripping. The thing is with acid or tabs, I never really stop rolling or tripping its just less intense. I also figured something else out, this ties in with the whole flood gates idea which I figured out during this experience, it doesn’t matter how many of what I take, its what I do with what I have that creates the experience. As the sun rose a storm blew in and it looked like a hurricane on the edge of the earth and I began to worry again but then I realized how stupid it was to worry about anything, how I cant control the storm so there is no use worrying about it. As it passed I saw one of the most amazing things ever, a rainbow. It was a real rainbow that arched across the sky and it was very bright and we all just stopped and looked at it until it went away. Tom looked at me and said something I was thinking at that exact moment, “What the fuck is a rainbow? I mean where the fuck do they come from?” And I know, the physics of light and science can explain a rainbow, but that’s not what he was asking, or so it seemed to me. It wasn’t even a question, it was more of a statement about how awesome and random and beautiful the rainbow really was.
Soon I pondered my own existence, and I just thought about how awesome my existence was. How in a universe of chaos and nothingness I just happened to spawn into existence. I closed my eyes and through the blackness I saw little bits of light swirls bursting in and out of existence and I soon understood creation.
Solipsism- the belief that oneself is the only thing that exists, reality is just an illusion. And I thought to myself so what if it is an illusion, the illusion is something. Big bang or creationism, the fact that there is anything is utterly amazing. And then I understood how to create matter, I create it with my mind. Reality is constructed in the mind and as Huxley explain reality is filtered inside the sober mind but through lsd and other drugs it is opened. The restraints lifted and your mind is freed to take in reality, and reality is truly something that exists within. I soon grew tired of the beach and I knew I was crashing and hard. So we got in the truck and left. When we got back to town my car was filled with sand and I spent about an hour at a carwash cleaning it all out, but the problem was I was dead broke, not a big part of the story.
I went hope and wrote on my computer everything I felt before I was too far into crashing that I couldn’t. What came out was basically what I just wrote accept shorter and a lot more incoherent. It was now Saturday and I woke up around 6pm and went outside and vacuumed my pool. What seems to help when I'm coming down off a trip the next day is to do mindless tasks that are easy and long. It makes me stop thinking and cool down from the trip, but even the day after I still feel like im on acid, no matter what I do.
The next night (Sunday) I go up to the park to see what everyone is doing and they are all going up to this mansion our friend was house sitting and rolling. So I call the guy we get the tabs from and get another one and head out. On the way I got and drank 2 Sobe® adrenaline rushes and take my tab. I smoke a few stogies and a few bowls once we get there before it kicks in. Me and Candice laid on the dock behind the house alone talking and rubbing each others head for like 3 hours. And to me it seemed the world was perfect. It seemed/seems so silly to bicker and fight over land and money. We talked about each other and it felt as if our souls were one and we were exchanging every part of us. We aren’t going out, we are just very close friends. But then I started talking about the bad experiences in my life and the good feelings left for about 20 minutes and I got REALLY depressed and I just felt all around bad, like I shouldn’t be alive or something. So I got up and went to the pool where everyone else was.
I saw about 5 shooting stars that night. I sat in a chair pool side and stared at the one of the few stars I could see and then everything around me, like the night at the beach began to melt away, except this time it wasn’t just the stars, it was everything and I was just sitting in a black abyss. Everyone kept telling me to go swimming in the pool but I couldn’t bring myself out of my trance. Soon I asked one of my really close friends and Candice to go with me to the store to pick up some cigs, seeing as im only 16. When we left I looked at everyone and I felt like I was gonna cry cause I loved everyone so much, I loved life so much. I feel that now just writing about it. When we got back I went and sat dangling my feet off the edge of the dock looking for this fish that I had seen earlier that lit up. It was like a firefly in the water.
It was amazing but then I saw a fish jump onto the ramp that went into the water and I thought it was stuck. I felt so much love for life that I decided I had to let it live and push it back into the water, apparently this wasn’t the right choice, I got down to the end to find no fish and tons of algae. I slipped in the water with my cell phone in my pocket, once again bad idea. When I got out I was fine, the fact that my cell phone was dead didn’t bother me at all, the good feelings had come back and everything was perfect. I couldn’t tell everyone how much I loved them. After sitting some more I and smoking a bunch of cigarettes I did what I had done at the beach again and sat and held the cigarette until the time was right to light it. I cant emphasize enough the importance of smoking a cigarette or weed while on anything, it makes the trip/roll/whatever so much more intense. And suddenly I had the most intense feeling and I realized, I had reached enlightenment, I was the Buddha, if only for an instant, I knew everything. That seemed like it was the right time to smoke another cig so lit up, but it seemed to be a bad idea in the end.
I became overwhelmed by reality and my heart began to pound faster than ever and my body felt very heavy. Everything around me was spinning and I was very uncomfortable. I couldn’t sit I couldn’t stand anything I did made me feel even worse. I began breathing really heavily and it felt like with enlightenment came the burden of all the problems in the world. It was like I heard the cries of all the starving people in the world. I felt the pain of all the suffering, and I heard the screams of the dead. And then I smoked another stogie and it all went away. I went and had a bubble bath with Candice and then we went and layed down in the master bed and fell asleep. All in all it was a very good experience.
My life has changed since then, for the better. I now understand how absurd war and hatred are. I look at my life and realize people are too worried about living and don’t actually LIVE! Through this whole experience I smoke a lot of cig and pot, I was constantly on a buzz from both but I left all that out cause if I wrote that in it would make this twice as long. So ya there it is. It seems to me drugs are illegal because “THEY are afraid that there is more to reality that they could ever imagine, that there are doors that they have yet to go in, and they don’t want us to go in there either because their afraid that well find something they don’t know and that makes us a little out of their control.” I found something no one else had found before in those 3 days, Im sure of it.
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