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My Neverending Nightmare
Citation:   Big Ghost. "My Neverending Nightmare: An Experience with Methadone (exp44376)". Erowid.org. Mar 3, 2018. erowid.org/exp/44376

  oral Methadone (daily)
I have been struggling with opioid dependency for the past eight years or so. I have been in and out of prison due largely to the drug Heroin. For the past year and a half, Methadone has been a part of my daily life. Methadone clinics offer an escape for people like me, who spend all of their time using and seeking a Heroin fix. I go in once a day, sign in a client number and have a seat. Once my number is called, I go to the 'dosing room' where I sign a daily log, and recieve my orange Methadone tablets (slighty moistened to discourage clients from pocketing the tablets) in a paper cup. I pour some more water, stir the tabs, drink and go. And for the duration of 24-36 hours, the thought of 'using' is nowhere in mind. The first day I got on the Methadone Maintance program, I was in bad shape. Tired of spending countless dollars and hours on Heroin, not to mention, that as a young man, I had no intention of spending the rest of my days on Earth as a Junkie. The doctor's words to me were (at 8am), 'By 12pm, you will feel like a Champ!' I was like sure, whatever... I was also told that I was only allowed 45mgs to start with. I didn't like the sound of that. I told him that I used a lot of Heroin, and that I could handle more. So, he prescibed me 55mgs, and said that if it wasn't enough, I could ask the next day for an increase (or vice-versa). He also said that it would take at least an hour and a half for the dose to work.

That was the longest hour and a half ever. I remember lying in the passenger seat of the car, amidst heavy traffic, waiting for the damn stuff to work. I was feeling ill at this point.... Suddenly, I felt amazing! It was like the best feeling in the world. I came home feeling like a champ! For the next few weeks, the Methadone acted like a super Heroin high that had no intention of subsiding. I would wake up and go to sleep that way. After sometime (a couple months or so), I noticed that I was in need of a higher dose to substain my feeling of 'Normalcy'. After 6 months, I settled on 120mgs. A year later (at this present time), I am on 65mgs due to the fact that I am bi-weekly, reducing my dose by 5mgs. I have aches and pains in all of my joints (worse than arthritis!)...I have stomach problems, fatigue, and mood-swings. This is a brief description! If I continued to stay on 120mgs, I would probably feel better, but I have to come to a point where enough is enough. I continue to reduce my dose...

Exp Year: 2005ExpID: 44376
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Mar 3, 2018Views: 1,560
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Methadone (166) : Medical Use (47), Addiction & Habituation (10), Retrospective / Summary (11), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Not Applicable (38)

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Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the authors who submit them. Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.

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