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The Lights
MDMA (Ecstasy)
by Qua_Wists
Citation:   Qua_Wists. "The Lights: An Experience with MDMA (Ecstasy) (exp44614)". Erowid.org. Oct 22, 2007. erowid.org/exp/44614

 
DOSE:
0.5 tablets oral MDMA (pill / tablet)
  0.5 tablets oral MDMA (pill / tablet)

BODY WEIGHT: 132 lb


So tonight I try X, it's pitch black here as I try to write. 30 minutes since I popped the pill, I'm feeling nothing but they tell me it will come. People are raving around me, in the expected drug-induced stupor I hope to experience. I'm envious. There are familiar faces here, Sarah just talked to me. I lost my train of thought, but they were kind, friendly words so it does not matter.

Dominick is giving Anna a light show, or so it seems. Wait -- no, wrong lifetime. Derrick and Sarah. Eerie how they look more like flickers from a past time. Everyone else is tripping. Should I have done the entire thing? Contemplating taking the other half, probably won't. The chill is gone from the basement, probably more from body heat than anything else. Someone gives me a white sweatshirt. I feel disembodied, as if I'm on too much Concerta but nothing extraordinary. Not the blissful ecstasy I was promised. This is bullshit.

Warmth... my eyes widen. They ask if I can feel it. I feel it, fucking bright blue light on the turntable blinding me. I definitely feel something, and I'm gnawing impulsively. It passes.

Took the second half, not a minute ago. Might be feeling the first. Maybe. Yeah, like I'm wired on too much Adderall and two days sleep deprived. Silence. Ow, fucking music blasts me out of the room. My mouth is dry, cottonmouth perhaps. I'm trying to be bored, but I can't be. My lips are numb and I'm thoughtless; content. Strange, I don't think I'm tripping yet but I'm not sure.

Feel.... good. My arm is asleep, but pleasantly so whenever I move. It seems to require motion. Figures, nothing ever just sits and comes to you. Amusing, but hardly the effects I'm hoping for. I'm beginning to wonder if my body kicked this like it does everything else. A passing moment, nothing more. I will never understand. Everyone else is, why not me? It's been 60 minutes. A $10 disappointment. It could be worse, I suppose, but I was hoping for a new reality to open, or something to that effect.

Squat. I quit, for now. Everyone else, except me.

Woah. Involuntary eye flutter. Feel almost like I'm going to puke, but not. Passes, I think. Derrick suddenly become much better at raving. Strange. Confusion, confusion strobing and pounding sound. Chewing my jaw again, I stand up and run my hands along my hair. Electrical.

I'm disembodied, yet not. Waves of warmth lap over a chill sweat that's formed over my skin, just under my shirt and newly acquired sweatshirt. I smile, yes, this is more what I expected. The lights -- so beautiful, flowing together and bright. The DJ stand is occupied. Transfixed by the lights, oh; the lights. Spinning and twirling, then blurring before my eyes. I wear glasses that scatter the light, and fall into a blissful unawareness of anything except the lights before my eyes. Someone talks, leaving... something about leaving. Hard to focus with all the beautiful colors.

We step outside, it's chill and warm at the same time, and the air smells... fresh. The branches brushed aside are textured, I run my hands along them as we walk to the cars. So strange, yet, appealing. I can't think of any other time I've ever been this content in the moment. I don't want it to stop, never stop. We drive. I wear the glasses, and suddenly a prismatic rainbow city springs to live, filling the night sky with expansive signs and structures. I see a church in the stalagmites, stalagtites and comets shooting about in rainbow facade. Buildings, obelisks... and I'm part of them, but I can't touch. Not yet. They move to the music -- trance, and grow larger only to disappear. So intense, so clear. I almost want to cry. They blur. Arches, many arches gauzy in the night air. I turn my head and they spin into a complex knot to be unwravelled. Where am I? It doesn't really matter. I reach for it, but fail.

We arrive back. Lights splay across the ceiling soon, and I'm once again chasing ripples of light along the ceiling. A turmulteous ocean below of red-orange churns mysteriously, and oil drapes the fan from an everchanging patch along the ceiling. I'm aware of people, but they are second to this. Amazing -- I do not want it to end. But it will, I can feel it coming down. Shivers wrack me as each wave passes I feel more back into reality. Soon the rainbows no longer build streets and landscapes, but rather aimlessly float in chaotic designs. And they are less brilliant. There is conversation, and a bat. Why is there a hat on my head? I remember the feel of felt.

It's over. I'm chewing gum and nursing cartoon dreams and a dry throat. Light -- what a trip. The prismatic drive, the citadels and patterns all so crystal clear and I, bodiless floating amongst it. Surrounded by friends, I never wanted the reality to end of sound and light. Not wanting to give up that last high, then with one final chill rush it disappears. Leaving me wandering, wondering at the world I thought I knew so well.

Fuck. The chill press of the window against my forehead, that utter blanket of warmth and good falling over my shoulders as I reminisce. An experience, for sure. The craving is gone though. Even the memory of it has started to fade. I remember being enraptured by the lights. Always just out of reach but oh-so-brilliant. Sarah said I was child-like. Everything else was insignificant to the lights. And my hair, electrical. My hair felt alive. Tingly, and warm.

Next morning, it's overcast and 10:40am. Some scattered sleep was possible with extremely odd lucid dreaming. Took some vitamins and rehydrated, it all seems so long ago. I'd be gone if ecstasy was addictive. There's no longing anymore, just reality and a wistful memory. Thank you, friends, for making it such for me.

Exp Year: 2005ExpID: 44614
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Oct 22, 2007Views: 47,824
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MDMA (3) : First Times (2), Large Group (10+) (19)

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