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I Think I'm Out of My Mind
Salvia divinorum (10x extract)
by Cosmas
Citation:   Cosmas. "I Think I'm Out of My Mind: An Experience with Salvia divinorum (10x extract) (exp44908)". Erowid.org. Oct 27, 2007. erowid.org/exp/44908

 
DOSE:
  repeated smoked Salvia divinorum (extract - 10x)

BODY WEIGHT: 200 lb


The first time I tried salvia divinorum was 3 days ago. A friend and I mixed some with some marijuana in a glass pipe, and I basically felt as though it were an enhancer to the marijuana. Strange visual...contortions, I suppose, of the atmosphere around me. As though the air was bending. As soon as this happened, I began laughing uncontrollably. Keep in mind I was with 2 other people and a dog at this point. These were the only effects I experienced.

Roughly 2 hours later, alone in my bedroom, I decided to try it again, this time by myself. I had no pot, so I just loaded a pipe with only salvia d. during the second toke from the pipe, my vision became centered on one of the posters on my wall. I have a lot of posters, and before I really understood what was happening, the people on the posters began reaching out to me, repeatedly asking me 'what is it?' other 'beings' also materialized out of the clothes on my floor. I could feel the hands on me, pulling and pushing at the same time, very gently. I remember saying, aloud, 'this is fucked up. This isn't really happening.' Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew I had just smoked a mind-altering substance, and I thought I could snap myself out of it whenever I wanted. Which was now. Shortly thereafter (I would guess the entire trip lasted less than 5 minutes, real time) I panicked, and tried to get out of my room, and away from the hands of the beings that had come to me, even though they were being very gentle. I managed to get back to my bed, find and chug a beer, and soon I was back in reality, though I was sweating profusely, and still quite shaken up.

The next night I had to work, from 4pm until 4am. I had been home for awhile, and at about 6am I decided to smoke some more salvia d. I felt a little more comfortable doing it, because I sort of knew what to expect (or so I thought). My roomate was watching me from the couch. I was sitting on the floor, and we were listening to music. I started tripping very hard on about the 2nd or 3rd hit Iíd taken from the pipe. When I finally came to (about 3 minutes later, according to my roomate) the only thing I really remembered was what I can only describe as a train of light, speeding at me and directly into my face, with some sort of beings, whispering at me to come with them somewhere. I have no idea where they want me to go, and again I became nervous, and apprehensive about following them. I cannot remember what these beings looked like. I ended up snapping out of my trip quite abruptly when my roomate began screaming 'this sucks!' apparently he was already in a bad mood, and watching me trip had really freaked him out. I came to reality with a jolt and knocked over the lamp that was behind me. In the morning (this morning) he told me was saying 'some really crazy shit.' He said he couldn't even remember or repeat it, because it was so very bizarre.

Tonight after work, I decided I was gonna try again, and this time I was going to go wherever the beings wanted me to go. I didn't have very much salvia left (it's expensive!), but I packed what I thought to be more than enough into the pipe. This is still very clear in my mind, as it happened less than one hour ago. As I was beginning my trip, I started to realize that I had gone thru the same initial hallucinations the night previous, but I had somehow blocked it out. The swirls of the glass pipe turned into a wheel of men spinning around, and I could hear the familiar whispers of these beings making plans, as though they had been waiting for me, and I finally had come back to them, and they were eager to take me in and nurture me, and care for me while I was visiting. They were very excited.

At about this time I started to think I was losing my mind. I was much more lucid than I ever had been when smoking salvia (in my 3-day career! ha), and I thought 'well, let's see if I can get out of this on my own.' I began trying to shake away from this world I had entered, and the beings seemed a bit let down, but willing to let me make my own decisions. They were backing off, but I could tell they wanted me to come with them. I decided that I didn't want to leave them, but it seemed I couldn't go back without taking a couple more hits of salvia. I remember telling the beings that I wanted to come with them, and asking if I just needed to smoke more. They wanted me to come, but didn't pressure me. I tried to smoke more, but when I went to my supply, it was pretty much all gone. We sort of parted ways, quite unceremoniously.

At this point, I began thinking of what had just happened to me. The fact that I remembered, now, that it had also happened pretty much the same way the night before, made me think. Am I communicating with spirits from another dimension? Have they been waiting for me all this time? Iíve always had very slight, uh...psychic feelings. I don't know how else to say it, as I haven't really thought that much about it. My coworker, who says he is a pagan, and also has an affinity for salvia d., had asked me 'did you ever wonder if maybe you were personally connected to the spirit world? And maybe you've found the key?' this really made me think. During the 'afterglow' stage, as Iíve heard it called, I was becoming extremely paranoid that if I told anyone about this, they'd think Iíd lost my mind. But at that point, I was SURE it was real. I also was afraid that if I told anyone, I may be shut off from the beings that wanted to take me in and nurture and teach me. I still feel very strange about this, and now that Iím sober, it all seems very ridiculous. But only because I want it to seem ridiculous, because the if I think too much about what might really be, I fear my head will explode, or implode. Whichever is worse.

Basically, Iím just really wondering about a lot of things right now. It seems as though Iím no longer in the same mindset as I was before, and what Iíve typed out seems completely ludicrous. To sum it all up, though, I felt as though I was entering another...layer, I suppose, and was about to finally be with these beings that have been waiting for me all my (23) years. I could hear whispered voices the entire time, and they reminded me of the voices I hear as Iím laying in bed, trying to fall asleep each night. Is that normal? Do other people hear them? I have random snippets of people talking in my head, and what they are saying is never related to anything else, so it doesn't really make sense.

I began to believe that I really was connected to the spirit world, and that Iíve come closer to actually BEING there than ever. I thought that I would forget what happened on the trip, because I had forgotten from the night before (or maybe it's in my head that it was the same? a deja vu-type experience?), but now I can remember. I was very paranoid that if I told anyone about this, Iíd not be let back in. I still feel as though Iím taking a chance of being ostracized from the 'community' I really belong to, and that those beings who wished so much to care for me will no longer accept me. As I type and re-read this, it sounds completely insane. or schizophrenic. I really would like to talk about this with anyone who has had a similar experience. Then again, maybe it's all in my head, and I was simply tripping-the-frig-out?

Exp Year: 2005ExpID: 44908
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Oct 27, 2007Views: 6,325
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Salvia divinorum (44) : Mystical Experiences (9), Entities / Beings (37), Retrospective / Summary (11), Various (28)

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