Citation: VegasGirl. "This is How It Feels: An Experience with Cocaine & Alcohol (exp45610)". Erowid.org. Dec 27, 2007. erowid.org/exp/45610
I just wanted to share with you one of the experiences I had while on coke. This drug gets a bad rap for being 'hardcore' or making people violent or shakey, but in my five years of recreational use I have had few unpleasant experiences, none of them significantly more upsetting than getting pass out drunk. I personally think it's the best libido enhancer that there is, and no one I've dated has had a problem 'performing' on coke.
My ex-boyfriend and I are both in the nightclub industry, he owns a bar, and I work at one. Many people in this industry love to party and drink til the afternoon hours, and we are no exception. On one particular occassion, my I'd hung out with my boyfriend while he was watching the bar he owns, a large and upbeat nightclub. By one am, we had scored some coke and went into the office to do a few medium size lines. I did two, he, being 6'4' and having about a hundred pounds on me, did three. I can do more coke on average than most girls my size, I think I got used to doing it with my ex, who we're going to call C. for privacy's sake.
For me, coke is instant euphoria. As soon as I did the lines, I felt a warm rush of the coke going in through my nose and down the back of my throat, the taste of it all. Moments later I feel a wave of heat an energy pass through me, starting at my neck and shoulders and moving down through my entire body. The wave gives way to a pulsating energy, and I have the urge to move around. More relevant to the discussion at hand, I begin to feel an extremely strong sexual desire, almost to the point of being violent, and I want to grab my boyfriend and kiss him, feel his hands all over my body. I can't touch him hard enough. We do this, and then we snort one more line before he goes off to work. I grab my Crown and Coke (we both drink these) and go back out to the club where I mingle with my friends. It's about two a.m.
I am noticely more bubbly and energetic when I go back out on the floor. I laugh with my friends and am very chatty. I tell my friends S. (female) and D. (male) what we've got so we sneak out the back door to the club and snort more lines off the dashboard of the car. Well, they do three lines each, and I do just a bump (for those who don't know, a line is about half as thick and half as long as a cigarette. a bump is probably one third the size of a line) We've got Kid Rock on the radio and my body is buzzing. The music is great and I have an acute awareness of being alive. I notice that as I always do when I get coked up, I have an overwhelming urge to keep throwing my head back.
We sit in the car, drink our drinks and chat some more about random things. The topics are random and most likely nonsensical but to us at the time, they strike us as being incredibly important and profound. It's now about two fourty five in the morning, and the bar is closed to the public. The last stragglers are making their way out, and the three of us use my keys to get in the back door and get ready for after-bar, which we have a lot. The club has black out curtains so we close them so the cops can't see we have a party going on, and we turn on the lights on the dance floor and the music in the dj booth.
It's three thirty in the morning now and I am ready to speed up, not slow down. D. has scored his own coke and is now sharing with S, so C. and I have a little bit more than two eight balls between us. We go back to the office and proceed to make love there after snorting one more line for me, three more for him. I'm not trying to write a provocative or pornographic story here, but I am trying to accurately depict the way coke makes me feel, so here we go.
C. throws me up on against on the wall and proceeds to rip my clothes off. The drug makes me feel things more intensely and then it makes you crave even more intensity than that. It is never enough. I want to do everything, I want everything to be new and amazing and intense. I want to do things that I would never normally want to do; I want people to watch us, I want anything dirty and raw that could happen to happen. I feel that I can not get touched firmly enough or hard enough. C. raises himself off me and snorts another line off a nearby desk. I laugh and he picks up some more blow and I snort if off his hand. We finish up what we're doing and go back out to join the others. It's a little after four in the morning.
We walk down the ramp that leads from the office to the club and I see a group of my friends sitting around telling stories, animated and wild, laughing and talking loudly. They've been using too. S. is sitting up on the bar and D. is standing behind her, where the bartenders stand, pouring tequila rose into her mouth from in an exaggerated gesture. Euphporia fills the room. I can see it in everyone's eyes; it's an amazing look, a look of exaggerated awareness of every sense. The drug makes us all like that, like some better version of ourselves. It does not make us wild, or manic, but makes us bound with life. We are so happy to be together, to share this time, it's almost like a hippy thing, only we, in our leather pants and halter tops, are definitely not hippies. It makes us feel like we have some private world here behind our locked doors, a commune.
We all want to talk and we keep cutting each other off, but we laugh about it. I'd say that the girls in the room are averaging about 3 lines and hour, the boys four or five. I personally am doing about 5, and C. and D. are doing about 8. Remember, at this point C, D, S and I are all pretty heavy users. It's about six am, and we are all still going strong. My body feels tingly all over, like its zinging with energy.
I'm drinking more than I'm doing blow now because I feel a little bit too high. By this I mean that I'm starting to feel like my heart is racing and pounding in my ears, and I'm beginning to feel anxiety welling up in my chest. I tell myself to chill out and slam a giant crown and coke and I feel much better. C. is slowing down too and we're totally euphoric. We're both reasonably affectionate and open people, but now we're crazily in love. He is telling everyone how much he loves me and that I'm his best girl, and spinning me around so everyone can see my 'amazing' ass, which he is now obsessed with.
This type of thing would normally be embarrassing but I am free of inhibitions and wanting to be wild, wanting to say and do things that will make me feel alive, I feel that everything is acceptable and okay, and so I laugh and begin to tell everyone how good C. is in bed (or in the office, ahem). We sit down on a couch and I notice that I can't seem to stop rubbing C.s leg, it's both a fixation and a nervous twitch (he later has heat rash...oops!). It's about eight in the morning, and I've done about 1/16th of an ounce in 7 hours. C. has done about 12/16th of an ounce.
We all decide to go home, so C. and I throw on our sunglasses and make the drive home. We're still giddy but calming down, the buzzing in my body turning into pulsing waves, but I'm still euphoric. I give him head in the car on the way home and think it's funny that people can see. We get home at about 8:45 am and make a couple more Crown and Cokes and drink them so that we can get sleepy enough to go to bed. We both still have the energy and libido to do it again so we do, and then we are able to fall asleep.
When I wake it's about six thirty in the afternoon. I feel a little bit shakey, like you would if you didn't eat enough. That kind of shakey. I laugh and think about how much fun I had. C. has allready been up for a while and feels great.
It's a beautiful life.
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