My Epiphany - Revisited and Revised
Amphetamines - Adderall
by Narcotika
Citation:   Narcotika. "My Epiphany - Revisited and Revised: An Experience with Amphetamines - Adderall (exp46016)". Erowid.org. Sep 5, 2007. erowid.org/exp/46016

 
DOSE:
T+ 0:00
30 mg oral Amphetamines (pill / tablet)
  T+ 1:00 30 mg oral Amphetamines (pill / tablet)

BODY WEIGHT: 148 lb


Before getting to the experience report, I'd like to address a few details that may be of importance. First off, I'm a 17 year old male, about 6ft and 150lbs, from the southern United States. Prior to trying adderall, my sole experience with stimulants was with 2 small lines of free coke, which wasn't nearly enough, and the occasional attempted abuse of methylphenidate, which I am prescribed for ADD in the form of concerta.

The first time I took addys, I picked up my friend 'JK' from his house at about 7pm, and he produced the two 30mg Adderall XR pills I had requested. I immediately took one, and hit the road on the way to another friends house. About an hour later, I still was yet to notice any effects what-so-ever, so I took another 30mg and brought my total dosage up to 60mg of extended release. Again, I felt nothing. After two hours or so of basically riding around with a few friends and looking for something to do, JK and I decided to hang out at T's home for awhile. It was about the time we began walking into his house that I felt the first inklings of what was to come.

I am, and always have been, significantly more alert, energetic, talkative, and attentive at night. But on this night, these traits were even more abundant. I was feeling content really, and we basically spent the time there talking about very random things and surfing the net. It eventually reached 12pm, and we really needed to head home. On the way home, JK and I essentially talked for the entire 20 minute trip. I was beginning to become quite verbose, something that would only become worse as the night went on.

[Erowid Note: Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. Don't do it!]

I believe its important to note that although I had known JK for about a year, we had not been friends until about 3 days before. We had an incredibly interesting and thought provoking discussion, the likes of which normally would be had with only very close friends. The topics covered were predominantly related to the use of drugs and its posiive and negative connatations; In hindsight, I now believe it largely factored into the events that took place later that night. I felt very insightful, and absolutely loved talking; I really thought about, and took to heart, everything that was said.

After dropping JK off, I started my journey home. The trip between our houses is about a 9 minute ride of curvy and desolate country roads, and on this particular night, it was quite foggy. Driving at night in the fog, while completely alone, always seems to make me think, and this night was exactly one of the nights seemingly made for contemplation. Prior to this night, I had experienced several major events in my life in quick succession. My grandfather, probably the family member to whom I was the closest, died after 2 years in which I had helped take care of him as he slowly deteriorated. The girl I believe I truly love, but failed to ever seek a relationship with due to my fears of losing her as a friend, moved back home to a country that is pretty much on the other side of the world. I thought about both of these things quite intensely for a time, but my thoughts soon drifted elsewhere.

The entire night, I had noticed some sort of nagging thought in the back of my mind, but I couldn't quite grasp what it was. During my drive, it finally came to me, and it was a topic that had manifested itself greatly in the conversations I had been having that night: Drug use, particularly mine. The thoughts I was having, and the feelings I felt towards them at the time, would best be described as an epiphany. By the time I got home, the thoughts I had been experiencing had multiplied and developed tremendously.

I had recently quit smoking marijuana, and the thoughts of the night took that even further. Recreational drug use, I decided, was essentially bullshit. This type of use completely bypasses what I consider the most important and redeeming trait of usage: Self-exploration, self-discovery, and the chance to bond with others. All drug use by me to this point, disregarding the 4 instances that I singled out as exceptions, did not make me, in any way, a better person the next day and were only about having fun. Having fun can be, and thus should be, accomplished without drugs, I thought, and drugs should only be used for bettering yourself or helping someone else.

The 4 occasions that I considered to actually be meaningful were the product of 4 entirely different drugs, including at least one (alcohol) that I had considered to be completely bereft of any possible benefits beyond a wild night of fun. The other three were DXM, Marijuana, and psychadelic mushrooms.

Under the influence of alcohol and DXM, I experienced two of the most meaningful conversations I'd had to date. After smoking what was a actually a considerally small amount of marijuana, I sat alone atop a mountain, and for the first time really noticed the true majesty of nature. The small high I would normally have achieved from such a minute amount was in this case amplified tremendously by the serenity around me, bringing forth in me a truly sublime sensation that I was actually understanding everything for the first time and was truly at peace with the world. Shrooms allowed to me to take a step back and evaluate my life and relationships, all the while lying under the stars on a clear night and again realizing the absolute beauty of nature.

These 4 incidents are ones that I would never choose to give up, and are perfect examples of what it is that I believe drugs can help you achieve. Although they were priceless to me, they were greatly outnumbered by times I wouldn't care to have lost and actually considered to be, for the most part, colossal wastes of time. This was my epiphany:

'Drug use by me, from this point on, will consist only of the times I consider it to be truly meaningful. I will use drugs only as tools, and only if I truly believe experiencing a period of time distanced from my normal mindset can do any one of the following: Help me discover something about myself, analyaze and evaluate my life, help confront and solve a problem I've been facing, allow me to become more spiritually aware, or if I can in some way help another person emotionally cope with any problem or feelings they have.'

At that point and time, this concept was breathtaking. That night I did not sleep; Predominantly, this was due to the amphetamine consumption, but also in part because these thoughts felt much too important for sleep. I spent the night informing and discussing this with a few friends, during which I was able to type for ridiculously long periods of time and produced rants of epic proportions. I talked to a cousin for the first time that night while I was 'tweaking,' and was blown away by the fact that she not only followed what I was saying but was also able to add valuable input. She is several years my younger, and during the course of the night, as my judgement was impaired, I believed her to be an absolute genius and completely was taken aback. This, like many aderall-influenced thoughts from the night, were later re-evaluated and tweaked.

Eventually it was 4am and I was the only one still awake; I typed some things I felt needed to be preserved for prosperity, and then proceeded to write a letter that went on for almost 8 pages. I later changed my mind and the letter was never mailed; the sober mind also disagreed with the tweaked mind in several other ways. It was now almost 9am, and I emerged from my room to speak with my grandmother who had been awake and oblivious to my state since around 6:30am. She offered and then cooked me a side of bacon, which I tried and failed to eat due to complete lack of hunger. Throughout the night, I drank only a can of pepsi and a glass of water despite the cotton mouth. I never experienced any sort of noticable comedown, although I did have trouble sleeping the following night.

The night representing my first foray into the world of Adderall was a very different experience than what I had expected. I expected a night of euphoric feelings, an abundance of excess energy, and a fairly normal (albeit sped up) train of thought. What I encountered was a night of deeply introspective thinking and thought provoking conversations, along with the expected euphoria and abundance of energy.

This night was followed by a handful of others. All of my experiences with Adderall have been fairly similar. I tend to stay up talking until there is no one left to talk with, and find some other means of expressing my thoughts and opinions via the keyboard. I become quite introspective, and love discussing subjects more deep than what one typically comes across in conversation. As of writing this, I'm yet to suffer from any sort of Adderall induced comedown, though I'm yet to experience a comedown from any drug, and thus most likely represent the exception rather than the rule. I feel it should be noted that although at the time many of my ideas and decisions seemed flawless, they have for the most part been revisted and revised. All in all, Adderall has proved to be among my favorite drugs, offering physical and emotional stimulation in a few tiny little gel capsules fully capable of taking you on a wild ride.

Exp Year: 2005ExpID: 46016
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Sep 5, 2007Views: 23,994
[ View as PDF (for printing) ] [ View as LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Switch Colors ]
Amphetamines (6) : First Times (2), Various (28)

COPYRIGHTS: All reports are copyright Erowid and you agree not to download or analyze the report data without contacting Erowid Center and receiving permission first.
Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.


Experience Vaults Index Full List of Substances Search Submit Report User Settings About Main Psychoactive Vaults