Citation: Charlotte B.. "Addictive Narcosis: An Experience with Methamphetamine, Heroin & Cocaine (exp46096)". Erowid.org. Aug 23, 2018. erowid.org/exp/46096
I was raised in a “hardcore” Christian household. My parents have been married for nearly 23 years, my (now) 16 year-old brother was my best friend, I had SO much going for me in every way possible!
Four years ago, I ended up deciding against accepting Christianity as my religion/belief system. Of course my parents freaked out and thought that I was a Satanist because of my music and what-not. So I took off five months before turning 18 to go ’be on my own.’ I mean, I was a teenager - and so that meant that I knew EVERYTHING and I could survive on my own - wrong…
Not even two months after running away, I ended up on the streets, had nowhere to go and didn’t know one person out there. I met some people who became my ’protectors’ and basically my street family. In all of my life, I had never been exposed to any type of drug except for what I took for a sore throat or common cold; I had been extremely sheltered!! I smoked pot for the first time and thought it was okay. Then my second time smoking, someone sprinkled cocaine on the weed and didn’t tell me. I was a bit irritated at first but then asked for a line. I thought that there was no hope for me, I didn’t deserve to live and that I should just die (typical teenager), so my motto out on the streets was: “I’ll try ANYTHING once (no matter how incredibly stupid it was)!”
After about a month of getting stoned, I wanted to experiment more. Well, one night while at a friend’s house, this older guy named Dan came out of the back room and asked our friend if they could bring me back there. I went back there and ended up in some secret room that was about the size of a small walk-in closet with this guy. He had freezer zip-lock bags full of cocaine, meth, pot and a smaller sized bag of heroin. He told me that I could have as much as I wanted from any of those bags. I told him that I hadn’t tried meth before, so he cut out four bumps of that to snort. I didn’t know what to expect so I just sat there and ended up rambling like a fucking tweaker to this stranger who had just done a shot of heroin. He ended up leaving soon after. Later that night, we got a call: It was Dan. He told me to come down to this motel and to bring these two other guys that were there. So the three of us went down there and met him in his room. When we got there, he asked me if I wanted more. I went with it - why not? He pulled out four (new) needles and started drawing up shots from this small bowl containing something that he had prepared prior to our arrival.
He pulled out four (new) needles and started drawing up shots from this small bowl containing something that he had prepared prior to our arrival.
I looked at him confused and asked if I could just snort some instead. He told me, “This is the only way your doing it if you want any more.” So, I agreed - what did I have to lose? As he was loading the shots, he asked me if I wanted to try heroin. I told him no and that I just wanted to stick with the meth for now. He nodded his head and had the three of us sit down; I was going to be hit up last.
I watched attentively as the first guy tied off his arm and awaited his shot. The needle slid easily into his throbbing vein. Dan drew the plunger back slightly and blood shot up into the syringe. He slowly and steadily pushed it down until it was empty and told the guy to take off his tourniquet. The guy didn’t even have a chance to take it off his arm before he was running and stumbling towards the bathroom to throw up! I was a bit lost: Why was he throwing up from a shot of meth? (keep in mind that I was extremely naïve and knew absolutely nothing about drugs) He moved onto the next guy in line and the same thing happened - he went sprinting for the toilet. Now it was my turn. I was expecting to have to go running to the bathroom so I had them get out of the way before the guy hit me up. My veins are so small, the guy had to dig a while before he injected the shot. He finished, took the needle out, snapped off the tourniquet and jumped back so I could make it to the bathroom. They all just sat there and looked at me like they were shocked. I was just sitting there not at all feeling the need to throw up! That really freaked everyone out, especially since that was my first time doing meth, and shooting it up nonetheless.
Through the rest of the night, we did more shots. The grand total of shots/units of the mixture I took to my veins was 5 shots of 30 units each. You think - wow! That’s a lot of meth for a first-timer, especially when they’re shooting up! Well yes, that is true. However those fucking morons were trying to drug me! The mixture that was already prepared by the time we got there was heroin, meth and cocaine!! They shot me up with 150 units of that shit! It should’ve killed me - that is how I found out that I have a high-tolerance for drugs.
Well, from that point on I shot up - every day. I wasn’t even two months into slamming dope and I was doing (minimum) a gram a day to myself, 99% of the time, it was all in one shot. I weighed 130 pounds when I left my parent’s house and in a very short period of time, I was down to 85 pounds! I started to become seriously crazy. I always thought I saw people that were never really there, I would talk to myself (alone and in public) - referring to myself as Gemini, I mean, that stuff really fucks with my psyche. I guess that prolonged use causes schizophrenia. If that it at all true, then I truly believe that I experienced it!
Everyone used to call me “Living Dead Girl” because I literally looked like the walking-dead! It was grotesque and repulsive. I hated myself so much for what I had allowed myself to become - a fucking junkie! I lived that demeaning lifestyle for two years straight before I decided to drag myself out of that hole and make something of myself!
I have now been clean for 8 months and I am A LOT happier!!! I have a real job, I’m going to school for nursing/phlebotomy (ironic), I have my own place, my own car and a reason to get up in the morning! It wasn’t hard for me to quit because I realized that there is so much out there for whoever wants to work for it! I believe that addiction is a psychological thing and that if someone wants to change badly enough, they CAN take the necessary steps to being completely sober.
When all you live for is your next high, you’re not truly living, you’re merely existing!
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