Citation: endless. "Opening My Eyes for the First Time: An Experience with MDMA (exp46479)". Erowid.org. Sep 27, 2020. erowid.org/exp/46479
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To start this report off I guess I should give some backround. Its the junior year of highschool and my best friend throughout my whole life had just moved to another state. I was kind of your average drug user highschooler, a regular pot-head, had my share of being horribly drunk (I should also note I had stopped drinking this year), I dabbled in coke a bit, had Done DXM regular doses and extremely high doses, and I was experienced in shrooms. I was really growing old of the whole highschool scene. Tired of all the same people, same stupid rumors, you know I was just ready to move on.
One day in one of my classes I was talking with a friend of mine who just recently got involved with E. She told me about her first experience and how much she loved it and I was beginning to want to try it. Everyday in that class we would talk about some of our experiences with different drugs and she kept bringing up E. I eventually told her I wanted to try it and she gave me a number of one of her close friends who had very good stuff apparently.
That day I bought two tablets. I decided I was going to do it at our towns annual festival, it has tons of rides and music and things. I was going to be doing it with one other girl in a group of people. When the day finally came I was so excited I could barley stand it, although I was a bit nervous about running into people who arnt aware of my drug use. I waited for the right time to take it while at the festival.
It started to get a little dark so I figure what the hell here we go. I popped one and the girl (A) who I was supposed to roll with didn't want to pop hers yet. It was taking longer than I had heard for it to kick in so while on top of a faris wheel with A she told me if I wanted I could take half of hers since she was feeling unsure. I swallowed half of hers and she swallowed the other half. Soon after the ride I was getting pretty gigly with those giggles came a very extreme rush of warm euphoric energy that shot all over my body, walking became different a that moment also. We continued to just walk around and this feeling inside kept getting stronger and stronger. I kept thinking this cant get any better and then it would. Soon it was all I felt and my body was completely numb with it. But as soon as I or someone else touched me I felt the most pleasurable surges of warm tingly vibrations shoot all over me, but not sexually just pure euphoria. I soon could not stop rubbing my arms and face. My vision was getting really intense. I'm sure this was pure MDMA but I've come to find out I get very interesting vision on MDMA. Everything was slurred into a soup of colors and bright light. There was know way I could see small details.
I began to get nervous at how intense this was getting for being in such a public place with cops and family somewhere in the vicinity. I was thinking about A and L (the two girls who I spent most the night with) and I felt extremely bad for making them almost sort of 'babysit' me, but a the same time I felt so much love for them staying with me even though they wernt rolling. Soon I felt to bad that they wernt having fun, and I knew I had to go to a more calm setting. I told them I loved them then gave them a hug. A hug that can never be explained in words so I wont try. Then I left them headed towards an abandoned football stadium on the same block. On the way there I ran into people I knew and had incredible conversations with them. I knew witch of them were my true friends. I could separate everything pointless and trivial in life to things and people who meant something to me and were my real friends. I felt so much Love for them. I felt sorrow for people I saw that were fake and blindfolded by meaningless possession and false happiness in there life.
Finally I had made it to the enclosed stadium where I layed on a grassy hill surrounded by bleachers all around. I was alone under the starlit night sky and felt the need to call R (the best friend who moved to another state). It took me an eternity to actually get her number right because I was unable to see the numbers at all. The sound of her voice made me feel pure happiness and love. 'hey baby how is your night' (she knew I was planning on doing E) I told here all that had been happening to me that night. We talked and talked. We talked about our relationship and how much love we had for each other. I was totally 100% communicating with her on a higher level of emotion. I told her about some of the insights I had thought of that night. Like how I thought of my life and I just really wanted to start doing better, stop fucking up. How I wanted to make my parents proud and show them I love them because our relationship has really gone down hill. I told her how we over-complicate life and how everything is so simple,how we get caught up in meaningless objects, how everyone is in unity. How we are all apart of one. How we are all apart of that everlasting vibration of all. How we as humans think we are some how higher than everything else, we think have a dominion over nature. We need to realize we have no dominion over nature we are apart of it and should act for the better of all life. I told her how I saw inside myself, how I saw the real me striped of meaningless distractions and that once you see yourself the real you, you can make peace with yourself. How the journey for peace with all lies within yourself, then you can really see or sense that vibration of existence.
By the end of our conversation I was coming down enough to go home. I got a ride home, reflected on the night and slept on the couch. The next day I had some bad depression but it should be noted that I have a very long line of Depression issues on both sides of my family. The next couple days I felt at peace with everything and would just clean the kitchen for my mom Just to be nice, and do little tings like that. E was a truly wonderful indescribable experience. Next time I do it I plan to be with my best friend who is coming to visit and maybe a few others. MDMA is an amazing chemical but should be taken with caution and respect.
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