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A Hard Lesson
Salvia Divinorum A
by Y. Kusuri
Citation:   Y. Kusuri. "A Hard Lesson: An Experience with Salvia Divinorum A (exp46883)". Erowid.org. Feb 29, 2008. erowid.org/exp/46883

 
DOSE:
1.5 mg smoked Salvinorin A (powder / crystals)

BODY WEIGHT: 150 lb


All in one sitting :
------------------

I've tried salvinorin A powdered crystals both as a snuff and sublingually. I tried about 1.5mg both ways and didn't notice anything happening. I don't remember the timing well, but I think I waited about 5 minutes to see if anything happened with the snuff, then I tried one drop of tincture with added 1.5mg salvinorin A crystals under the tongue for about 15 minutes, then I gave up and smoked it. I smoked about 1.5mg and immediately was gone and had the most frightening experience I've every had on any substance. Report below. Its quite possible that the collected string of 3 tries had a cumulative effect.

Previously Tries
------------------

I had had mild experiences both with several drops of the tincture after about 15 minutes and on a different occasion smoking tons of 20x extract. Both of these experiences I could see finely segmented light threads with closed eyes. Nothing with eyes open. On a third occasion I smoked about 1mg of salvinorin A with friends present, and upon closing my eyes lost track of reality and felt like our three heads/spirits were inter connected arches of finely segmented strings of light. I then 'woke' up when I was like 'how can a string of light go to school?' I must be tripping.

Concerning the 'shepardess'
---------------------------

Here is my write up from the terrifying trip. I had a hard time putting it into word so I read a lot of reports and took bits and pieces that resonated with me and/or changed them to fit what I experienced:

I had an experience last night that was not pleasant, closer to terrifying, but interesting and so powerful I don't know any way to describe it. I find it hard to come up with words to explain what I felt.

My next awareness was being only a consciousness in a living, slowly undulating fabric of such an immense size as to defy description, filled with other consciousnesses like me. The membrane became a vast dimensional wall stretching out in all directions. Trapped, with no way to move, no idea what 'I' was or future or past, just now an infinite now of no moving and no thought the possibility of vast isolation, powerlessness.

As I came out of it, I immediately realized that my entire life was like a movie. It hadn't been real and now I was being shown that everything that I had loved, and everything I had done had never happened. I was terrified and desperate to have my life back, but how can you have something that isn't real? The feeling of loss was so deep and maddening. The universe had uncaringly dismissed me. I realized what my self-image is, and although it seemed ludicrous at the time, I didn't want to lose it. I realized that as much as I told myself that I wouldn't be afraid of ego dissolution or death because I had no special connection to this life or this world, that I was lying to myself, and that I was truly terrified at the prospect of losing myself. How does one move without a body, how does one make judgments, good and bad, I don't like without a ego/mind? What is consciousness without a body? and without a universe?! WHERE is the consciousness without a Universe?

I had not expected fear, but terror came with her
and tho I sought a dying moment, she showed me a dying eternity
and tho I sought to bring wisdom into the real, she tore the real from me
and I was no more

Yet another data point
----------------------

I was at a gathering where I brought some salvinorin A. One person wanted to try some and I measured out what just under 1mg which he smoked. He got a mild 'buzz'. I was like 'there is a lot deeper level to it than that'. I proceed to watch him smoke about 8-10mg over 5 tries! He got more and more of a 'buzz' but no deep experience. I subsequently figured out that this person had drunk probably over a bottle of wine, (I noticed over half the magnum was gone and no one else was drinking) and that he had taken a fair bit of coke (I don't know how much).

Exp Year: 2004ExpID: 46883
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Feb 29, 2008Views: 5,054
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Salvia divinorum (44) : Retrospective / Summary (11), Difficult Experiences (5), Alone (16)

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