Citation: Xorkoth. "Further Psychic Repairs Through Psychedelics: An Experience with 2C-I (exp46937)". Erowid.org. Oct 28, 2005. erowid.org/exp/46937
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Recently I've begun a significant life-changing process of self-betterment through a psychedelic regimen, by clearing my head space of negativity and re-opening my imagination, internal imaging capabilities, and routes of self-expression. This began with 2C-T-2, which I still consider to be the greater of the two drugs, but I feel that 2C-I has a place that may be more complex than the other, and my experience last night has prompted me to post. My setting was in my apartment, with my girlfriend asleep and 4 specially-made CDs of great music for accompaniment.
11:30 - Ingested 19mg 2C-I HCl in solution over 10 minutes.
11:45 - Just completed the creation of 4 CDs that are tailor-made for the coming experience. Unfortunately, my food is digesting slowly tonight and so I'm pretty full. Hopefully that won't affect the absorbtion of the 2C-I very much. I think the fact that it's in liquid form helps. For now, I'm going to play some Lufia 2 on my SNES emulator until I can't anymore, I estimate in 45 minutes or less. At that point, I'll switch to music and read new reports for a while, and hopefully I'll be inspired to start writing after a while.
12:32 - Kratom just finished brewing for later. Strong alerts are happening now, so I'll begin my music and reading new reports.
12:46 - Why must my back suck so much? Particularly with psychedelic experiences, it always hurts significantly, as if there is a tremendous amount of strain on it. I'm beginning to see little, brief colored borders around things and very slight wavering of straight objects. Nose is running quite a bit, curiously. I feel like I'm really starting to be more at home with the feeling of coming up on a psychedelic, which used to always freak me out.
12:59 - Pink Floyd's 'Cluster One'. I find this song to be very psychedelic. So this time is no exception. Just now I begin to feel truly affected by my dose, as the room sways to the slow, natural beat of the music. I'm going to read a few more posts and go downstairs to take a few hits and listen to Dark Side of the Moon.
1:39 - Wow. For a little while lying there on the couch, I got the quite clear mental image of sitting in a circle around a campfire with several natives, shamans by the look of them. They were motioning to me, I think to grab their hands. I reached out and grabbed the one to my right, who was a little in front of me as well. My hand closed around nothing but I felt that something should be there. I realized, however, that I was clutching my left hand to me, and they said, or rather made known to me, and I later expressed it as words, something to the effect of 'He's afraid, he must let go.' This is an insufficient explanation, though.
1:48 - The white walls are pink and orange and yellow. The tracers are morphing.
2:16 - Some great music and decent closed-eye meditation. However, depth is difficult to reach. 2C-T-2 seems to be a better one for introspective work. However, the visuals I am beginning to get are at times breathtaking. For one, I am constantly thinking that something it moving quickly across my peripheral vision. Which has creeped me out more than once. I see everything in crisp, clear detail, more so than normal. Everything seems to have taken on at least one additional hue. Rainbow-colored fractals with eyes closed, faint to almost clear. Similar visions flit about my vision constantly right now, but I'm unable to focus on them for any length of time. Trails are also very long.
2:26 - I feel like one of the most useful aciticities [ed: activities] I can perform is to stare at the MilkDrop visualization for Winamp. I was about to say that this drug seems not to offer much compared to 2C-T-2, but something I need to point out that is significiantly different from it is that 2C-I seems to keep suggesting to me that other entities are present, just out of sensory input. I think I may have almost reached some of them earlier, but since they've been afraid to show themselves to me again fully, or else I'm the one afraid. I just keep getting an urge to look at someone over to my 'upper right' so to speak. The music is going along very strangely well with this train of thought. Speaking of which, MilkDrop is not playing along to my music, but rather other, silent music that is playing on my computer. However, it was going perfectly with the music I was hearing, better than it ever does when it's actually reacting to it. The visuals to this drug, and also the suggestion of visuals (if you know what I mean) have a 'crispness', or sharpness to them, as I would imagine LSD visuals to be like (I have never gotten acid visuals). Rainbows are a big theme I keep seeing, with spectrums of color being traversed.
The urge to communicate seems stronger than with 2C-T-2, which is at a strange juxtoposition to the fact that with 2C-T-2 I find more that I think it important to communicate in the first place. Also, 2C-I seems to wrap my conscious thoughts up so that when I start a sentence it becomes all twisted around into a much longer one than I had intended, such as this very sentence right now.
2:39 - I find that I agree with some of the experience reports on 2C-I I am reading that it is easy to control the images that one sees. I find this to be true, but I don't feel like I really care to close my eyes and investigate this right now. Probably because the feeling of those other entities has become intensely strong just now, enough to cause my hackles to rise as I saw an entity in the doorway out of the corner of my eye. Then I thought I just saw a wave of distortion go right by my side. Wow, creepy stuff... it's probably my imagination as it just got to an extremely intense part of the song.
2:47 - Just went to the bathroom and had the best hallucinations I've ever had. The floor tiles in the bathroom, as I stared at them, would become awash in a glow of reddish-orange. Then, the randomly-placed darker spots on the tile would all pop out and attain this intense, somehow significant geometry, and begin to swirl and flow with the music. Every time my vision flickered away for a moment, it would start over again, with the sacred geometry emerging never the same twice. I actually had to leave because it was getting too intense.
2:53 - I remain relatively in control of my faculties with 2C-I, more so than with 2C-T-2. No loss of equilibrium like with the other. There is a lot less clenching of teeth, though some still exists.
3:26 - Just drank kratom, as I need to sleep in a while due to an early morning. The head space seems at once both superficial and deep. Whereas 2C-T-2 is unconditionally deep, it all seems to come from within, whereas a lot of the flow of the trip for 2C-I seems to come from without, as if from other entities. I will have to examine this state further, but I'm unsure as to how to proceed. This head space is so difficult to truly understand. I keep thinking I get it, and it gets deeper. This I can say, however: as a purely therapeutic tool, 2C-T-2 has this beat by a long shot. However, 2C-I seems to hint at a cosmic significance that 2C-T-2 lacks, but I've as yet been unable to break through to it. However, I'm only just now really beginning to retrain my psychedelic capabilities due to my recent usage of 2C-T-2, so I may be able to shed more light on the situation in days to come.
3:35 - This quote from a 2C-I post is absolutely right: 'I really wish that the post Hendrix wrote had not been accidentally deleted, as it perfectly explained, in one spectacular run-on sentence, the mode of thinking they were in. Cognitive branching was increased, as with most psychedelics, but 2C-I also had a peculiar quality to it. It's as if, in normal waking consciousness, a conclusion was come to and stated in verbal thought, but on 2C-I, the thoughts leading up to it were stated thus as well. This lead to a feeling of question and answer being one, perfectly self-contained.' Somehow, the notion of dosages seems silly to me now. People taking their drugs, waiting for the come-up, reporting on silly 'alert' effects. What are the properties of 16mg vs 20mg? Seems to me, they either take enough to get to the head space or not. Why would they worry about taking more than necessary to reach it? Once they're in, it's not really even so much like a drug anymore, anyway, just a different state of being. And that's what it's all about, no? Not 'getting fucked up' and 'tripping nuts' but really finding something new, and seeing things from a new light, and opening up parts of oneself that one thought was lost.
I notice that the more I trip, the better able I am to express the complex and subtle concepts it presents in language. Not an easy thing to do! I have noticed that with this my mood has remained extremely positive the whole time, with only brief flashes of fear due to scary images. The happiness feels less 'real' than with 2C-T-2, however. Actually, much to my disbelief, ever since my breakthrough 2C-T-2 experience over a week ago, I have seriously not even once fallen into a spell of bad mood, depression, anxiety, or even irrational annoyance. It's just like I no longer have that ability. It may have something to do with the knowledge that I will have the experience more times in a near future, however. I'll keep an eye out for that. For the record, though, I don't think this is why. It feels more like I've re-opened a part of my brain that was lying dormant for so long: my imagination. Also of note is that I've had vivid and memorable dreams every night, though they're hard to remember after a half hour upon waking. My usage of melatonin has dropped during this past week due to finding it frankly unnecessary.
3:59 - It occurs to me that I need to teach myself about meditation and other techniques used in the kind of spiritual awakening that I am beginning. For example, what does it mean to meditate in the full lotus position? I don't know but I'd like to! I notice that musical enhancement is less with this drug than with 2C-T-2, though music is still an integral part of the experience.
4:20 - Good time :) I'm going to go to sleep very soon, as the kratom has made me drowsy and just a bit queasy.
In closing, I feel like this drug has most of its true purpose locked away at a more complex level, or that it needs to be experienced with a good friend to see its other capabilities. I think I'll save the final 2 doses for when B or someone can do it with me.
DAY AFTER REFLECTIONS:
I went to church this morning. Despite the fact that I'm no longer Christian, I found many of the messages to be directly applicable to myself. 2C-I has been more difficult to understand than 2C-T-2, and I feel that the space has a lot more potential for exploration, but before I do that I must attain a greater understanding of how to find what I'm looking for in it. I feel that I nearly made contact with 'the others', so to speak, or external entities. Really, in looking back on the experience, this coupled with the leftover feeling of happiness is the primary effect I've noticed from 2C-I. I remarked to my girlfriend today about the incredible surge of mental health that I've had the last week and a half, which DIRECTLY correlates with my recent psychedelic exploration. I feel like I'm really clearing out some negative mental space at a tremendous rate, and my previously-valued imagination is re-opening in a beautiful way. I really and truly feel like I desperately, desperately needed to begin doing this. Too long have I subdued my desire to explore my mind, my psychedelic state, and my spirituality resulting therein, due to the psychedelic fear that I could not seem to get past.
Now, I am working fervently at getting past this, and honestly, I feel that I already mostly have. I am feeling MUCH more at ease with myself, and I have arrived at a more honest place inside of myself. Self-love has returned, and for that, I am eternally grateful. I feel that my experience is building towards another spiritual awakening on par with the one I received during my first and only pure sacrament of the mushroom. This winter, around Christmastime, I anticipate this event taking place, and I just know that I will be ready for it, ready to once again bathe in the tremendous and breathtaking splendor of the Truth.
Thank you 2C-I, and especially 2C-T-2, and thank you Alexander and Ann Shulgin. I truly, truly believe you four have helped to save my life. Yes, it's that serious! I think I am a living, breathing example at this point of the value of psychedelic drugs as catalysts for personal change in a positive direction.
I have recently just come out of a full-fledged depression, a state where I actually thought about ending it all at times, a state in which I felt lost and hopeless. Now, as if by some miracle - no, it IS a miracle - I have been able to completely clear this away in the ridiculously short time of 1.5 weeks, due to psychdelics as a catalyst coupled with serious introspective work. As a result, I am completely happy, in a natural way; I'm not squelched, flat-lined, so to speak, but rather my emotions are running higher than they have in years, and miraculously the feelings of dread, depression, and anxiety are simply no longer present. I have come to realize that they were my own fault, and they weren't real.
Anyway, I could keep on writing for a long time, probably, but I should save some for next time. Until then, reader, and myself, keep on thinking positively and remember to see the beauty and meaning in the world. It's there... you just have to know where to look.
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