Citation: surfergirl. "Devil in Powder Form: An Experience with Cocaine (exp47341)". Erowid.org. Oct 15, 2020. erowid.org/exp/47341
I'm 17, a junior in high school, from a middle class family, in all AP classes... I guess the total opposite when you imagine 'cokehead' but I was.
I started dabbling in drugs when I was 16;;weed at first, then xanax, shrooms, oxy, morphine, you get the idea. I was dating a guy who was the biggest druggie in our city, and thats probably what gave me the opportunity.
I have never forgotten the first time I did it;; he cut the line, and I kneeled down to snort it. I went home feeling a bit FAST but nothing too weird.
Next day I bought a 20 sac, and did the whole thing. Not too much of an affect, once again. This was probably my downfall. I assumed if it didn't make me feel 'like God' ((the description my boyfreind gave me)) than I had no chance of getting addicted.
I started buying it when I had an extra 20 dollars to spare. I told concerned friends I was only buying it once every 2 weeks, and wasnt in love with it either.
Of course, this was only the truth for about the first 2 weeks.
The thing about coke is I didn't have to love it;;I completely HATE the feeling. Everything got so fast. I was paranoid. I'd pace my room for 6 hours at a time. Sometimes I'd talk too much, other times I couldn't bring myself to talk at all, while thoughts rushed through my head at light speed. I just needed to do it every 10 minutes, even though every line I added made it worse. I finished sacs faster, bought more, went from 2 lines every 20 minutes to 7 lines. My friend and I would do it;; we'd discuss the repercussions, I'd feel fast but not happy, and that was it. I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, and had a stuffy nose constantly.
Then things got worse, and I finally realized I was addicted. I'd swear to stop, and buy it the next day. I stole money from people constantly, I pawned my items, I shoplifted... I remember doing coinstar for money to buy it, and once paying my dealer with golden dollars I had stored away in my room. I stayed up all night and was completely listless in the day. I stayed out all weekend to the horror of my parents, and worried them sick.
Finally, last summer I went to a camp for 2 weeks. I relapsed once, and after a couple lines I realized I still hated the feeling, but more than that, I hated how I had been.
I washed it down the drain, and that is my biggest accomplishment ever.
Cocaine turned me into a selfish, lying, cheating monster. I never want to be the way I was on that;;its truly the devil.
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