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Interesting Mix of Comfort and Fear
MDMA (Ecstasy)
by Theresa
Citation:   Theresa. "Interesting Mix of Comfort and Fear: An Experience with MDMA (Ecstasy) (exp47707)". Erowid.org. Jan 31, 2008. erowid.org/exp/47707

 
DOSE:
2 tablets oral MDMA (pill / tablet)

BODY WEIGHT: 120 lb


When I took my dose, I was already irritable and tired, most likely due to the half gram of cocaine I had the day before mixed with lack of sleep. I, however, was looking forward to a good time with some friends and thought the MDMA would cheer me up and give me some energy. This was my third time experimenting with 'ecstasy.' I have found that chemicals don't affect me in small doses: one pill usually gave me a slight body buzz and a very slight sense of euphoria, so I decided if I wanted to enjoy the experience I would start the night off with two pills this time. I chose a night when everyone in my house was out of town, so I didn't have to worry about controlling myself around my family. I took an hour long nap, and half an hour after waking, I took my ecstasy.

I, in the past, have found the onset to be very long and frustrating. From the time I take a pill to the time it affects me in a substantial way is usually an hour and a half to three hours. This time, however, I was feeling the first waves within fifteen minutes. I came to my peak very quickly. The first thing I felt was the urge to move around. I was pacing and my mood was lifted. Within twenty minutes I felt like I was on top of the world. My first thought was 'Yes! Finally! I can really feel it this time!' I talked to people on the phone that I hadn't seen in years, I had the urge to go out and meet up with different people, I couldn't keep a thought in my head and my pupils began to dilate. If I wasn't moving in some way, I would start to feel anxious and uneasy. This was about thirty minutes into the experience. I was apprehensive to let go of my inhibitions and enjoy the wonderful feelings at first, because no one else had taken MDMA that night, and I felt guilty because I was the only one who felt so incredible.

Within about forty-five minutes, I felt restricted in my basement and decided to wander upstairs and enjoy the atmosphere of the rest of the house, since everything felt new and wonderful. As soon as I started walking up the stairs, I experienced a floating, light-headed sensation. My legs felt independent from my body, and almost felt as though they were sinking into the steps. When I reached a hand forward to open the door, I noticed trails following my fingers. When I stepped upstairs, I suddenly felt an overwhelming urge to vomit and/or faint. I thought I must have taken too much. I got nervous, thinking I was going to have to be taken to the hospital, because something was not right and it hit me so quickly. I called downstairs to my friend, and my voice sounded distant and unfamiliar. I decided that I just needed to relax and slow down for a while.

I layed down on the floor in my dining room and shut my eyes. I was now very frightened. I made myself take slow, deep breaths, and asked my friend to get me a cold, wet cloth to put on my forehead, as well as some water. I started to feel better almost instantly after she handed me the cloth, and I told her I was sorry for scaring her. I could see in her eyes that she was terrified. I was so sure that I had taken way too much and that I wouldn't be able to move from that spot for hours, but by this point I was feeling somewhat more in control and no longer nauseous.

We sat in silence for a few moments, until it started making me feel uneasy, so I asked another friend to talk to me. I didn't care what he was saying, I just wanted to hear him talk. I had now convinced myself that I was overdosing in a terrible way, and was trying to distract myself from this thought. When I finally decided to open my eyes again, my two friends appeared to have ethereal glows around their heads and bodies, which gave me an interesting mix of comfort and fear. I now felt almost like I wasn't myself, like someone else was in my head controlling what I was saying. I could hear myself apologizing over and over for frightening them or ruining their night, but couldn't control it; couldn't stop the words from coming out.

The idea that I might be overdosing eventually left as we all sat on the floor. By now, it had been about an hour and a half since taking the pills. Once my mind settled down, the terror left my body and the dizziness was almost completely gone, I began experiencing the basic effects. I felt intense euphoria. I felt as though I was the luckiest person in the world, because I was seeing and feeling all of these great things. I was blissful, lustful and thankful in regards to absolutely everything. The rest of the night was a textbook example of an MDMA experience. I experienced hightened energy levels. I hungered for, enjoyed and couldn't get enough of the sensation of people touching me, specifically on my belly. I was chewing and licking my lips, clenching my jaw (which I never did when experimenting with smaller doses), I was completely ecstatic. Everything felt perfect. I never wanted it to end. The whole buzz, from the first wave of the craze sweeping up my spine, to the time that I could no longer feel a single effect, was roughly six hours. About nine hours after I took the pills, I went to bed and slept for roughly five hours.

I didn't have much of a 'hangover' the next day. I had a headache, likely due to dehydration, my lips were extremely chapped, swollen, and sore, I was dizzy every once in a while, but mostly I just felt emotionally numb, like I had used up all of my emotional energy the night before and now I wasn't capable of feeling anything.

Exp Year: 2005ExpID: 47707
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Jan 31, 2008Views: 7,925
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MDMA (3) : Difficult Experiences (5), Health Problems (27), General (1), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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