DOSE:

repeated

insufflated

Oxycodone

(ground / crushed)

BODY WEIGHT:

180 lb

I guess I'm addicted.

Well, I've always thought I was one of those people that would never do hard drugs.

And now, here I sit at 4 AM, high on cocaine and oxycontin, wiping blood from nose. This writing is the result of a day or so of contemplating about my past oxycontin use, and my recent encounters with cocaine. I think this nosebleed is also contributing.

Anyway, I'm an 18-year-old male that lives at home with his parents and doesn't go to school because I dropped out at the age of 13. I chose the 'underground' life around the age of 15-16. I won't say a lot, but I'm not gonna be able to get a job and I'll be fucked if I'm living on the streets, so I get by doing what I have to do. I've experimented with, recreationally and chronologically, weed, nicotine, alcohol, ssri's, opiates (oxy-ir, percocet, oxycontin, t3's, codeine-contins), benzos (ativan), methylphenidate, and finally cocaine. I also experimented with mushrooms and various opium preparations (extracts, raw latex).

I wanted to write something to document my past experiences and addiction to oxycodone. It all started with curiosity, when one day I aquired a 20mg Oxy-IR tablet and crushed it up, railing 5mg. I didn't feel much that particular time but it was enough to let me know what oxy was all about. I had done codeine recreationaly before this, and it was very simular to that in its effects. I actually scared some of my friends with my codeine experience, taking 400mg of codeine-contin 100 tabs, which I had scraped the yellow coating off of (I now know doing this didn't defeat the time release mechanisim of the pills. Thank god I didn't chew them or anything; 400mg of codeine is half the LD50). So, I ended up being constipated for a week straight, followed by a VERY painful bowel movement. I should have learned my lesson then, and when I gave all my oxy and pills to a close friend with the instructions to keep them away from me.

well, I didn't learn and I soon relapsed into a full addiction which began with the aforementioned 20mg oxy-ir's. It has now expanded to 80mg oxycontins, and it takes at least 25-30mg in a single insufflation after I wake up in the morning to feel the warm, euphoric buzz. Including the continuous 2.5-10mg bumps throughout the afternoon and evening, I normaly do 60-80mg in a day. Alternatively, I can rail only 10-15mg just to relieve withdrawl symptoms and feel 'normal.' Doing this whenever necessary, I can keep it at about 20-30mg/day. I have tried to quit several times but, I still can't seem to. I always relapse the same day, or the day after, even with staggered-down doses.

I guess I just needed to talk to someone about my epidemic. I hope you can learn something from my experiences with this substance. All it's gained me is a bad reputation, an addiction, and lots of embarassment when I keep saying I'm going to quit, and really mean it, but I can still never seem to. Sure, I've made money on it and it's gotten me ridiculously stoned out of my mind, but when I look at it all, I know what I'm seeing. A story about an addiction, my addiction, and I still don't exactly know how I'm going to overcome it. It's almost like I'm still thinking I'm not even addicted, like I don't want to accept the fact, but I guess this writing is just one of the steps toward my realization. I just noticed how much I said 'guess' in this fuckin' summary. I guess I'm fuckin lost and rambling.. I guess I have a title for this, too..

illus1on

Note: thanks goes out to my friend mike for proof reading and spell checking this b4 i submitted it.

Exp Year: 2005	ExpID: 47769
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Jul 28, 2007	Views: 16,087
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Oxycodone (176) : Not Applicable (38), Addiction & Habituation (10), Retrospective / Summary (11)