Citation: omen. "I Had Never Blacked Out Before: An Experience with Alprazolam & Alcohol (exp48713)". Erowid.org. Feb 11, 2020. erowid.org/exp/48713
This was not expected. This was the epitome of bittersweet, - quite possibly one of the most fun times ever, coupled with the worst.
I'm 19 years old, have tried several benign substances of alcohol, cannabis, dxm (one occasion), and prescribed to adderall. I have somewhat of a social anxiety which I've been conscious off since late elementary/early middle school, which has been bothering me for quite a while. A couple months back, I bought a 2mg bar of xanax, which I've not tried until that night. So here we go:
12:00pm (noon). Take daily dose of adderall (usually lasts around 10 hours) to do school-related work.
8:30pm - Take a little over a half of a 2mg xanax bar prior to going to a friend's party.
10:00pm - Midnite - arrive at the party and have two beers over this span while talking to some school mates.
At this point, the effects are not very consciously noticeable, however I find myself more open and sociable than I usually am. As a natural extrovert, this is quite pleasing, none the least of which just by the fact that I am rarely comfortable doing this on other occasions. Although alcohol alone tends to make me more sociable, empirically at similar settings everything is much different, less pleasant.
Midnight - ????am - things are starting to get interesting. The same general sensation that has occupied me for the first two hours is now amplified, I am more interactive, greater rapport, very affable and enjoying myself. This gets me to have more drinks, and the cycle fuels itself. Interaction with females, old acquietences, new people who I've just met, all across the board very easy and euphoric. I keep drinking.
During this timeperiod I have around 4-6 more alcoholic beverages, mostly hard liquor, with no water or other liquid. A horrible error in judgement on my part that fucked me up.
??? - 3:30/4:00am - this is where I black out. I dont remember any of this, only from the recollections of my friends and the photos that I've seen. I've never blacked out before in my life, it is frightening. I've drank large amounts (larger than at this party) on past occasions, and have been quite sick and thrown up, but never blacked out. Retrospectively, this seems to be due to me not having any liquids at all throughout the party until my 8 or so alcoholic beverages have been downed. It's over just like that.
7:00am - I wake up in my coat and drive home, initially in a quite drunk/hung over daze as to what happened. But looking back, it was depressing, - I could have enjoyed myself much more.
Overall the experience is not regrettable. Certain choices are, however, and such poor judgement is paining me from the inside. But the alternative of not going through this is worse.
We will see what my psych says next time I see her, I believe I could use such or similar medication that could benefit me tremendously.
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