Citation: Desecration. "Mixed Feelings: An Experience with H.B. Woodrose (exp50127)". Erowid.org. Sep 5, 2007. erowid.org/exp/50127
This was my first time on HBW, and one of the greatest and most awful drug related experiences of my life, all rolled into one. I had researched HBW quite extensively before tripping and had asked a couple of friends who had done around 10 seeds before what to expect, so I felt quite well prepared. Unfortunately, it turned out I wasnít all that prepared at all.
I had a few friends around, and two decided to trip with me. We all agreed on doing 10 seeds each and went about preparing them by heating them in the microwave in a mug of water for a minute per 10 seeds in an attempt to soften them. After heating them we began to chew the 10 seeds thoroughly until they were completely broken down, then swallowed. We each also took a vitamin C tablet, as Iíd heard this heightens the visuals. My two friends also drank down the water the seeds had been heated in; I was going to as well, but decided against it due to the foul taste.
After about 20 minutes both my friends began to complain of nausea and felt as if theyíd be sick quite soon. They both headed up to the bathroom and prepared themselves for what was coming, one leaning over the sink and the other leaning over the bathtub. After about 10 minutes of waiting, they both began to vomit quite heavily. By this time I myself was feeling the effects, although I wasnít nearly as nauseas as my friends. I was feeling quite uncomfortable, fairly nauseas and how I would feel if I were extremely stoned. I decided to go take a lay down on my bed, and thankfully this eased the discomfort, but only very slightly.
After around an hour or so of intermittent vomiting, one of my friends felt quite fed up and, against my best advice, decided to get a taxi home. By this time I was still feeling as I had when Iíd started to feel the effects, although obviously they were quite a lot stronger now. After seeing my friend off and making sure he got into the taxi ok, I went back upstairs to check on my other friend. He was still in the bathroom and still felt rather unwell, although the vomiting was becoming less frequent. Between vomiting, he would just lay very still on the bathroom floor, a lot of the time too exhausted to respond well to my friend or myself.
After around an hour and a half I began to notice that lights had become quite a lot brighter and that my vision was getting slightly distorted Ė as Iíd expect on an MDMA experience. My mood was heightened and I was acting very giggly and happy, even though I was still in a fair bit of discomfort. I was also feeling very unbalanced and tipsy, but quite enjoying it.
After spending a while with my friend I decided to go back to my room and lay down again, this time in darkness. I also remembered a small flashing starfish toy, the kind Iíd expect to see at a club or rave, and decided to put it in front of my eyes. This induced some very nice, but minor visuals which I found quite captivating. I was seeing colourful chequered squares that seemed to stretch out, flashing with the light. After watching the visuals for a while, I decided that my friend HAD to see for himself, and, with great difficulty, got up and went next door to the bathroom. He was still on the bathroom floor, but the vomiting had become rather infrequent now, so I tried to convince him to muster up the energy to get up and come with me into the bedroom to watch the visuals using the flashing starfish. He was very tired, so it took me quite a while to get him to come with me, but when he did, he too was amazed with the visuals. We were both experiencing heightened moods now and felt quite happy, again, in spite of the discomfort and nausea which was still present. We also both began to see some very cool, colourful geometric patterns.
After a while of being laid on the bed watching visuals, we decided to go downstairs and wait for another friend to arrive. My friend and I decided to take a walk up to the top of the small street we were on to meet her, but upon going outside, he began to feel quite sick again and vomited just a few meters from the house. He told me to go on and meet her alone whilst he was being sick, so I left him and headed up to meet her. I remember feeling very unbalanced and tipsy when walking with her back down to the house; it was becoming quite difficult to walk.
From returning to my house and up to the end of the night, time is very disjointed and Iím not really 100% sure of the order in which events occurred, although I can remember everything that happened very well. I would guess that it had been maybe two and a half to three hours by now, and the trip was really intensifying. My vision was very distorted and the edge of everything I looked at, especially things with a shiny/reflective surface, had a distorted rainbowy effect going off of it. My friend laid on the couch and I laid on the floor beside him, now practically unable to move due to the crippling exhaustion we were both experiencing. As time went on, the discomfort, visual distortion and visuals became more and more intense, although the nausea seemed to stay at the same level (thankfully, as it was quite unpleasant).
As I was laid there, I remember thinking to myself that the visuals were amazing but the discomfort was just far too heavy and that I wished it would come to an end quite soon. I think not too long after laying down my friend whoíd gone home in a taxi to try and sleep it off texted me. The typing was awful and a lot of it I could barely make out. To quote the text, he was Ďhallucinashitupí Ė I found that very amusing, but I was extremely relieved to hear he was ok.
Not much later on I heard a loud bang at the back door, which made me feel severely paranoid until I discovered it was just another friend with his girlfriend, who Iíd invited round earlier that day. For some reason when I heard the knock, I didnít think it could have been them, thatís substance induced paranoia for ya. After calming down and realizing it was just a couple of friends I began to feel ok again, but still very uncomfortable and quite nausea.
I think maybe three and a half to four hours had passed, although as I say, time was very disjointed, I canít be sure, when a friend suggested putting on the TV. One of them (Iím not sure who) decided to stick on a Red Hot Chilli Peppers live DVD that I had laying around. I decided to turn around and watch for a while as the music sounded really good in that state. The vocals for example seemed to have more emotion in them than Iíd ever before heard, I was completely amazed by it. When I turned to look at the TV screen, I saw something that topped even that. It was the single most amazing thing of the trip. Everything looked Ďneonyí and the edge of the TV screen seemed to swirl and have a wave-like quality, with the picture around the edges fading very slowly away. I couldnít get over how amazing it was, and kept saying so to my friend, who also saw what I was seeing.
After a while, another friend stuck a different DVD, Shrek 2 this time. Again, the picture looked really messed up (in a very good way of course) and the voices again seemed to have so much more emotion in them, almost as if it were being over-acted. I canít remember if someone turned it off or I just got bored, but I turned away from the TV and laid back in the same position as Iíd been in before watching it. Shortly after this, I began to notice that my depth perception had been completely messed up, another thing that I enjoyed. I remember looking up at a friend who was sat on the couch next to me and she looked huge, like she was towering over me as if she were a mountain. I also remember looking at the light fitting above me and it seemed very close, it also looked weirdly like a face to me. I found that fascinating.
I think it was shortly after this that all of a sudden my stomach turned and I began to feel as if Iíd be sick very soon. I quickly jumped up and ran into the kitchen as quickly as I could, leaned over the sink and began to vomit. I was sick maybe three or four times and then physically felt quite a lot better. For some reason though, the vomiting sent me on a very bad trip, the worst Iíve ever experienced, and Iím no stranger to any kind of drug.
Feeling quite down, I decided to go to the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror to see how I was. Whilst up there, I just became more and more depressed Ė the most Iíve ever been in my life. I began to dwell on problems that werenít even that great, such as college and what Iíd do with my life. I became worried that Iíd fail and eventually felt as if I would, without a doubt. I became worried about my future. I felt at this point I was ruining my life with my drug use, although in truth itís merely recreational. Then the worst thing of all happened to me. I began to think about life, about how when I die thereís just nothing at all, as I donít really believe in an afterlife. I began to dwell on this a great deal and was still thinking about it when I went back downstairs. By this time I wasnít really noticing any visuals, although my depth perception was still messed up.
As I was sat on the couch, all I could think about was how thereís nothing to life, that I'll just die and thatís all there is to it. I felt so depressed, I honestly canít describe how bad I felt. What made it worse was that I thought the LSA had triggered some kind of manic depression, I thought that Iíd feel like that for the rest of my life. As I sat there I felt more alone than Iíd ever felt in my life, I was worried that after Iíd come down Iíd still feel the same, in fact, I was convinced I would. I began to think that if I did, the only solution would be to commit suicide, after all, how could I live like that? I couldnít. I thought about what Iíd say and do before I killed myself and other depressing crap.
I could tell my friends had noticed that Iíd become extremely quiet and still as they kept asking if I was ok, I just said I was really tired, but fine. What good would it do to tell them how I felt? In truth, I just wanted to cry though. After a while I decided to go to bed, still very much dwelling on all the negative things Iíd been thinking about before. Although I was still extremely depressed, I found I was extremely comfortable in bed, and my mood seemed to recover slightly. I actually felt slightly content there.
The next day I had quite a bad headache and still felt quite down, but not nearly as bad as I had the night before.
Overall, it was a very mixed experience. Through the trip I was both amazed beyond belief and depressed beyond measure. Iím very glad that what happened did happen, and if I could, I wouldnít change a thing. I very much belief any experience is worth having as long as youíre fine afterwards. Iím not sure if Iíd ever do 10 seeds again. Iíd definitely be extremely apprehensive about it if ever I did. Oh, and to add to the report, I also later discovered that my friend whoíd tripped with me also became very, very depressed towards the end of his trip.
Iíve since done HBW another two times, but both times Iíve only done 4 seeds. Iíve found this extremely fun and have experienced an amazing sense of euphoria both times, but with very minor visuals. Iíd definitely recommend HBW, especially in a smaller dosage of around 4 seeds. If you want to try a higher dose like I did my first time, I wouldnít say donít, but be very prepared for what my friends and I experienced.
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